Has parenting in the 21st century gone off the rails?

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:51 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

This is me at the park: go! Have fun! I'm usually sitting on this bench if you need me!
And if I go push someone, others can find me too.
We all know not to leave the park

This is me to my odler kids. NOT to my toddler. Who let's a toddler run around the park by themselves while sitting on the bench?

amother

Blush

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:53 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

This is me to my odler kids. NOT to my toddler. Who let's a toddler run around the park by themselves while sitting on the bench?

Me!
I can see him, he knows better than to not listen when I call him. He's not crazy, he's a toddler. He can run and play and have fun without his mother standing next to him

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:53 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Your toddler would agree to sit in the stroller in the park? That's unique. My adorable 2.5 year old would never do that. But I would walk 15 feet away from him to push his baby sister in the swing while he eats a snack or climbs the jungle gym, he knows not to run away plus the park is basically closed in.

Posts like this make me feel like I come from a different universe. Which parent keeps all their children in a row at the park? The whole point in taking them to the park is to let them run and play while you watch and bark orders like "Up the stairs, down the slide" "No pushing" "That's not safe"

Maybe it depends where you live. In the Brooklyn parks it's totally not safe to leave a toddler unattended. My toddler doesn't sit in the stroller in the park, I run after him. If I need to be with another child I either hold him or put him in the stroller.

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:54 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Me!
I can see him, he knows better than to not listen when I call him. He's not crazy, he's a toddler. He can run and play and have fun without his mother standing next to him

He's not crazy but he's a toddler. Toddlers can run away in seconds.

amother

Sienna

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:57 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

This is me to my odler kids. NOT to my toddler. Who let's a toddler run around the park by themselves while sitting on the bench?

Me! Let him enjoy! Watch him w/ your eyes as he explores!

amother

Blush

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 12:58 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

I live in Brooklyn, my playground (the one near my house) has only one entrance and he's usually playing at the jungle gym further away from it. I'm always watching him obviously and he'll hear if I call him, but I'm not running around with him, I really don't see a reason to. He can't escape without me catching him first

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:01 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

Me! Let him enjoy! Watch him w/ your eyes as he explores!

I sit on a nerby bench. But to me 15 feet away is a bit far. Our park is huge with afew entrances and it's usually full of non jews. If it would be a small more enclosed park, I'd probably be more calm about letting him run around himself.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:01 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

One second, you don't let your toddler sit on a park bench eating snack while you walk to the swings 15 feet away to help your other kids? Seriously?

I was responding to the post abt mothers who leave their purses unattended in shops. Her point was, moms are ok with that so how dare you say they don't value their kids as much as their purses. Or something. It is a very twisted way to rationalize letting your kids wander around a mall by themselves. Then somehow it explains why leaving a child alone in a house is ok, too. Rolling Eyes

mizle10

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:02 pm

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

He’s not unattended, you are watching him from the bench!

amother

Ginger

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:12 pm

mizle10 wrote:

He’s not unattended, you are watching him from the bench!

I guess it depends on the playground. Our playground and some others in Brooklyn, the benches are at the sides of the park park, further than 15 feet to the equipment. So all mothers stand around and look out for the kids.

yksraya

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:26 pm

mizle10 wrote:

I personally don’t leave my kids with a monitor... it’s not something that ever occurred to me but still asking how it’s different than sleeping deeply.

I think I’m a pretty great mother most of the time, but I happen to be a super deep sleeper. I don’t wake up from alarm clocks. Ever. I don’t wake up when a kid climbs into my bed. I don’t wake up from a crying newborn. So how is it different?

I hear how it feels different emotionally, but practically??

It's not about how it feels emotionally, nor practically. It's all about responsibility.

mizle10

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:31 pm

yksraya wrote:

It's not about how it feels emotionally, nor practically. It's all about responsibility.

What does that mean?
I’m not talking about leaving a baby alone and going out. I hope everyone agrees that’s not ok. I’m talking about leaving a video monitor with a neighbour who shares a wall, in the evening, when her kids are all settled.
I live in a detached house, I don’t have someone to do this with, but I can’t see how that’s less responsible than going to sleep?
You still haven’t given me an answer.

behappy2

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:33 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Uh hum. I wasn't rationalizing it at all.in fact one day I would love to walk off with one of these kids and give their mother a good scare, except I could be charged for kidnapping so won't do it. Just saying that it's an attitude and we don't know how much they do or don't value their kids. They are living with a false sense of community and safety.

yksraya

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 1:43 pm

mizle10 wrote:

Leaving a monitor with a neighbor is as equivalent as leaving the kids alone, but telling the neighbor that the kids are alone.

And why do you assume that the neighbors kids are all settled for the night? Not everyone is a young mom with 1 or 2 toddlers. But that's irrelevant really...

You did bring up a problem that you (and maybe some others) have. you can't trust yourself to wake if need be. Do you not hear the smoke detector? Do you not hear your baby cry?
You need to make sure your home is baby proofed well in case your kids wake before you. Are you the only one in your house at night? Does your dh wake from the crying or alarm? Maybe he can take the responsibility of nighttime in case of emergency or if baby cries, or he can wake you etc.

If you know you have a problem, you need to find a solution, not ask why your problem is safer than another problem...

SixOfWands

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 2:08 pm

Scenario:

You're home with your your baby, 3 year old and 7 year old; your neighbor asks you to listen in on her baby monitor so she can go to the sheitel macher.

You think maybe you hear the toddler next door climbing out of her crib. You're putting your 3 year old to bed (again). Do you leave her to go check next door? If she's out of the crib, how long do you take getting her back down? Or do you just put her in the crib and hope for the best.

You hear the baby next door crying. At the same time, your 3 year old is demanding attention, 7 year old needs help with homework, baby is sleeping, and you have food on the range. What do you do?

The fire alarm goes off . You grab your baby and the 3 year old, and tell the 7 year old to come with you. Do you take your youngest two with you as you run in next door to get the neighbor's baby? Does it matter how much smoke there is?

yksraya

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 2:14 pm

SixOfWands wrote:

I want to add: and while you run with your kids, you see flames in the hall. Do you first get your own kids to safety, or do you run into neighbors apt while you are holding 2 kids and ensuring the 7 year old is heading to safety too?

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 2:31 pm

Is leaving a monitor that different than leaving a sleeping baby in his crib indoors while shmoozing with a neighbor or watching your other children outside for 15 minutes? or sitting on your deck with the door closed?
In both cases you would hear a smoke alarm but wouldn't see anything.

Moonlight

Wed, Oct 21 2020, 2:33 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

Or eating in your sukka while baby is asleep