What do people usually do in this case?

amother

Pumpkin

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 5:03 pm

[quote="librarygirl"]Throwing out a crazy idea. If you really need to recharge, maybe you and your husband vacation separately and the other watches the kids. Take some good books, chocolate, a hotel room on the beach etc. Personally I would love to do this but my husband would never go for it.
A family vacation is nice but not relaxing for parents. As someone wise once told me, it's not a vacation, it's a relocation.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/w.....quote

Hahah! I really like that line!! totally!

amother

Forestgreen

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 5:09 pm

Just went on vacation with dh. Last time we went away for more than overnight was 16 years ago.

We did lots of family trips.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 5:14 pm

Ive made deals with friends/family - ill take ur kids while u go away and you take mine, ive also paid a sil of mine once, I feel like a couple of days away without any kids gives my marriage a huge boost, for me its worth paying more for the child care then the actual vacation if need be. I do it once a year for abt 3-4 days and it keeps us going until the next year... vacation with kids is a family trip not vacation at all...

amother

Blush

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 5:19 pm

Are the kids old enough to have friends they can spend 2 days with? I did this all the time in high school when my parents decided they wanted a vacation.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 5:27 pm

Quote:

Throwing out a crazy idea. If you really need to recharge, maybe you and your husband vacation separately and the other watches the kids. Take some good books, chocolate, a hotel room on the beach etc. Personally I would love to do this but my husband would never go for it.

I would do this in two seconds. The idea of having two half days and one night to myself is a dream and my ideal vacation right now. Dh takes it as a personal insult, though. He doesn't like the idea that when I say I want nobody to need me for just one day, it includes him.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 6:37 pm

Not sure how old your kids are so perhaps this is not even an option, but I’ve heard of people leaving their toddlers/playgroup aged children at their caregivers’/babysitters’ houses during the time they are away, for extra pay. Some people are willing to do it and the child is comfortable with them, their home, and sometimes their families so everyone feels comfortable...

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 6:38 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Why is it strange? Because you didn’t do it? I’m a big advocate of change of scenery and relaxing a bit. Hashem wants you to enjoy his world. After 120 it’ll be too late. I gladly take any kids of siblings and friends that want to get away a bit. I do family trips( it’s not vacation) yet I’ll sometimes do a fast mini getaway with no regret.

Some of those arguments are why people take their kids on vacation with them.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 6:52 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

idem dito. Bh for family. Op don't you have good friends were you trade?

I don’t know about OP, but I don’t. My kids are difficult, and it’s only as they get older that I am able to leave them at someone else’s house.
We don’t have any family that lives nearby (my sisters live in different cities, and my Parents, my husbands siblings and his parents live in other states)
We went away once when the kids were very little, but that only worked because we happened to have someone living with us at the time.
We went away for one night a few weeks ago, and my friend (who has all older kids, except one, who can stay with one of the older ones) came to stay overnight and get my kids off to school. However, it only worked because she is still working from home.
It’s very hard to swap with a person who has young kids.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 6:55 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

At this point no! I really do not have where to leave them . As I said, not even 1 option to think of . It's sad but that's the situation now. I think only solution would be to take them with. Wouldn't be our first choice , but better then just not go ... I'm just curious to know if I'm the only one that have such a problem not having where to leave kids?!

Our oldest is 13, and we went away without the kids exactly one time, until a few weeks ago, when we went away for one night, as I wrote about above. You are definitely not the only one.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:03 pm

tichellady wrote:

Vacation with little kids is not a vacation. I would rather stay home. Once kids are older it Could be fun

I disagree, it’s all in your mindset. We take a road trip every summer, and it is most definitely a vacation- it is a family vacation!! The change is so good for everyone!

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:11 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I disagree, it’s all in your mindset. We take a road trip every summer, and it is most definitely a vacation- it is a family vacation!! The change is so good for everyone!

A vacation for the family is not a break for Ima. It has its own value, but is definitely not a break.

amother

Wine

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:32 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I disagree, it’s all in your mindset. We take a road trip every summer, and it is most definitely a vacation- it is a family vacation!! The change is so good for everyone!

It's not a vacation for the mother. Yeah It's fun for the kids and a change of scenery for everyone, but usually hard on the parents. Taking a family trip is not to be compared to a couple going away on their own. Parents don't get to relax and rest up when taking a family trip, you come back so exhausted.

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:34 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

A vacation for the family is not a break for Ima. It has its own value, but is definitely not a break.

Why not? If you go out to eat and go somewhere fun for Ima it’s a vacation.

amother

Wine

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:36 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Why not? If you go out to eat and go somewhere fun for Ima it’s a vacation.

Because you still have to be on top of the kids and the kids still nudge and whine no matter where you are. They still need you. You can not fully relax and unwind when away with kids.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:56 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

A vacation for the family is not a break for Ima. It has its own value, but is definitely not a break.

That wasn’t what the post I quoted said. It said it’s not a vacation with the kids. I agree it’s not a break for mom, but that’s not what I was saying.

Last edited by amother on Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 7:57 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

Why not? If you go out to eat and go somewhere fun for Ima it’s a vacation.

With the exception of homework, I find it harder than regular life. I'm the one planning the whole thing, first of all. I have to adapt to rain or extreme heat or cold or whatever on the spot. We may have one car where we usually have two, which can be complicated if I need something from the store when dh is at minyan, or if half the family needs to leave an activity early. Kids may not sleep well in unfamiliar surroundings, especially if they are sharing a room with people they don't usually sleep with. Very young kids need to be watched extra well, because there may not be a fully child-proofed space. Meals take a lot of extra work, and are cooked with many extra kids around and limited ingredients. And no, not everyone has a dh who can take all the kids while she cooks or rests.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 8:00 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

That wasn’t what the post I quoted said. It said it’s not a vacation with the kids. I agree it’s not a break for mom, but that’s not what I was saying.

OP framed her need for a vacation as a need for a break. Many people think that way. So a family vacation would be an outing, and maybe a break for the kids, but not mom might not consider it a vacation. Some moms might, and focus on the change of scenery and adventure, but many consider relaxing and lack of pressure to be the definition of vacationing.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 8:03 pm

amother [ Maroon ] wrote:

Let’s try again. I wasn’t responding to the OP. I was responding to a specific post that said it’s not a vacation if you take your kids.

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 8:06 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Let’s try again. I wasn’t responding to the OP. I was responding to a specific post that said it’s not a vacation if you take your kids.

Right. And if you define vacation as relaxation and lack of pressure, which many people do, then it's not.