Home

S/O of baby meals thread, do you train your husband?

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions


View latest: 24h 48h 72h


amother




OP
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:18 pm
Discuss
Back to top

flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:27 pm
Train your dh?!? Elaborate what you mean
Back to top

amother




Red
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:31 pm
Thankfully mine came fully trained. I can’t imagine the diaper expense otherwise!
Back to top

amother




Smokey
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:32 pm
husbands are not dogs
it would sound appalling: "husbands do you train your wives"
Back to top

amother




Sienna
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:35 pm
I understand what you are asking.
I m guilty of not training my DH in the kitchen
He has no idea where anything is
He has no idea how to turn certain appliances on.
The problem is now that we are older and empty nesters, if I get sick his only way to take care of me is to buy take-out. I don’t like take-out food, they put too much junky ingredients.

I need to get 3 joints replace. Besides other reasons, 1 reason I don’t do it is he won’t be able to cook meals. I would have to prep before.
Also he doesn’t know how to clean a bathroom properly. But the cleaning lady can take care of that.
Back to top

shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:37 pm
Training your husband?
OP, a husband is not to be trained. If you want him to learn how to do something that he does not know how to do, you can teach him or show him, but training is for animals.

And no, I never trained my husband. He knows how to live as an adult.


Last edited by shabbatiscoming on Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:44 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top

bigsis144




 
 
 
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 5:38 pm
amother [ Smokey ] wrote:
husbands are not dogs
it would sound appalling: "husbands do you train your wives"


This!!

“Do you communicate your needs to your spouse like an adult instead of assuming they know what to do? Do you offer to teach them, and/or be patient and forgiving while they learn skills you already have? Do you discuss outsourcing tasks to a third party if necessary, without shaming or blaming?”

See? Respectful, gender neutral, collaborative problem solving.

YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE A TEAM!
Back to top

amother




Firebrick
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 6:18 pm
I educated him and I'm still educating him. In my family, it's taken for granted that nobody is exempt from household chores unless they're physically incapacitated. And even then there are things they can do. You can fold laundry from a wheelchair. DH dad was a classic 1950s dad who never changed a diaper in his life, and would retreat from the dinner table to the couch where he would read his paper while mom cleaned up. That wasn't going to happen to me. We had a discussion before we married about splitting chores. I probably can't take the credit for anything except choosing a dh who seemed like someone who would not resist housework. If dh had shown any resistance to doing housework when we were dating, he would not have become my dh. Of course I still feel that I do more than he does but that's to be expected. He probably thinks he does more than I do. Considering the household he grew up in, he's a champ!
Back to top

amother




Khaki
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 6:32 pm
Well over the 16+ years were married I’ve asked my husband to help in certain areas and explained what needs to be done. Voila, trained!
He can now wash and change the linen and make a couple of shabbos/dinner dishes. He knows how to plug in the vacuum cleaner and run it over the carpet. I don’t think he’ll ever be one of those men who’s a gourmet chef, but most human beings are capable of doing basic chores. He also does the dishes if the cleaning lady doesn’t come, because I hate doing it so I avoid it, and he hates full sinks. I mean we’re two adults running a house. Not sure why some people think their husbands are helpless. That being said, there have been a couple of times when I asked him to do something he really didn’t want to, and he asked if he can do something else, which is perfectly fine (can’t remember offhand).
Back to top

amother




Aubergine
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 8:12 pm
I wouldn't say I trained DH, but I certainly expressed my needs to not be the only one in charge of all the housework and kids' stuff. I have awful HG pregnancies and DH is fully capable of running the house for months while I lay in bed attached to an IV pole 24/7. It's exhausting for him to do everything I usually do on top of working full-time so he's thrilled whenever I feel up to doing anything at that point and he truly appreciates how hard it is to make sure everyone has clean clothing and packed lunches/snacks for school and dinner on the table every night, etc.
Back to top

amother




Brown
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 8:53 pm
Not everyone is so sensitive about the word trained. My husband and I have been together for over a decade now and I don’t mind saying that we have "trained" each other to do certain things differently over time than we used to when single.

Not methodically and deliberately like dog training, but I think we both are sensitive to positive and negative reactions from the other. With repetition over time, that positive or negative reinforcement from each other has, in fact, altered some of our previously ingrained habits.
Back to top

amother




Turquoise
 

Post  Tue, Oct 13 2020, 9:43 pm
Trained sounds awful, but truthfully my mother heard about and saw how my future MIL had to do everything for my future FIL and she worried my marriage would be like that too and urged me to train my husband -- simply meaning, don't allow him to be totally clueless and incapable of anything. Teach him where things go and how to boil water... you know, really basic things. I never thought of this as training - just helping my husband and myself so that he would not be a helpless person at home. My FIL will literally sit around hungry waiting to be fed if my MIL is running late getting home. My DH can now fend for himself when necessary. On many fronts.
Back to top

Ruchel




 
 
 
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 10:31 am
I don't even train children except maybe on a few issues
Back to top

amother




Indigo
 

Post  Wed, Oct 14 2020, 10:38 am
No, I didn't train him, and like others I don't think that word is so appropriate.

He did come from a home where men don't lift a finger, and it took a few years to make it clear that there was no reason on earth why I should do more than my 50% share of household chores (taking into account that we were both busy outside the home too). He understood this on a theoretical level, but it took some time for it to be absorbed on a practical level.

I was lucky that I didn't go in all starry eyed about being the perfect pampering wife. From the start it was clear this was an equal partnership, and there was no crisis a few years down the line when kids started arriving and I suddenly needed more help.
Back to top
Recent Topics

Page 1 of 1 View latest: 24h 48h 72h


Post new topic   Reply to topic    Forum -> Interesting Discussions

Related Topics Replies Last Post
Delicious meals 300 calories or less
by amother
17 Today at 2:05 am View last post
100 Top Baby Names For 2020 24 Yesterday at 10:39 pm View last post
A serious thread- what age do you allow children to cross th 38 Yesterday at 4:53 pm View last post
What is your immediate reaction to thread titles (Part 3) 2864 Yesterday at 12:37 pm View last post
Covid but baby is sick!
by amother
16 Fri, Oct 23 2020, 11:49 am View last post