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singleagain


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Tue, Sep 15 2020, 10:36 pm
As an adult living with her parents. Though, granted I'm 34. But it's only in like the last five years I've been self sufficient. Before I was recovering.
I pay for toiletries. Food. Entertainment. I just recently bought a car. My dad kindly lent me the money and I'm paying him back instead of a bank (thank God he was able to front it) but even before even I was driving the car they bought. I paid for gas.
I mostly buy my own clothes. But I know my folks will chip in for that.
I paid for my phone. Not my service. Although I've talked to my dad about that and it's more of a lazy I haven't set up the account to pay my dad automatically. And he doesn't remember to ask.
I joined a yoga studio, that's my money. So is my massage and my waxing. And my Starbucks.
My insurance is still my parents. Car that is. For many years I was on my parents health insurance. But I payed my own copays. Now my insurance is from my job so I pay it all.
But also, I don't keep strict track. If I ask my dad to pick up my medicine. He doesn't expect me to pay him back. If I'm out with my my and I want a cute pair if shoes. She'll pay. If my parents ask me to pick up one thing for shabbat I might put it on my account instead of using their card.
I don't pay room and board. But my dad does my laundry and I'm home most shabbats.
If this doesn't make so much sense that's bc it's late and I just had an emotional thing.
But I'm happy to answer questions and clear things up
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Fave


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Tue, Sep 15 2020, 10:40 pm
singleagain wrote: | As an adult living with her parents. Though, granted I'm 34. But it's only in like the last five years I've been self sufficient. Before I was recovering.
I pay for toiletries. Food. Entertainment. I just recently bought a car. My dad kindly lent me the money and I'm paying him back instead of a bank (thank God he was able to front it) but even before even I was driving the car they bought. I paid for gas.
I mostly buy my own clothes. But I know my folks will chip in for that.
I paid for my phone. Not my service. Although I've talked to my dad about that and it's more of a lazy I haven't set up the account to pay my dad automatically. And he doesn't remember to ask.
I joined a yoga studio, that's my money. So is my massage and my waxing. And my Starbucks.
My insurance is still my parents. Car that is. For many years I was on my parents health insurance. But I payed my own copays. Now my insurance is from my job so I pay it all.
But also, I don't keep strict track. If I ask my dad to pick up my medicine. He doesn't expect me to pay him back. If I'm out with my my and I want a cute pair if shoes. She'll pay. If my parents ask me to pick up one thing for shabbat I might put it on my account instead of using their card.
I don't pay room and board. But my dad does my laundry and I'm home most shabbats.
If this doesn't make so much sense that's bc it's late and I just had an emotional thing.
But I'm happy to answer questions and clear things up |
You have a truly loving family!!!
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amother


Babyblue
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Tue, Sep 15 2020, 11:01 pm
When I was in that stage, I paid for anything I went to buy, any outing with friends, etc. My parents encouraged me to save but I would spend a small percentage for whenever I wanted to buy lunch, go to the mall or movies, get make up, birthday/ engagement gifts for friends, etc.
My parents bought my clothes and shoes as needed, if I wanted an extra scarf or whatever I'd sometimes treat myself.
It wasn't a spoken agreement, I just never asked them for money. My mom would offer to take me shopping for Yom Tov/ the season changes, etc.
The only financial discussion I remember having was regarding school, my parents agreed to do 50%-50%, with each of us fronting $1000 at a time. Once I got married and moved out, that stopped and so did my schooling.
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singleagain


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Tue, Sep 15 2020, 11:16 pm
amother [ Khaki ] wrote: | Totally disagree! I think it's normal and healthy for her to pay for toiletries, clothing, and extra food or treats. I never had an ounce of resentment that I was expected to do so. My parents weren't mean about it, it was just understood. |
I think it depends on what it is. And what the rest of the house is doing.
For instance, I have my own bathroom with my shower stuff.. but if I was sharing a shower and shower stuff .. I think saying "hey I finished the shampoo can you pick some up" isn't harsh on either end.
However, if your parents always by V05 and you want Pantene. You buy the whole pantene and don't even ask them to cover the .99 cents that "they would have spent anyway"
I think a lot of it also depends on what you get now and again... How many other people live in the house. And the overall financial situation.
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mommyhood


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Tue, Sep 15 2020, 11:24 pm
At that age I was expected to pay for ‘extras.’ Things like eating out or vacations with friends and random trips to the mall. My parents paid for some clothing but if I wanted to go to the mall for fun that was on me. It was a gradual progression that started in high school it didn’t happen overnight.
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causemommysaid


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Tue, Sep 15 2020, 11:29 pm
I think basics like food the family is eating, room, board, family phone plan, stuff you buy for the family, and basic clothing is normal for you to pay for.
Extra things like eating out, extra clothing, entertainment, upgraded phone, extra makeup and toiletries should be on her.
There is nothing wrong with a 19 year old chipping in for her extras.
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tichellady


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Wed, Sep 16 2020, 12:05 am
I think it’s fine. No rules about this. Different families do this differently but I would discuss first
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