What do people usually do in this case?

watergirl

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:32 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

At this point no! I really do not have where to leave them . As I said, not even 1 option to think of . It's sad but that's the situation now. I think only solution would be to take them with. Wouldn't be our first choice , but better then just not go ... I'm just curious to know if I'm the only one that have such a problem not having where to leave kids?!

You are far from the only one with no one to watch your kids. My husband and I are married over 14 years and aside from our wedding night, have not had a single child free night (second marriage with kids for both of us). We have not even had a family vacation aside from the nightmare my in laws took us all on when we first got married. We have no family who is willing to watch our kids for literally even one night. We have many friends but they are all in the same boat that we are in. It’s not so easy to send your kids to friends. Aside from all of that, we don’t have money to go anywhere. In theory, my in-laws have a timeshare that we have been trying to get them to allow us to use for years but they will not share it with us. It is what it is.

It is hard and very painful but when you have no choice, you just deal with it. Like everything else in life, this is temporary and this too shall pass. I know this is not helpful and I’m sorry. But know you are not alone and are in good company.

amother

Wine

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:39 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

Personally, I would even ask friends and offer to pay. awkward how to say it tho...
I wouldnt want to put my 8 and 6 year old by a childminder but I also would feel bad asking friends for a couple of days.

There are people that babysit older kids for pay. I'd send 2 older kids together so they'd have each other's.

amother

Wheat

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:40 pm

I must be so strange. I never thought to go on vacation without my children. My parents never took one without us either. I have had the occasional Shabbos where my children were all away for Shabbos the same week, either by friends, grandparents, shabbaton... and we were home alone, but I would never think to plan a vacation without them. Is it generational or community based. I don't think most of my friend's have taken non-family vacations either.
And my sister hasn't either-although I would be happy to take her kids and my parents would be willing to take mine and hers as well. The whole concept never dawned on me.

flowerpower

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:47 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

Why is it strange? Because you didn’t do it? I’m a big advocate of change of scenery and relaxing a bit. Hashem wants you to enjoy his world. After 120 it’ll be too late. I gladly take any kids of siblings and friends that want to get away a bit. I do family trips( it’s not vacation) yet I’ll sometimes do a fast mini getaway with no regret.

amother

Wine

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:49 pm

amother [ Wheat ] wrote:

It's not strange, your way of thinking is actually strange. It's healthy and quiet important for couples to have private time away by themselves without the kids.

amother

Lemon

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:54 pm

Really it depends on your finances since there are some resorts which have lots of activities for children as well as having babysitters on staff or verified so that parents can enjoy themselves in the evening.

But in general most people don't take vacations without their children. Maybe they can swing a night away and pay for a babysitter but I really don't know any people who take extended vacations without their children. It's one reason many people don't mind empty nests because they can start traveling and doing other activities they couldn't when their children were younger.

My parents only started vacationing without the kids when their youngest was above 18. Many parents wouldn't feel comfortable leaving even an older teenager by themselves.

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:56 pm

Huh? you never heard of a break for husband and wife, just the two of them??
You ever heard of date night? well this is prolonged date night!!

Im confused. How old are your kids.
Everyone I know understands the part about going away without kids.
Obviously a lot of people cant, but they get the concept.

If you need it though, you know you need it.
So good for you, youre ok.
We could soooo do with a break, but similar problem to op.

amother

Wine

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:56 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

It doesn’t have to be extended vacations. 2/3 nights is perfect for a quick recharge.

amother

Sienna

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 12:59 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I also have this problem so I leave them with a trusted sitter or with friends.

amother

Wine

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 1:09 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

I don’t even have where to leave my kids for a one hour appointment that I can’t take them to now due to covid. Let alone a few days. I would plan a family trip or just not go.

In my experience is easier to find placement for kids for 2 days than for an hour or 2.

amother

Lilac

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 1:44 pm

We like to go away once a year for a couple of nights on our own (or if the youngest is under 2/3 we take them along) it's worked out really well bh. My kids stay by family who live close by, 2 usually by my parents. We sometimes go every other year.

Now with covid we haven't been away for a while, but it's fine for now. I know a lot of people in your situation though op. It's hard but I personally wouldn't leave my kids by a stranger, or have a stranger look after them.
I guess you have 2 options, take them along, or don't go at all.
We're kind of locked up now due to corona where we live...

thunderstorm

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 1:48 pm

tichellady wrote:

Vacation with little kids is not a vacation. I would rather stay home. Once kids are older it Could be fun

Same. The reason why I go on vacation is to have uninterrupted sleep. Bonding time with DH only and zero interruptions. And ME time, with nobody else demanding or needing things from me. That doesn’t work when kids come along.
When the kids get older it gets even harder . They bicker and complain and it adds stress to what is supposed to be a nice break. But it isn’t a break. It’s more work.
I have sent my kids to neighbors, classmates, my close friend, babysitter, family members and one time when I went on an extended vacation to Israel my MIL moved into my home for a week to run my house. That was a huge gift.

amother

Slategray

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 1:57 pm

My kids are little so we haven't gone without them--wouldn't leave a kid in diapers with someone else. When I was a kid my grandparents would stay with us for a couple days so my parents could go away. If you don't live near family that could babysit but you do have someone far away, you could always go there all together and then take a vacation in that area. Obvs after covid stuff is over.

librarygirl

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 2:01 pm

Throwing out a crazy idea. If you really need to recharge, maybe you and your husband vacation separately and the other watches the kids. Take some good books, chocolate, a hotel room on the beach etc. Personally I would love to do this but my husband would never go for it.
A family vacation is nice but not relaxing for parents. As someone wise once told me, it's not a vacation, it's a relocation.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/w.....0/amp