Does your husband sleep in the sukka?

amother

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 1:43 am

Mines dont and I have older boys . Wondering if he is giving over the right chinich if he avoids sleeping in the sukka.

Einikel

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 1:45 am

No he doesn’t but did before he got married as the shulchan armchair states a married man doesn’t have to sleep in the sukka. Term of איש וביתו

paperflowers

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 1:48 am

My father never did, but my brothers all started to based on what they learned in yeshiva. I don’t know if they continue to sleep in the sukkah now that they are married.

malki2

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 1:56 am

Yes, with all the boys. Incidentally, they all piled in now due to the rain.

chicco

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 1:58 am

We sleep in the sukkah as a family. If I can't or don't want to, then it is just the kids. Halacha clearly states that you only have to sleep in the sukkah if you can do so like you would inside. If your wife isn't joining, you aren't obligated.

amother

Ivory

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 1:59 am

(This is our first sukkos married)
My husband slept outside first 2 nights, last night was freezing cold and some critters joined him so tonight he didnt... also because I had a hard 2 nights without him. I feel guilty Im being needy but I also dont want him in the freezing cold!

malki2

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 2:04 am

Einikel wrote:

No he doesn’t but did before he got married as the shulchan armchair states a married man doesn’t have to sleep in the sukka. Term of איש וביתו

Would you (or someone else) mind quoting where the SA says this?

Einikel

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 2:05 am

malki2 wrote:

Would you (or someone else) mind quoting where the SA says this?

I’ll BLN ask my husband tomorrow morning if no one answers by then

amother

Brunette

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 2:10 am

Yes but our sukkah is right off the kitchen on a closed in porch making it safe.
My father and brothers didn’t because the neighborhood was unsafe
In my neighborhood where I live since I’m married, most men and boys do.
It was not a thing in the neighborhood I lived in growing up.

amother

Brunette

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 2:13 am

Einikel wrote:

No he doesn’t but did before he got married as the shulchan armchair states a married man doesn’t have to sleep in the sukka. Term of איש וביתו

My husband told me the same thing- that a married man doesn’t have the chiyuv but unmarried boys and men (over bar mitzvah) do have the chiyuv to sleep in the succah.

amother

Lilac

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 2:15 am

malki2 wrote:

Would you (or someone else) mind quoting where the SA says this?

:או"ח תרל״ט :ב

אוכלים ושותים וישנים בסוכה כל שבעה בין ביום בין בלילה ואין ישנים חוץ לסוכה אפי' שינת עראי אבל מותר לאכול אכילת עראי חוץ לסוכה וכמה אכילת עראי כביצה מפת ומותר לשתות מים ויין ולאכול פירות [ואפי קבע עלייהו] [ד"ע] חוץלסוכה ומי שיחמיר על עצמו ולא ישתה חוץ לסוכ' אפי' מים הרי זה משובח ותבשיל העשוי מחמשת מינים אם קובע עליו חשוב קבע וצריך סוכה: הגה ומה שנוהגין להקל עכשיו בשינה שאין ישנים בסוכה רק המדקדקין במצות יש אומרים משום צינה דיש צער לישן במקומות הקרים [מרדכי פ' הישן] ולי נראה משום דמצות סוכה איש וביתו איש ואשתו כדרך שהוא דר כל השנה ובמקום שלא יכול לישן עם אשתו שאין לו סוכה מיוחדת פטור וטוב להחמיר ולהיות שם עם אשתו כמו שהוא דר כל השנה אם אפשר להיות לו סוכה מיוחדת:

We eat and drink and sleep in the Sukkah all seven days, both day and night, and we do not sleep outside of the Sukkah, even a very short sleep. But one may eat an insubstantial meal outside of the Sukkah. And how much is an insubstantial meal? Approximately an egg's worth of a loaf of bread. And it is permitted to drink water and wine and eat fruit even if he made it his meal (own opinion) outside of the Sukkah. And he who is stringent upon himself, and will not drink even water outside of the Sukkah, he is praised. And a dish made of the five species [of grain], if he makes it his meal, it considered a proper meal and requires a Sukkah. Rem"a: And nowadays what is practiced to be lenient in the Sukkah, such that only the scrupulously observant sleep in the Sukkah; there are those who say that it is because of the cold, for it is uncomfortable to sleep in the cold places, and it seems to me that this is because the Mitzvah of Sukkah is a man and his household, a man and his wife, and in a place where he cannot sleep with his wife, that he does not have a suitable Sukkah, he is exempt; and it is good to be stringent, and to be there with his wife, just as he resides all year, if he can have a suitable Sukkah

I cut and pasted from Sefaria. As you can see, it's the Rema, not the Mechaber, who says that people don't sleep in the sukkah.

It's interesting that he rejects the idea that men don't sleep in the sukkah because of the cold. After all, Rav Yosef Karo lived in a warm climate, and the Rema lived in a cold one.

ETA, also cool that the Rema suggests wives should sleep out in the sukkah with their husbands, if possible.

twizzlers1

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 3:58 am

Yes He does. We are in Israel and my boys have been as well. I said usually comes in when the sun comes up it moves to his bed in the house where it's quiet and no sun. I even tried since it's right off of our bedroom and quite nice to sleep in but I just can't sleep with any extra noise.

Ruchel

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 4:01 am

No way. You cannot endanger yourself or it's often closed at night and these days with corona it's insane

amother

Lilac

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 4:09 am

Ruchel wrote:

No way. You cannot endanger yourself or it's often closed at night and these days with corona it's insane

What's dangerous about sleeping outside in a sukkah?

Ruchel

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 4:15 am

when you sleep your temp already drops and you may not realize c'v

amother

Lilac

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 4:28 am

Ruchel wrote:

when you sleep your temp already drops and you may not realize c'v

I'm sorry, I don't understand. You're right that body temperature is generally a degree or two lower during sleep. What might you not realize?

Ruchel

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 4:29 am

I don't want to write bad things. Just saying there's a reason it's commonly not done except maybe by strong young men sometimes or hot countries. Don't need a hug, BH my husband doesn't do that

amother

Lilac

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 4:34 am

Ruchel wrote:

I don't want to write bad things. Just saying there's a reason it's commonly not done except maybe by strong young men sometimes or hot countries. Don't need a hug, BH my husband doesn't do that

It's hard to have a conversation if you won't be direct. Are you worried about people freezing to death? I'm pretty sure that most people have the common sense not to sleep outdoors in freezing weather. At that point, there's no mitzva to be in the sukka.

And it's not me who hugged you.

chanchy123

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 4:35 am

My husband does not since marriage, my son (almost 14) does

malki2

Mon, Oct 05 2020, 5:58 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

Ok, so according to DH, this is not a ruling but rather a לימוד זכות by the Rema. Meaning that there is no mention of this at all in the Gemara and Rishonim, but rather there is an absolute obligation for all men to sleep in the Sukka. As it was, the keeping of this Halacha fell by the wayside, and the Rema was trying to excuse those who don’t keep it. But definitely the main obligation is for all men to sleep in the Sukka. As the Rema himself says, the scrupulously observant sleep in the Sukka. If married men were not meant to sleep in the Sukka, then the scrupulously observant would definitely not do so.