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#BestBubby


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:19 am
amother [ Cerulean ] wrote: | It’s really uncommon to ask your child to pay for basic stuff. Rather they should save there money for when they get married. Extra stuff yes you can ask them to pay for.
My parents had no money I paid for everything I always resented it none of my friends had that . To this day I still resent that. |
Who do you resent - your parents who had no money, or Hashem who decided you should grow
up in a poor family?
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#BestBubby


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:22 am
Of course an adult getting free room and board should pay their own expenses.
And help out at home.
And encouraged to save as much as possible for after they get married.
I am proud of my DD who automatically paid for her clothes and entertainment/vacations
once she started working - we never even had to ask. And she managed to save a large
sum of money for marriage.
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ShishKabob


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:33 am
#BestBubby wrote: | Of course an adult getting free room and board should pay their own expenses.
And help out at home.
And encouraged to save as much as possible for after they get married.
I am proud of my DD who automatically paid for her clothes and entertainment/vacations
once she started working - we never even had to ask. And she managed to save a large
sum of money for marriage. | This! Beautiful
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Chayalle


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:43 am
I have DD's in same age range. I want them to save since B"EH they will need it in the future. I'm happy to be supporting them till they get married. So I pay for their basic toiletries, clothes, etc...
But they pay if they eat out with friends. Or if they want a new kind of lipstick. Or if they want another pair of shoes they found on sale but already have for the season. Stuff like that. They also bought their own cars. I split the insurance with them, and I pay for gas for normal use (if they go on vacation with their friends, they pay or work it out with friends....)
ETA I don't pay for the college tuition. I paid thru seminary and past that they pay (student loans, work, etc...)
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nchr


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 11:55 am
You could just take her entire paycheck and give her petty cash for spending money...
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Chayalle


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:01 pm
nchr wrote: | You could just take her entire paycheck and give her petty cash for spending money... |
Are you serious?
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nchr


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:02 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote: | I don't get this concept. Don't you want your daughter to grow up? Or do you want her to stay a dependent child? |
You could argue that paying for her college is just as stifling.
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SixOfWands


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:16 pm
amother [ Taupe ] wrote: | I would think basic toiletries, food, clothing, etc are paid for. Clothing and makeup-remember she may need newer nicer things if she’s “on the market”. If she wants to go skydiving or out with friends to a restaurant, that can be her own funds. Personally my parents didn’t let me pay for anything but Then told me what I could/couldn’t do. I think a healthy balance is allowing her entertainment and luxuries from her own money |
Pretty much.
I consider my college students to still be kids. I pay their tuition and their (reasonable) room and board. I pay for their (reasonable) clothing. If I'm willing to pay up to $200 for a winter coat once during their college years, and they lose the coat, they buy a new one. Or if they want a Moncler, instead of the warm, sturdy North Face I'll pay for, the difference is on them. Vacations, boat trips, things like that, they have to pay for. I usually just give them money each month, and they figure it out. So maybe they're skimping on shampoo and I am paying for the boat, who knows.
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#BestBubby


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:34 pm
SixOfWands wrote: | Pretty much.
I consider my college students to still be kids. I pay their tuition and their (reasonable) room and board. I pay for their (reasonable) clothing. If I'm willing to pay up to $200 for a winter coat once during their college years, and they lose the coat, they buy a new one. Or if they want a Moncler, instead of the warm, sturdy North Face I'll pay for, the difference is on them. Vacations, boat trips, things like that, they have to pay for. I usually just give them money each month, and they figure it out. So maybe they're skimping on shampoo and I am paying for the boat, who knows. |
OP was talking about a child who is working, not a college student (who should work p/t to pay
for spending money)
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singleagain


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:38 pm
#BestBubby wrote: | OP was talking about a child who is working, not a college student (who should work p/t to pay
for spending money) |
Not everyone is able to handle full time school and part time work.
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nchr


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:41 pm
Chayalle wrote: | Are you serious? |
Yes. That's definitely standard in my community. Parents pay the entire wedding and often help with rent for 2-5 years. Why shouldn't they be taking her paycheck? Her money halachically belongs to the father.
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nchr


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:31 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote: | Ok this is horrible misconception. Wrong wrong wrong.
No, her money does NOT halachically belong to her father once she is past the age of 12. It belongs to her.
He can tell her, if you don't give me your paycheck, I'm kicking you out of the house.
But it is not automatically his. |
AFAIK the only time a money belongs to a woman is if she is a divorcee or has entered into an agremeent with her husband where he is no longer required to provide what he halachically should in exchange for her keeping her finances separate and her own.
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SixOfWands


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:44 pm
#BestBubby wrote: | OP was talking about a child who is working, not a college student (who should work p/t to pay
for spending money) |
Actually her DD is in college and working:
Quote: | 19 year old DD started her first “real” job this year (meaning not a babysitter or daycamp counselor). She’s living at home and going to college. |
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keym


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 1:57 pm
amother [ Slateblue ] wrote: | Well, you're incorrect. Double check your sources.
A single woman above the age of a katan (12) owns any money she earns. Her father has no automatic halachic right to it. |
True. But if she has any money of her own, he also has absolutely no halachic obligation to provide anything for her- not a roof, not bread, nothing. If she has no money, his halachic obligation is only the Halacha of tzedaka.
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