Taking home miniatures from simcha sweet table

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 4:01 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

this is appalling. why do guests bring uninvited guests (their kids)?

She said it happened in Israel. There are circles in Israel where kids are invited to every wedding. It may have been a misunderstanding.

In my circles, all the close kids are always invited. Nieces, nephews, cousins. Most smachot have tons of kids.

That said, the poster said a shul member invited the community - that would be weird to bring kids. They are not his family.

amother

Red

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 4:05 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Because many people have a different opinion about this than you. It's that simple.
And, many Baalei Simchos specifically feel, that YES, the miniatures and food stuffs ARE meant to be taken home by the guests.

Yes, but you don't know if the specific baal simcha whose party you are attending thinks food is meant to be packed like take away, or if s/he thinks it's the height of rudeness.

So best to play it safe and not take food home. (Of course, there are exceptions, the woman who said she is home sick and can never attend a simcha is an exception. But exceptions prove the rule).

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 5:09 pm

I buy the miniatures for my simchos, for my tables to look nice and for my guest to enjoy while sitting at the simcha. Being that most of the times the kids were not invited to begin with, the miniatures are not meant to be taken home for them @$3-6 a piece. It's one thing if I tell you to take home the miniatures, it's another, "oh, my kids weren't invited, and they really wanted the miniatures"

sigree

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 5:16 pm

amother [ Plum ] wrote:

Honestly this thread is the first time I've seen an issue with this. I don't have a single friend or family that would be upset. Taking a huge tray of food is weird. But someone leaving with a plate of food or cookies is not that big a deal to anyone I know. It's a drop in the bucket of all the expenses and work of the simcha. I have even seen guests ask to wrap what they couldn't finish.

I've actually seen people make plates to take to work at Brits. And I've seen people grab a plate of finger good if they had a long drive and no one thinks anything of it.

And if I was a morah who invited her students. I'd make sure there was a small buffet for them too. That's part of feeling like a guest at a simcha when you're a child.

A Brit is different because it’s an inyan to eat from the food at a Brit.

amother

cornflower

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 9:52 pm

Along the same vein, I was so mad at my son's bris. Each table had a cute centerpiece with a teddy bear, baseball and balloons. By the time I got down the steps, there wasn't a single centerpiece in the middle of any tables, they were each on the floor next to an older person's chair waiting to be taken home to their grandkids.

southernbubby

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 11:14 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

this is appalling. why do guests bring uninvited guests (their kids)?

When our son got married in Israel, that was the way it was done but the food was served family style and nothing was fancy. Invitations there don't have RSVPS. People just come.

I have seen boorish behavior and people walking off with bottles of whiskey or platters of food. I assume that the only thing that I am entitled to take home is if I am served a meal and can't finish it, then I ask the waiter to wrap up the rest but I would never take home goodies that are intended for other guests. What's the difference between that and loading my plate with way more than is normal to eat? We don't behave like that in public.

southernbubby

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 11:29 pm

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

That's terrible! What did you say to him or her? Why would someone assume that it was theirs to take home? Do we need to put signs on the centerpieces asking people not to handle them?

amother

White

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 11:30 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

Can you approach some guests/family and ask if they have any? Say that you really want one from your own wedding. I'm sure if they heard they would give it back to you right away!!!

I should have asked right away. It’s several years later now and it would be weird to ask, plus we’ve managed without it till now. It’s still upsetting to me because it’s the only souvenir from our wedding.

exaustedmom

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 11:37 pm

We bh made several simchas. By our sons vacht nacht and brissim, we put our foil pans with covers for guests to take home hot food/bagels for their spouses and kids.

At our Bar Mitzvas, we didn't stay left with any miniatures, but honestly we were happy that the guests enjoyed/took home. We did not look after our guests as to who ate at the Bar Mitzva or took home. Who took one or ten. I just hope they all enjoyed it.

amother

Green

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:21 am

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

What bothers me more is the child who is allowed to run around, taking from the table, and usually takes one bite of something and puts it back. And does this for almost everything.
I'd rather people enjoy and appreciate the food rather than it going to waste.

What bothers me personally are those kids who demolish the sweet table at the start of the event. Even if the kids were invited to the event, they should be supervised and be made to wait until the party is well underway.

And it bothers me even more, when its the mothers who start distributing all the goodies to their kids at the start of the event. They tell me it's a bribery tactic to ensure that they behave. Well, if they can't behave appropriately otherwise, then keep them home.

blessedflower

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 3:56 am

This reminds me of my wedding. My best friend prepared the yuchid room for me, she knew what I liked and bought some delicious pieces of cake. I hadn't had a chance to take a bite. Because I got my face retouched very soon after chuppa (I didn't come to the room to start eating right away lol) and than we went to take pictures. After the pictures we went back to yichud room. I was starving. And prefered cake over a heavy meal. Guess what. Someone saw that we hadn't touched the cake and tought it was okay to eat it and even leave the dirty plate and paper still there. Till today I don't know who was so comfortable to walk into the yichud room to eat what was not meant for them. Some people just don't have manners

blessedflower

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 3:59 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

my mom makes a kids table for that reason. With chips, cookies and candy. Kids often prefere that over fancy cake

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 6:29 am

blessedflower wrote:

When I was very young, a cousin and I were left to roam around by ourselves at another cousin's wedding. We found a magical room with two little plates of cookies and we ate them all up!

That was over forty years ago, and every once in a while, my cousin reminds me (with a laugh) of how we ate all the food in yichud room. Oops! 🤭

amother

Wheat

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 6:42 am

I literally have never appreciated my Israeli charedi surroundings so much until this thread. Non of my friends and neighbors would dream to fuss about this.
Simchas are usually simple, no teddy bear and balloon centers.... and if there are they are usually from the neighborhood gmach and nobody would dare touch them cuz they gotta go back there.
At a simcha that typically has a sweet table, most of the friends and neighbors will come bearing a tray of miniatures. Whatever the budget will allow. People don't buy the miniatures.
Children are welcome and allowed to be children. Newlyweds will pack up a little plate for the hubbies waiting and home and so will the harried moms that ran in after promising the little ones a sweet treat in the morning in trade for a quick bedtime.
Nobody is expecting you to fake politeness after travelling (sometimes by bus) just to say Mazal tov.
woman will stand around the table tasting and complimenting each others treats.
And nobody is fishing in the kitchen for the hidden good. Hint- there are non. We are israeli, what you see is what there is Cool

The food is usually a standard cuisine of stuffed pepper and kugels and nobody is pressured to go bankrupt and nobody has so much resentment spilling out all over the place over a simcha. Gosh.

watergirl

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:31 am

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

The food is usually a standard cuisine of stuffed pepper and kugels and nobody is pressured to go bankrupt and nobody has so much resentment spilling out all over the place over a simcha. Gosh.

Quoting this because I cant like it more than once! This is so much more REAL than what I read on here. BH this is more like what takes place where I live in the community I chose to join.

amother

Ginger

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:46 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

The food is usually a standard cuisine of stuffed pepper and kugels and nobody is pressured to go bankrupt and nobody has so much resentment spilling out all over the place over a simcha. Gosh.

This sounds so nice. I see you haven't been to one of those Efrat Liebfreund inspired bar-im (yes they call the sweet table a "bar", it sounded weird to this Anglo) that you find at simchas of a certain crowd in Israel. Same as in the US, it depends who you're hanging out with Wink

number

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 1:18 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Children are welcome and allowed to be children. Newlyweds will pack up a little plate for the hubbies waiting and home and so will the harried moms that ran in after promising the little ones a sweet treat in the morning in trade for a quick bedtime.

See but that’s what happens in my us circles as well. Which is why I assumed op meant that people were taking trays of food for themselves so there was none left for others.