Have you ever judged someone or been judged...

tigerwife

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:19 am

...For having an unusual name?
Since this forum often has posts asking whether this or that name would pass in XYZ circles, I’ve been wondering, where does this come from? I have met people and thought, that is an unusual name! But their name has made absolutely not impact on our relationship.

What is the danger of naming your child an unusual name? (Obviously, I can understand the dangers of a very unpleasant or difficult or embarrassing name!)

tigerwife

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:31 am

giselle wrote:

I guess I question the judgment of a parent who names their child an “unpleasant” name.

What if the name is nice but uncommon in your circles?

For example, a chassidish Ariella, or an Israeli Leeba?

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:31 am

I'm the author of the most recent thread.

No one wants their kid to stick out or be bullied.

In addition in my case my DH just doesn't like DL names. He wants something he's heard of in his community. So that's a personal preference of his. I don't really care but it's ALSO DH's baby lol.

Kiwi13

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:34 am

I once had a bank employee ask what my baby's name was and when I told him he said, "That must be a family name." I was insulted and hurt. Never imply negativity about a name that's already been chosen!!! (disclaimer: the bank employee wasn't Jewish and likely never heard many/any Jewish names before, but still. I'm fairly certain he would never make such a comment about equally unusual-for-America names from other ethnic groups... but that's a different soap box)

behappy2

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:37 am

tigerwife wrote:

What if the name is nice but uncommon in your circles?

For example, a chassidish Ariella, or an Israeli Leeba?

In Israel having a Yiddish name is embarrassing. A name is an identity. Having a name you are embaressed of is a big deal.

giselle

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 11:38 am

tigerwife wrote:

What if the name is nice but uncommon in your circles?

For example, a chassidish Ariella, or an Israeli Leeba?

I’m referring more to the names that are considered ugly by the majority or that have negative connotations in today’s society. Names that the parent can be pretty sure their child will be embarrassed of, but they get hung up on the fact that they must name after a deceased relative. Ftr, I try to name after grandparents even if the name is just mediocre in my opinion (I usually come up with a cute nickname that I like). I think it is a very meaningful concept. But I would not give a name that is considered ugly nowadays in our society, and I assure you those grandparents do not want their grandchildren to feel embarrassed.

Btw, while I can’t comment on the two names you specifically mentioned as they are both pretty accepted in my circles, I will say that to name a child a very out there name is also questionable judgment in my opinion. There are so many unique yet still acceptable names. Why risk your child being made fun of?

amother

Lime

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:16 pm

I think this is such a personal question.

For example,the name Emunah. I think most people today would think it's fine and lovely, but I think it is a horrible name for a child - beautiful concept, horrible name.

OTOH, I like most Yiddish names. For ex: Breindel. To me, there's nothing wrong with it. It's old fashioned, but so what.

The non-Jews out there are bringing back old fashioned names like Otis, Eleanor, etc. Why can't we when it's based on our tradition?

Also, "unpleasant" is so subjective. Just because YOU think it's unpleasant doesn't mean most people will. I think it's the parents who feel a name is unpleasant who end up with the children that tease and bully.

My sister gave her first daughter an old-fashioned name after our grandmother. She's almost 4 now, and all her peers just accept it. It's only the adults that have a hard time with it and say, "What? Why did you do that?" Those adults will pass that attitude to their children, and those children will be the teasers/bullies. And that is the true shame.

amother

Jade

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:28 pm

In my experience, the only time I've really seen kids get teased over names is if the name rhymes with or otherwise reminds people of another word that isn't so nice. Like the Seinfeld episode with the woman who said she got teased as kid because her name rhymed with a female body part (her name was Delores). Kids don't necessarily know if a name is unfashionable, but if a name sounds like a silly word or initials spell out something, etc, that's the kind of thing that will get a kid teased for their name.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:30 pm

People with unusual or difficult to pronounce names often have trouble getting job interviews. There is definitely some bias at work in the larger world, but I wonder if it filters into ours as well.

Choosing between two gym teachers, Ilana and Shprintze, which one are you more likely to consider?

I have an ugly Yiddish name, and while I don't think it's held me back, it certainly hasn't done me any favors.

amother

Copper

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 12:33 pm

behappy2 wrote:

In Israel having a Yiddish name is embarrassing. A name is an identity. Having a name you are embaressed of is a big deal.

Is this case in all Israeli circles ?
Like... if I lived in an Anglo haredi community like Ramat Beit Shemesh or Har nof , a name like Leiba would be embarrassing?

Obviously in Israeli yiddish speaking communities they use yiddish names

amother

Bronze

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 1:01 pm

Never judged a person, but as an Anglo who grew up not speaking Hebrew, I was horrified the first time an Israeli told me her name was Chagit (my mind went to "hog eat").

amother

Royalblue

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 1:29 pm

Someone I know said they had a boy in chassidish high school named Tudros who was unfortunately teased and not given a chance to prove himself. (Obviously they now know how wrong it was)
He says it’s because it was a rashas name.

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 1:49 pm

My ds raised some eyebrows with his name that is quite popular in MO and DL circles. It happens to also be Biblical in origin but not popular in the haredi world because it's a character so minor and obscure that if you sneeze during leining you miss it. Haredim seem to like only the names of universally famous rabbanim or the heavy-hitters in Tanach: the Avrohom-Yitzchoks, Moshe-Aharons, Dovid-Shlomos, and Yeshaya-Yechezkels. Yawn.

My given name, which I hate, flies very well in haredi circles. People assume I'm from deep in the heart of Brooklyn, which I'm not and never was.

amother

Khaki

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 1:57 pm

My husband has a unique name. He actually chose it when he became frum as a teen and I hate it. It took me a really long time to be comfortable calling his name, I avoided saying it altogether for the first few months of marriage. I don't even know why I don't like the name but we've been married 5 years now and it's just starting to grow on me a little.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 2:04 pm

tigerwife wrote:

Yes, one of my children has a rare name -from Tanach! That is also not a name that is widely used in the secular world.
Comments came from everywhere. Non-Jews: surprise, wonder how to spell it, confusion (the name sounds Muslim).

Relatives: enraged, weird name and named after a wrong relative.

Frum Jews: sounds "sephardi"...

The only people who rejoiced where those who loved the name themselves.

amother

Tangerine

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 2:07 pm

I try not to judge people for their names, which were usually imposed on them by their parents, but I do judge the parents! I react badly to snooty, affected-sounding or "creatively" spelled names like Jewel, Crystal, Krystle and Karynne, unless I know that Karynne was named for her grandparents Karl and Lynne. Otherwise, creative spellings are the equivalent of dressing in fluorescent safety-vest- orange satin: a shameless bid for attention, shouting "Hey! Look at me! I'm special! I'm no plain vanilla, I'm Vainkneegleeyeah." Accent on the "vain".

amother

Silver

Thu, Dec 03 2020, 2:07 pm

I got lost of comments when I named 2 of my children, but honestly I don’t care.
One of them is named after a great grandmother who had 3 long names so it’s just a very very long name to have and the other is an unusual name, also named after someone.