How to explain what a rapist is?

amother

Lime

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 12:07 am

pause wrote:

I'd say a criminial who attacks a woman.

No!! What about a criminal who attacks a man?
If cv she ever gets beaten up she’ll say she was raped?
Please find another way to explain it. Or don’t let your kids watch the idiotic debates.

amother

Gold

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 12:13 am

I must have been 8 or 9 when I heard on the radio a woman was raped. I asked my father what it means, he answered when some gets attacked and the attacker takes off their clothes. Or something along those lines. I think it's a good way of putting it. It still feels like a terrible violation at that age but no need to give a whole sx ed class.

ExtraCredit

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 12:14 am

At one point you want to have a discussion about it with the kids anyway. If you haven’t yet, this might’ve been a good conversation starter. If you already discussed it in the past you can mention that “when I told you before camp that there are sick people in the world who touch others inappropriately...” this is what they’re called.

Tzippy323

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 12:14 am

When my son was in seventh grade he overheard some older boys on his van talked big about the Tawana Brawley case. (Not sure if the spelling is right). He came home and asked me what rape is. I told him that is when a man touches a lady without her permission. He replied, I don’t think you’re telling me the whole story!

amother

Amethyst

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 12:31 am

If you don't want to tell the truth, it is still not okay to lie. "It's a person who commits a certain type of crime that is not even appropriate to talk about" is better than misleading the child.

amother

Orchid

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 2:44 am

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Someone who touches erva or private areas without permission?

NO. Because if Gd forbid that ever happpens, you child will mis-describe it to whomever. You could mention the "special private hug" that Mommies and Daddies have, and that if someone doesn't want that hug and says "no", it's rape?

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 3:00 am

amother [ Orchid ] wrote:

true that was too vague. what about rape is when someone makes their privates "touch" each others. This should never happen, no?

tante_feige

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 4:14 am

Someone who puts their body inside another person's body (or who puts another person's body inside their body) without permission.

In first grade, my (very sheltered) kid asked me why a bunch of people were standing outside in the rain... he was looking at protesters outside of a Planned Parenthood clinic. I told him that the building was a doctor's office, and that the people standing outside of the office didn't like some of the treatments that the doctor offered, so they were trying to stop everyone from going inside the building. I then said that I think the protesters are wrong, because everyone should be allowed to choose their own doctor.

You can be truthful and discrete at the same time.

amother

Violet

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 4:18 am

Someone who attacks and forcibly touches another woman’s private parts. You should have the talk about certain parts being private by now.

amother

Seafoam

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 4:25 am

[b]

tante_feige wrote:

Someone who puts their body inside another person's body (or who puts another person's body inside their body) without permission.[/b]

You can be truthful and discrete at the same time.

. I could already hear the questions lining up from my dear child. How do you put My body in ploni's body. Ploni put her fingers in my mouth, is that ok? If we hold hands or hug is that putting my bidy in your body?

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 5:12 am

Personally I would talk to her about sez first so that she knows what it is SUPPOSED to be like. And then you can explain what rape is, so that she knows to differentiate the two.
And Id be surprised if a 12 year old doesnt actually know what sez is Smile

amother

Indigo

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 5:24 am

age 12 is old enough to know. she doesnt know about the birds and bees? if she does then explain rape in a very basic way

pause

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 8:01 am

amother [ Lime ] wrote:

No!! What about a criminal who attacks a man?
If cv she ever gets beaten up she’ll say she was raped?
Please find another way to explain it. Or don’t let your kids watch the idiotic debates.

Oh, I knew my response wasn't exactly PC, but if the 12 yo child who's asking the question is a girl, I think my answer suffices. If it's a boy, I'd answer differently, probably more along the lines of what other posters posted after me (touching private parts, etc.)

tigerwife

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 9:05 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

I agree. She should understand what sx is before rape, otherwise she may have terrible associations.

amother

Puce

Fri, Oct 23 2020, 10:03 am

Omg. I overheard it on the news when I was around 9. My mother told me it was when someone marries someone by force. For years and years I thought it was some possibly romantic kidnap and/or elope type of thing.