Has parenting in the 21st century gone off the rails?

yksraya

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:15 am

mizle10 wrote:

Is it actually practically different or does it make you feel different?

yes, it is actually different. Read up thread for some amazing responses on motherly intuition, etc.

amother

Aubergine

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:36 am

I don't think people said they'd actually call cps. They said if something would chv happen, cps would find the parents negligent.

That has actually happened to families here in NYC quite a few times. Cps opened cases and majority of the time , no charges were filed. However, the parents and children went through gehinnom months to years before the case closed.

So save yourself the heartache and do the right thing....

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:40 am

To me it's mind boggling that parents keep their valuables in a safe but their most valuable possessions, their kids, they're don't think twice about leaving them unattended. That having a nice wig is more important than your child's safety.
This cavalier attitude is astounding.

behappy2

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 10:54 am

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

These same women leave their shopping carts an aisle away from them with their pocketbooks on the seat. At least the same type of woman who leaves her kids wandering around a frum shopping mall.

causemommysaid

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:12 am

I didn't mean for this to become a conversation about whether it was ok to leave the baby.

I agree with most of you. I wouldn't leave my baby alone in this situation.

My point was more about the standards today. We have become hypervigilant with our kids and I think it is to an extreme.

To even bring CPS into this discussion means we are losing out perspective.

The other thread referenced about the long term situation sounds very unsafe. Still not CPS level but seriously not good parenting.

watergirl

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:22 am

causemommysaid wrote:

I think it is very disturbing to consider a basic parenting requirement - a responsible party with a child at all times (ie in the home, etc) - to be considered extreme and hyper-vigilant. Losing perspective is when people are so desperate to not have to make adjustments to their comforts of life that they will defend it this much.

Last edited by watergirl on Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:39 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Magenta

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:25 am

behappy2 wrote:

These same women leave their shopping carts an aisle away from them with their pocketbooks on the seat. At least the same type of woman who leaves her kids wandering around a frum shopping mall.

Really? Would they leave an open, visible wallet or cash out on a table or store counter while they visit the bathroom or change in the dressing room? Or on a park bench while they help their kids on the swings? I really doubt it. The first time something gets swiped I am willing to bet would be the last time they do so!

mizle10

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:28 am

yksraya wrote:

yes, it is actually different. Read up thread for some amazing responses on motherly intuition, etc.

I personally don’t leave my kids with a monitor... it’s not something that ever occurred to me but still asking how it’s different than sleeping deeply.

I think I’m a pretty great mother most of the time, but I happen to be a super deep sleeper. I don’t wake up from alarm clocks. Ever. I don’t wake up when a kid climbs into my bed. I don’t wake up from a crying newborn. So how is it different?

I hear how it feels different emotionally, but practically??

amother

Blush

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:28 am

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

One second, you don't let your toddler sit on a park bench eating snack while you walk to the swings 15 feet away to help your other kids? Seriously?

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:30 am

causemommysaid wrote:

I’m a proud Montessori mother. My kids are super independent, and I don’t helicopter at all.
That being said, I am NOT hyper-vigilant or overprotective if I don’t want to leave my baby alone for 15 minutes. I am a parent, and it’s in the job description to not do that.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:30 am

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

One second, you don't let your toddler sit on a park bench eating snack while you walk to the swings 15 feet away to help your other kids? Seriously?

Omg NO WAY!!! My toddler can disappear from right under my nose!!! Let alone when I'm 15 feet away & distracted with doing something else. A park is public. You don't leave a toddler in public when you're 15 feet away.

causemommysaid

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:46 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

I dont consider what the shaitel thread mommy did as leaving the baby alone.

would I do it? no

is it abuse or neglect or terrible parenting? no

Blessing1

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 11:53 am

causemommysaid wrote:

I dont consider what the shaitel thread mommy did as leaving the baby alone.

would I do it? no

is it abuse or neglect or terrible parenting? no

Her original question was if she's "allowed" to leave her baby completely alone, without a monitor, while going to the sheitel macher because she forgot to plug in the monitor. Is this responsible or normal parenting behavior for you??? And even more concerning was her attitude, she thought it was a joke with lol and laughing emoji's and she told us to "chill", as if it's normal to leave a toddler unattended. And when she did decide to plug in the monitor, she left her front door unlocked! Do you really think this isn't negligent behavior of a parent? The attitude of that women is just as concerning as what she's doing.

avrahamama

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:03 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

People said they would call CPS if they knew. I'm hoping they're exaggerating and they would just find a way to help that mom ...

I read articles all the time about people just calling the cops left and right when all the parent really needed was a helping hand at that moment.

Calling CPS could be very traumatic for a child who isn't really suffering from abuse and neglect. They aren't being beaten, starved, molested, or even having any of their needs disregarded/ignored.

I'm not sure it's a black and white as we want to think.

In any case. I'm hoping it's also not as common either. Because we need to build better support systems for each other than a plastic monitor that can break or a call authorities.

amother

Coral

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:10 pm

Consider what would happen AFTER the fact of a tragedy Chas v’ shalom.
If mom had been in a deep sleep...
VS.
if mom has left baby unattended for a few minutes..
And something happened to the child G-d forbid.
Which mom would feel guilty or be blamed for negligence?

Moonlight

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:31 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

are u serious ? How many kids do u have

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:35 pm

Moonlight wrote:

are u serious ? How many kids do u have

3 kids bh. How is it safe to leave a toddler alone on the park bench? Put him in a stroller and take him wherever you go. What's the big deal?

Moonlight

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:39 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

3 kids bh. How is it safe to leave a toddler alone on the park bench? Put him in a stroller and take him wherever you go. What's the big deal?

Toddler would be screaming to join the fun and run off to the slide/swing/etc! Not gonna sit in the carriage

amother

Blush

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:44 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

3 kids bh. How is it safe to leave a toddler alone on the park bench? Put him in a stroller and take him wherever you go. What's the big deal?

Your toddler would agree to sit in the stroller in the park? That's unique. My adorable 2.5 year old would never do that. But I would walk 15 feet away from him to push his baby sister in the swing while he eats a snack or climbs the jungle gym, he knows not to run away plus the park is basically closed in.

Posts like this make me feel like I come from a different universe. Which parent keeps all their children in a row at the park? The whole point in taking them to the park is to let them run and play while you watch and bark orders like "Up the stairs, down the slide" "No pushing" "That's not safe"