DD is overly attached to her blanket

amother

Ginger

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 4:41 pm

Still a little sad my blankie got lost.

Why is it bad to use an object for comfort? Whether that is a blankie, a pacifier, or a stuffed animal? Don't adults use food and alcohol all the time for the same?

If it's immature for a 4-year-old to use a blanket for soothing, then I hope you don't use chocolate when YOU have a hard day!

amother

Aqua

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 4:48 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Who cares???
Is anyone suffering because of this?
Does it bother you?

Op you’re lucky she has a self soothing method. Do not take it away. Ever. My mom took mine away at five and it was not a good idea to say the least. I suffer to this day because of that. I recently got myself an expensive adult size cozy throw and it’s helped fill the void a bit.

Yes. It bothers me- I can’t go to sleep without it. I’m almost 30 for goodness sakes.

My 15 sil can’t sleep without her paci. I’m terrified my kids will be the same way. My 4 year old daughter is very attached to her paci. We can’t take it away- she won’t go to sleep without it.

amother

Taupe

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 5:43 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

That’s pretty extreme. It’s not usually like that.
I’m assuming you had to deal with more difficulties than the norm as a young child and needed the blanket as a form of comfort.

amother

Apricot

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 5:47 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

A pacifier is different because it affects the teeth and speech. I advise going cold turkey with that. Throw out every single one. It’ll be a hard week but the longer you wait the harder it’ll be. Edit: check with a pediatrician but you can give her melotonin that first week. Smallest dose that works within 30 minutes (for my son it’s 2.5 mg).

Kiwi13

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 5:53 pm

So, here I go blabbing a divisive juicy secret... I'm 33 and I STILL sleep with my baby blanket, which I STILL call by the same name I always did. My life is normal, my husband doesn't care, all is well.

Crust, I'm with you all the way!

Do most kids keep their comfort items forever? No.
But if they do, does it really matter? No.

Unless there are other surrounding worries, what's the big deal?

amother

Aqua

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 5:55 pm

amother [ Taupe ] wrote:

That’s pretty extreme. It’s not usually like that.
I’m assuming you had to deal with more difficulties than the norm as a young child and needed the blanket as a form of comfort.

Dont assume anything lol.

My childhood was pretty normal.

Ever heard of sensory???

naomi2

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 6:18 pm

Kiwi13 wrote:

Same. and it doesn't bother me and people know and I'm not even embarrassed

challahchallah

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 7:42 pm

naomi2 wrote:

Same. and it doesn't bother me and people know and I'm not even embarrassed

Me three! Everyone I know sleeps with blankets on their bed. One particular blanket helps me sleep better at night. Who cares?

yiddishmom

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 8:08 pm

nchr wrote:

I have never taken anything away since I don't give my children comfort objects, but is there an issue with having a blanket in her bed? Does it create sleeping or behavioral issues at night? Seems like setting a limit and saying you can only have it in bed makes sense and allows it to not lead to other behavioral issues, rather just being used to go to sleep.

How did/ do your babies/ toddlers go to sleep? What helps them fall asleep?

I'm asking seriously. My husband hates that my 1 year old has a pacifier, but I think it's great. It helps him fall asleep. I don't give it to him during the day, although he sometimes manages to pull it out of his crib... but I'm fine with it.

And OP, most of my siblings had their blankets and pacifiers well past 10. But by BM or bas mitzva it was usually gone...

My mother designated one spot on the main floor as the "blanket drop-off" to avoid the frntic bed-time searches. It helped eliminate it most of the time.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 8:54 pm

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

Guess I'll have to be the odd one out. No, I don't think it is normal at all to require your blankie to go to sleep as an adult. Throw it out. Yes, an adult should learn better coping methods.

What do you consider better coping methods?

amother

Slategray

Thu, Oct 29 2020, 10:18 pm

My kids all had or have their baby blankets.

One of them still has one with her when she sleeps (but she doesn't have to, she just can't throw it away). She is 15.

One of them had his until he was probably 8 or 9. He lost it at a sleep-over but by this point it was less of a security thing and more because it was useful for that purpose. And then it was gone. He still occasionally mentions it like it's a long lost friend. By no means does he pine for it though.

One of them had one into maybe 8 yrs old. (She still has it but it's wadded it up somewhere in her room, discarded or an afterthought). She even had a "back up" blanket in case the original got lost. They looked nearly identical but she knew the original vs the back up based on touch of the embroidery. One time she forgot it on a bench at Disney World (she was 5). When we realized something was missing, we all had little silent panic attacks. Luckily we backtracked and found it still in it's spot! We were so happy otherwise it would have been misery for all of us for the rest of the trip.

My mother took away my Winnie the Pooh when I was 4. It was a raggedy thing. She said she was sending it to the hospital to be repaired. It never returned. And my 4 yr old self never forgot.

Parents think their kids are too young to remember some things and they will just get over it. Untrue!

amother

Fuchsia

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:01 am

My 5 year old is still very attached to his pacifier. I know it’s bad for his teeth but I feel strongly about not taking away a comfort item.
Also, I believe adults use comfort items too - ice cream chocolate alcohol cigarettes.
A lot less benign than a paci.
And he is very oral.
But- I wish I could limit it to just bedtime.
I haven’t been able to do that yet, but I think I want to try.
Any tips for how to do that without feeling like I’m taking away something he needs?

amother

Ecru

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:31 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I would start the process by limiting it by place. Say the pacifier has to stay in bed now. If he needs comfort during the day he can take a break to calm down on his bed with it. Since that’s inconvenient, he’ll probably start using it less and less during the day.

amother

Cobalt

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:45 am

amother [ Ginger ] wrote:

What do you consider better coping methods?

Talking it out with a friend/spouse.
Reading A book.
Taking a walk.
Taking a bath.

I don't know. Any adult way. Having a blankie is childish and seems unhealthy for an adult not be able to cope in a better way.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Oct 30 2020, 12:57 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. The coping methods you listed are perfectly valid, but I don't see why a comfort object (a physical "cue" that helps you feel more relaxed or secure) is any worse. Many therapists will suggest that you create a mental "safe space." A tangible object that helps bring you to that place doesn't seem childish to me.

Taking a walk as a form of escapism or avoiding the issue is unhealthy. Anything can be misused. Even "talking it out" could be harmful if the person you vent to is reinforcing negative perceptions.

Calming oneself down by using imagery, meditation, or a familiar "anchor" (like good ol' stuffed toy) could be very healthy.