When your kids' carpool comes in the morning...

amother

Slategray

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:16 pm

amother [ Green ] wrote:

I had my first and only carpool experience this summer with just one other family and I said never again. Thankfully I work for myself from home so I even though it takes sooo much time to bring my kids in the morning I found it INFURIATING that I had my kids ready and waiting and they were 20+ min late picking them up so they were late to camp every single morning. I would much rather just do it myself and not be irked every single morning.

Late carpools are the worst. I'm paying for school! I'm paying for camp!

bnm

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:24 pm

I carpool with someone like that. Sometimes I think the kid opens the door to indicate she is coming then runs to get dressed. Today I came 10 minutes later than usual and I had to wait a few minutes. I had a kid in the back seat that usually goes on the bus and he commented 'My bus driver counts till 5 and if no one comes he leaves'. When I lived in Brooklyn and didn't have a car I would tell the kids that if they miss the bus because they are at fault (if its my fault that I woke them late or clothes wasn't clean its on me) if they where woken on time and everything was ready but they dawdled then I am charging them for the UBER. It worked.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:47 pm

Stars wrote:

If it’s a preteen it’s time to put the ball in the child’s court. Tell him you will be there at xyz time and wait two minutes on the clock. If he is not outside, you will leave.
As soon as the moms frustration is out of the picture and the child gets the responsibility put on his shoulders things should straighten out. Let him miss carpool for a couple of days, it’s not your issue.
The mom has to cooperate with this though, not to show any frustration or push him to get ready in any way. Let him suck it up if there are any consequences. He can walk or miss school, whichever works for the mom.

This only works if his mom is on board. And usually school is not within walking distance if it is a true carpool community. I mean, 10 miles +

amother

Khaki

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 12:49 pm

We wait outside with our coats. It's not ideal in the freezing weather but that's what everyone on our carpool does for efficiency.
I remember as a kid I would get so annoyed that I rushed, and the girl after me would make her hair, put on her coat, look in the mirror, grab her knapsack, see if she needs an umbrella, occasionally mouthwash or take a drink, etc. I tried switching to another partner but it wasn't any better, and those were my two options in the neighborhood for a while. It was very frustrating.
We also had a 5 minute wait time rule (enforced after these two girls would make us late to school). The one or two times we left after the 5 minutes we got phone calls and id get a cold shoulder at school and everyone would know... wasn't great.

Don't even get me started on the one year I carpooled to work.

imaima

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 1:04 pm

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Drop that family next year!!!!

I had families ask me to pick up everyone else and come back. Regularly. Surprised

I don't do carpool so have a question: is it not possible to drop them right away or in a few weeks?

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 3:19 pm

imaima wrote:

I don't do carpool so have a question: is it not possible to drop them right away or in a few weeks?

Big no-no in carpool etiquette. Not if you don't want to start a major feud, have people complaining and smearing you behind your back, and risk getting a bad name for carpools and nobody wants to do one with you the next year. Even if you are in the right, that's just how it goes. You suck it up and deal with it and find a new carpool next year.

imaima

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 4:45 pm

amother [ Indigo ] wrote:

Wow. Them being late is fine though...

mum22

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 4:46 pm

I txt the parents every morning.
“With you in 5”
While I’m waiting for the first child to get in the car I txt the next one.
They do the same for us. When that txt comes it’s coat on and stand at the door.

amother

Indigo

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 5:38 pm

imaima wrote:

Wow. Them being late is fine though...

No, it's not. There just isn't much you can do about if you spoke to the other parent and they either won't or can't get things to change.
That's why I said you need to daven for a good carpool situation each year. And I wasn't joking.

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 7:21 pm

What do you tell your kids who are late? Or who make it just on time but don't get to talk to their friends, which is something that has become essential during covid, and don't have a few minutes to put their things away calmly and settle in? Ds and this boy are actually classmates, and this is causing tension. The kid honestly doesn't see what's wrong, because they make it just on time. He sees himself as on time because he gets up from the table at the agreed time, and doesn't realize how long it takes him to get out.

Thanks for the validation that this isn't accepted. Sometimes I worry I'm being neurotic.

amother

Coffee

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 7:24 pm

would attempt to work it out with the parents that you are there at x time and the kids will be ready at the door and walk out that the kids have to get to school at x time in order to have time to get settled - these rules best need to be agreed upon up front

gold21

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 7:25 pm

I only carpool with moms that I am very friendly with. I've only had good experiences, B"H. I would rather not carpool than deal with some random family that I am not 100 percent comfortable with.

Last edited by gold21 on Tue, Dec 01 2020, 7:27 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 7:26 pm

Fyi, we pulled out of a carpool once midyear. The driver was very unsafe. It's the only reason I would do it. So I need a reasonable plan.