This weeks human experience in Ami

amother

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 2:00 pm

Not the point of the story but Is the writer normalizing a completely dysfunctional relationship? Where is the communication..maybe (I hope) thats nothow it happened in real life but the way thehusband is portrayed does not sound good. Should such behavior be normalized.. any comments?

amother

White

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 2:58 pm

Agreed, really controlling husband. the mother bore this child for 9 months the husband should not be making this call against the wife's wishes. very disturbing

Genius

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 3:45 pm

I can’t see how a conversation at that point would’ve been productive with wacko hormones and emotions all over the place.
I had a different problem that reader’s might walk away with the assumption that taking home a child with Downs and heart issues turns the house into a hospital. I don’t believe that’s usually the case.
These children are the sweetest, most loving and kind neshamos.

QueensMama

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:22 pm

A story is just that. A story. The author job is to tell it. Approve or disapprove of the characters. That’s your job as the reader.

amother

Plum

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:26 pm

Genius wrote:

So in that case, do you believe the father's will gets precedence over the mother's because a conversation would have been non-productive?

Genius

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 4:38 pm

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

So in that case, do you believe the father's will gets precedence over the mother's because a conversation would have been non-productive?

In this particular case the father got precedence because he put his foot down. Fighting him would’ve led to the same results plus an angry and bitter wife and frustrated husband.
He obviously had very little interaction with these people and needed to be convinced to get to know the child in order for him to become comfortable with the idea of taking her home

amother

Seashell

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 5:58 pm

Genius wrote:

But the story said the child had serious health issues enough to warrant a few month hospital stay. I know a family with a ds child that had severe heart issues lives at home but needs round the clock nursing care from an agency. And some ds children are perfectly healthy. Every situation is different.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 6:14 pm

I didn't read the story and don't know the details but I've been in touch with many mothers and giving away a child because they have down sydrome is a very heated topic, more prevalent in some communities than others. But one consideration aside for the father's concerns of managing and raising a child with extra needs is that some mother's are never the same living with the emotional burden that they gave the child away. That too is a strong point of consideration.
That being said, many children with down syndrome are a beautiful asset to their family even if the first few months can be overwhelming.

amother

Rose

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 6:23 pm

When a “normal” looking baby ends up having autism at two - is he given away too? Asking this as a parent to a severely autistic child who is much more work than the typical DS child.

Genius

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 6:33 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

When a “normal” looking baby ends up having autism at two - is he given away too? Asking this as a parent to a severely autistic child who is much more work than the typical DS child.

People do what works for them. We shouldn’t judge either way.
Down syndrome is generally easier than any other special needs. Because people know what it is they’re dealing with (or think they know) they sometimes decide that it is not within their kochos to handle it.
Regular kids aren’t brought up without hardship

amother

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 6:35 pm

My concern Was that there was literally no dialogue between husband and wife regarding the decision... He made the decision and she did not question him just was terribly heart broken.. Very controlling

tigerwife

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 6:38 pm

I was more disturbed by the 11th grader who was basically forced to get engaged to her uncle. But this story was awful as well.

Genius

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 6:38 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Depends if he’s always like that or if this was a one time adult tantrum that she knew she has no power against.
As a side, of the woman has no problem that her husband is in control why would you care?

Frenchfry

Sun, Oct 18 2020, 6:41 pm

tigerwife wrote:

I was more disturbed by the 11th grader who was basically forced to get engaged to her uncle. But this story was awful as well.

Where was that story?