What to tell the grandchildren?

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:32 pm

B"h we have many grandchildren and still young kids at home.

Unfortunately we have been in a desperate financial situation for many many years.
My kids all knew to never expect any Chanukah gifts or gelt because we never had .

Now the grandchildren are all asking for gifts because they are older and able to ask.
What do I say? I have no money at all even to give Chanukah gelt to everyone.
All of the other side grandparents give something and I wont be able to give them anything.
One grandchild came over and asked if I could buy her this particular item and I couldnt say yes and I couldnt even give her money towards it.

It hurts so much I cant give them I just dont know what to do?

amother

Orange

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:36 pm

I would talk to your children and have them speak to the grandchildren. I would think any kid over 3-4 years old can be taught it’s rude to ask for gifts and it’s not a requirement to get them, just spending time together is a huge gift

#BestBubby

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:46 pm

Check out the $1 section at Toys 4 You, Dollar Tree, and other stores.

You can get some cute stuff.

Also, bake home-made cakes or candy like peanut chews.

Make a nice home-made card where you write specifically what you admire about them -
include examples and anecdotes.

May Hashem bless you with Parnassoah B'Kovod soon!

flowerpower

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:47 pm

Kids should not ask grandparents for gifts. They should not expect anything. Whatever they do get should be an unexpected bonus. Do you make a party?

lucky14

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:48 pm

amother [ Orange ] wrote:

Yes. This exactly.

#BestBubby

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 10:51 pm

I don't have much money.

I went on ebay and bought a "lot" of dr. seuss books - like 15 books for $20.

So I can give each grandchild 2 books and it only cost me $2.50.

amother

Lemon

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:01 pm

My children do not allow the grandchildren to ask for gifts and we can afford to buy them. The little ones have no concept of asking for gifts and when we ask the older ones they always say they don’t need anything we should just come see them. They’re good kids but I think they’re well trained by their parents in this respect. When I do want to buy something I reach out to my kids who help me out with an idea of what to buy. OP if you have the luxury of being able to spend time with your grandchildren by visiting them or inviting them take advantage of that to create memories and to let them know they’re loved.

amother

Purple

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:11 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

Tell me what they want. I’ll buy it for you and you can tell them it’s from you. Which it will be.

Always you.
You inspire me.

amother

Black

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:16 pm

Growing up we never got chanuka gifts. My mom gives a $1-$2 trinket to the grandkids, usually a craft type of thing to keep them busy the next day, and the the kids are so happy with it. Or she gives a goodie bag with nosh. My kids are older and it never occurred to them to ask for more extravagant gifts. Talk to your kids to teach their kids the we don't ask for gifts and appreciation whatever we do get no matter how small.

amother

Mistyrose

Tue, Dec 01 2020, 11:45 pm

There are some gifts that are even better than toys. Are there experiences that you could give them? A day out doing a free or low cost activity together, or day at home doing a fun activity and having a special meal? Let them get excited and be involved in the planning, work together to come up with some thing fun and memorable.

amother

Red

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 1:11 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Tell me what they want. I’ll buy it for you and you can tell them it’s from you. Which it will be.

You always inspire me with your generosity.
I hope that I'm able to be in your position one day and able to give.

Rappel

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 1:24 am

Can you tell them that this isn't how your family does things, and tell them what family traditions you do do?

ImmaBubby

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 1:29 am

Chanukah is about chinuch-
Your kids should be guiding theirs about not requesting gifts, and valuing the time and good middos you exemplify.
I love the idea of creating something personal for each one-
They will cherish and value it forever, and it will never go out of style!

ImmaBubby

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 1:37 am

rowo

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 6:08 am

Create your own chanuka traditions!
It doesn’t have to be about gifts, create experiences!
Do they live near you? Can you have your grandchildren over and make latkes or doughnuts or cookies together? Or an arts and crafts?

Or make a voucher / gift certificate for each child for a one on one session with Bobby.
And do a low cost activity with them, ice cream or hot chocolate or walk in a beautiful place, baking together, crafting.

Just kind of brain storming here so sorry if I’m rambling a bit...

Someone suggested just buying cheap little presents. You could buy some small cheap presents, wrap them up and play a game, so the gift isn’t the whole experience. Like the right/left game or make it a funny auction with play money and silly surprises inside the packages.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 6:13 am

mommy3b2c wrote:

Tell me what they want. I’ll buy it for you and you can tell them it’s from you. Which it will be.

And what is she supposed to do the next time? And the time after that?

mommy3b2c

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 7:01 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

And what is she supposed to do the next time? And the time after that?

I can buy for them next year too?

I’m not sure what you want me to respond.... Scratching Head

amother

Mint

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 7:12 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

And what is she supposed to do the next time? And the time after that?

Is this the proper approach to helping another person in need? Why help them now if they might be stuck next time. If people had this attitude it would basically stop most tzeddaka and chessed in the entire world.

I hope people don't have this attitude towards you when you ask for help.

DVOM

Wed, Dec 02 2020, 7:31 am

amother [ Burlywood ] wrote:

And what is she supposed to do the next time? And the time after that?

Seriously?

Hopefully next year op will have the means to fund the gifts herself.

But if she doesn't it's not a reason not to accept help this year.