Taking home miniatures from simcha sweet table

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:15 pm

watergirl wrote:

I just re-read this. This post is about your sisters in law, not any other guests. It would seem to me that the sisters in law took treats home for their kids so they can partake in their own immediate family's simcha. Also, the desserts are meant for you? The baal simcha? That's news to me! I thought the food on the tables are for the guests. Why would you even put it out in that case, if the food people brought is meant for your own personal enjoyment? Is there something cultural here that I am missing?

Again, the food is meant for people to eat AT the simcha, NOT for people to pack up to take home UNLESS the baal simcha encouraged them to take home food. Leftovers after the simcha are not meant for anyone but the BAAL SIMCHA to pack up and take home.
Why don't people get this after this whole long thread??

ShishKabob

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:16 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Because many people have a different opinion about this than you. It's that simple.
And, many Baalei Simchos specifically feel, that YES, the miniatures and food stuffs ARE meant to be taken home by the guests.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:17 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

I’m the person who takes 3-5 miniatures or cookies on a plate after being present for at least an hour. Those are for my kids what’s wrong with giving them special desserts? No it’s not for a snack for the next day come on. I barely eat by these events. I’m not gonna buy a choc bar my dd is smart enuf to specifically want a fancy mini I don’t blame her if she has to stay home and she wants to be part of it. I’ve seen at the end of simcha ppl begging others to take food cuz at beg e/o too nervous to take a/t and then end up being stuck with mountains of food most of it has to be thrown out or given To charity. I won’t be the first to cut the cake of course- I agree with no one taking stuff in the beginning of the event it shd look pretty for a little while but trying to not allow ur kids to take desserts if they’re there? I wldnt let them cut the cake but let them take one dessert each, with some fruit and sit at the table and promise more later on when more ppl r there.

Of course my kids know that a chocolate bar isn’t what was served at the simcha but if they aren’t invited and the Bal simcha didn’t urge me to take home then they don’t get any. Just like I don’t pack up my main dish at a sit down meal I don’t pack up dessert.
When my kids are invited I will let them have one thing each to start with. I’ve had relatives that come in a let their kids run off with no supervision because they are a a simcha so they are exempt from parenting. Each kid piles a dinner plate with stuff and they don’t even eat it.

keym

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:17 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Then, they will tell the guests, push the guests, offer the guests.
The guests should not assume.
Even if they personally would want others to take.

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:18 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

If the baal simcha wants people to take home food, they usually encourage & tell people to take home food. Taking food assuming that the baal simcha wouldn't mind and without being offered to take, is rude and poor manners.

watergirl

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:20 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Yes, of course. But I was responding to the actual OP. Please go back and re-read my comment and the post I was quoting. The part of my post you put in bold was me responding to OP who said the food was FOR THE BAALEI SIMCHA. So I said, I thought it was for the guests. Re-read please.

ShishKabob

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:20 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

I'm not disagreeing with you.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:22 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

I grew up out of town and there were no fancy miniatures. Fancy was cut up fruit in miniature cups. People would come to the simcha and bring home a few chocolate chip cookies for their kids- but it wasn't a doggy bag and it was appropriate in the simple small town simcha. If the simcha is a fancy simcha then people wouldn't take all of the fancy cookies and miniatures- it's tacky to take a lot of those.

SixOfWands

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:22 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Disagree with you respectfully sorry.

You can disagree, but you would be wrong.

If, at the end, there are leftovers, you can ask the b'aal simcha if its OK to take home. Taking them while others are still eating is rude. Its a simcha, not a take out restaurant.

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:24 pm

watergirl wrote:

Oh, I understood that she meant that they're packing up leftovers after the simcha which are meant for her to take home.

amother

Burlywood

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:29 pm

Totally reminds me of a bris I made. We had non Frum family coming so put out a few ?black generic kippahs. Not monogrammed, not an obvious goody or gift. Nothing fancy. We didn't want them to be embarrassed showing up bare headed. We ran to a store and bought a couple realizing last minute that this could be an issue...
Someone who wasn't invited just grabbed a few- literally, he took off the yalmulkah he was wearing, shoved it in his pocket, and grabbed those and put one on. A close relative of mine said that those aren't gifts and we didn't have enough for the family who didn't have. You have one so save them for those who aren't frum and didn't know... I am so grateful the relative spoke up as I didn't have the headspace and my husband was so busy too!! I would have hated it if the new great grandfather didn't have one because some shnorror we didn't know took a few!

If you are in a frum shul and there is a small pile of kippahs that are not specific to this simcha DONT TAKE. We didn't want to embarrass our relatives by handing them out but wanted them there in case they were self conscious.

amother

Slateblue

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:29 pm

amother [ White ] wrote:

Also, am I the only one who thinks fancy miniatures don’t taste good? I’ve been to lots of simchas in many places and the miniatures were gorgeous but really not tasty. So now I go for the simple choc chip cookies or rugelach!

The ones that don’t taste good are the medium range ones like iced sugar cookies. The expensive ones are divine.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:29 pm

This thread reminds me of a time I went to a neighborhood women's melave Malka and an acquaintance took a pile of desserts at the begging of the event to bring for her husband. I was so upset because there wasn't enough desserts for all the women and they specifically announced no one should think about taking food home until the end of the event. Her reaction was "ishto k'gufo" Can't Believe It

watergirl

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:32 pm

Blessing1 wrote:

Oh, I understood that she meant that they're packing up leftovers after the simcha which are meant for her to take home.

It's hard to understand exactly what she meant. When I re-read her OP, I saw it differently. The sisters in law took some treats home for their own children who missed their immediate relative's simcha. Maybe an aunt or uncle or something. I think its 100% reasonable to bring one miniature per child and say "this is from Uncle Reuven's vort that you had to miss". OP did not say how much each sister in law took home. She said they took. That's it. Without more information, it seems totally reasonable to me that the sisters and brothers who paid sitters to stay with their kids so they can come to their own sibling's simcha should be able to share it with their kids at home. OP is not talking about other guests - she specifically said sisters in law. It honestly seems kind of grinchy, if you think about it. Of course it would be a different matter if we were talking about 6 sisters in law with 6 kids each, all taking 6 things (that's 38 miniatures!). But we are lacking that info... do you understand what I am trying to say here?

amother

Rose

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:33 pm

amother [ Denim ] wrote:

What bothers me more is the child who is allowed to run around, taking from the table, and usually takes one bite of something and puts it back. And does this for almost everything.
I'd rather people enjoy and appreciate the food rather than it going to waste.

We have a family member that brings along all her kids (and she has a large brood) down to the toddler even when she is specifically told not to bring them due to space constraints and the nature of the simcha. She sees that not a single child is in the room and yet she keeps ignoring with the claim that the kids are sooo excited. She comes early enough and sits each child down to a plate piled high with goodies....

As for packing up the food, only towards the very very end.

gamanit

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:34 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

Has anyone offered to send her a teenage girl to babysit the kids at home?

SixOfWands

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:35 pm

I recently attended a socially distanced, outdoor simcha. It was more of an open house than a sit down affair, so DH and I decided to go about halfway through in order to avoid the biggest crowds. The food was individually packaged (due to covid), really pretty and delicious (or so I'm told). However, by time we arrived, several of the more popular items were gone. The risks of being late, I guess. When I found a seat, however, I noticed that the center of the table was filled with these items. Not a half-eaten one, or an abandoned one. But 6 or more unopened ones, sitting there. "Oh, my kids will love these, so I took them before they ran out." And that person wasn't the only one who did it. I'm not going to starve because I didn't eat x or y, but it was shocking behavior, IMNSHO.

If its packaged for you to take home, please do. If its at the end of the simcha, and the hosts invite you to take things home, enjoy. If you're otherwise unable to feed your children, and this will be the only protein they get this week, I understand. But otherwise, its inappropriate.

doodlesmom

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:49 pm

I’ve stopped ordering cakes or miniatures and only display falkowitz delicious cookies. They are gorgeous, delicious, and easy to grab and eat, or grab and go!
They always get rave reviews!

This is for my Bar mitzvahs where there isn’t an official come and go or official sweet table...otherwise I would need a bigger variety.

amother

Puce

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:54 pm

Was at a wedding in Israel where the baal simcha, to be polite sent an invitation to every member of his shul. He's American. Big mistake.

These families all showed up with all their children even though the children were not invited on the invitation. We're talking 8-9 kids, and sat everyone down at tables. They were all shoveling in food while the people actually invited for the sit down meal had to stand. Because he's American and well-off, they thought it was the wedding of the century and all should come.

Many overseas guests got no meal.

Blessing1

Mon, Nov 30 2020, 1:56 pm

doodlesmom wrote:

Yum Falkowitz things are delicious. They're stunning and yummy.