Other moms parenting

amother

Tue, Sep 29 2020, 9:02 pm

Ok so I remember on one thread someone asked what people would do if they see a friend using fear based parenting. Most responses, (including mine!) Said they'd do nothing, thinking the mom won't be receptive.
But I keep thinking about it.
I have a neighbor I am not close with at all, and I cringe often when she disciplines her 5/6 year old. She isn't mamesh physically aggressive, but threatens all the time. Just the other day, her kid started complaining "I don't like this other kid" and her mom says I don't want to hear, I can't believe you are saying that! We have black pepper in the house!
The kid sure shut up real fast, poor kid, but I felt so bad. There were other ladies around and everyone ignored this.
She has threatened in the past to lock her kid out if she doesn't come in right away, or not give food if she isn't there at supper. She puts her in charge of watching her 3 year old sibling and getting him inside. She gives petch a lot. Etc.
I will say this kid has been quite difficult since she's little. I always thought she barely got love, but couldn't have her in my house cuz she'd fight and blackmail my kids.
The thing is, I feel like this is all wrong, but honestly I see others doing sometimes one of these things with their kids. I'm sure some of you will say oh I do that with my kids and its fine. But I really want to hear, what would you do (or like to do) in such situations?

amother

Amethyst

Tue, Sep 29 2020, 9:14 pm

I used to be friends with a woman who "parented" like this. We'd do Shabbat meals together, go to the library with the kids together, etc. My kids got along wonderfully with hers, but they never wanted to go there on a playdate on their own. I put 2+2 together and just started declining invites. I also stopped inviting her because I can't handle someone yelling at my Shabbos table "don't do this, sit nicely, etc etc".
I feel bad for her child. I also feel bad for her. I know this is how her parents parented, and she has lots of resentment towards them for it. When I once pointed out that maybe just maybe she's continuing the cycle she got very insulted and left shortly thereafter. Her husband isn't home much (I don't blame him) but I'm sure he notices.

amother

Magenta

Tue, Sep 29 2020, 10:10 pm

This makes me really sad to watch! Crying

I try to keep to myself and daven for her and her kids. There are 2 aspects to parenting, learning what to do and fixing your own inner wounds, emotional stuff and becoming your best self to implement them. It can't happen without the second one which most people don't realize. Telling them will just be a trigger, make them feel stupid and can cause other issues or reinforce their low self esteem.

Its a very sad reality to watch, if there is a nice way to do it feel free, otherwise daven and invite the kids if you can so they gte love and a sense of peace for some time.. If its really bad, maybe get services involved...