What do people usually do in this case?

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 8:08 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

It's not a vacation for the mother. Yeah It's fun for the kids and a change of scenery for everyone, but usually hard on the parents. Taking a family trip is not to be compared to a couple going away on their own. Parents don't get to relax and rest up when taking a family trip, you come back so exhausted.

Again, I totally disagree. A family vacation can definitely be a vacation, if done right. We usually go away for about 2 weeks, and we (I) plan our trips very well so that there’s a lot of relaxing. We get to rest plenty when we take our road trips.

amother

Wine

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 8:15 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Do you have little babies & little kids? Do they leave their kvetching, neediness, and crying at home?
We've done plenty of family vacations, we had a wonderful time, but I don't call it a vacation for the parents. If you have little kids you can't take your eyes off them, they need to be cared for, I don't know how it's possible for it to be relaxing for the parents, no matter the mindset. You can't change the mindset when it comes to take care of little one's, they have needs no matter where you are.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 8:22 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

Yes, we’ve gone on road trips with little babies, older babies, toddlers....I won’t say it’s a walk in the park, but it’s definitely fun and enjoyable, and we all consider it a vacation.
I’m not here to debate. If you (or anyone else) don’t think it’s a vacation, then it’s not.
However, that’s really not what this thread is about. This is about OP needing to get away WITH her husband, but WITHOUT the kids, and I can totally relate. As I said earlier, we have only gone away two times without our kids- once was many years ago for a few days, and one was a few weeks ago when we went for one night.

amother

Navy

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 10:14 pm

I have gone away a few times without the kids. Once my second child was born, they were all one night only, which was too short to really relax. (I think 2 nights would be much better).
The thing is -
Even if It wasn’t Covid times
And
Even if I could find a babysitter (which is hard)
And
Even if could deal with all the logistics like carpool and schedules for the babysitter etc...

My kids mind so much that it’s just too hard. Yes, I think that it would be so good for us as a couple, but I know they really dislike when we go away no matter how much we explain. So I wonder if we should just wait till they are older?

This thread hasn’t at all discussed how hard it is to when you’re kids aren’t on board (even if you feel comfortable that it’s the right thing to do) it’s just hard to leave kid who really don’t want you to.

I’d love to see what other people say

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 10:31 pm

amother [ Navy ] wrote:

If it’s something that you want to make a habit of, then they will get used to it.
I don’t think you should let your kids dictate your life. What if they don’t like when you go out to go to the mikvah? What if they don’t like when you go out to do some errands and leave them at home?

amother

Gray

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 10:41 pm

This is why I haven't had a vacation to myself or just DH and myself in over 16 years Banging head

Going to the hospital to give birth for a night or two is a huge dilemma for us. I told DH it's my greatest wish to just book a hotel in the middle of Timbucktoo, Nowheresville for myself for a night or two just to sleep uninterrupted lol.

tichellady

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 11:16 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

I disagree, it’s all in your mindset. We take a road trip every summer, and it is most definitely a vacation- it is a family vacation!! The change is so good for everyone!

Glad to hear it works for you!! Has not been my experience so far but wish it was

amother

Maroon

Sun, Dec 20 2020, 11:20 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

It depends what's meant by the kids minding. My dh has a major need to get away with just me. I don't, though it's definitely nice and I appreciate the extra sleep. The problem is that some of our kids are very negatively affected, both by us being gone and by the differences in how the house is run and the rules. Plus, every year there's more that my parents need to do, which I think is too much for them, or that I have to arrange so they don't have to. The arrangements before we go, fall out after we get back, and occasional managing while we are gone cancel out the whole benefit for me most of the time.

If it's necessary, though, that might be enough to account for that. I have a friend who has one kid who has sleep disturbances for a couple weeks after she's gone for a few days. I wouldn't go, but she feels like she needs it to function for the rest of the year so it's worth it.

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 8:27 am

My opinion is , depending age of kids your taking with . U cannot compare a toddler age to a 6 year old . If It was a toddler age I wouldn't think twice to take along , then I would sure rather chose to stay home . (Hardest age for me) a 6 year old, atleast mine is mature already and you can explain and communicate what you expect or demand in a vacation if planning to take along, whereas a toddler age you just have to babysit and be on top of 24/7 . It's a different kind of being on top of a Toddler than to be on top of a 6 or 9 year old . I find it much easier . Mine is 11 and 6 . Not hard ages at all! and a big part is also the nature of the kids, some people have harder kids and some easier. Everyone has to know their kids to know if a vacation can mean a vacation, or the kids can take your head off . My kids are ok . Definitely not the same as going alone just me a dh , but can be a real change and fun. Again, no. with a toddler, just no!

LittleMissMama

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:39 am

I don't really understand this discussion. You either take them on what is a family trip or you find someone to watch them so it can be a couples getaway. You say you have no one to watch them. Welcome to the sucky situation that many many parents have. I'm sorry. It's hard.

Your other option is to find a college age babysitter, get to know them, hire them and pray for the best. This is always an option, even if you don't think it's a good one. I did this after 11 years of parenting when we really needed 2 nights alone. My youngest was 3. It was fine in the end. Nothing horrible happened. I prepped so much for this babysitter - stocked the home with every little thing, lots of cooked food, fresh laundry etc She did call a lot while we were away with lots of questions but such is life. It was worth it in the end.

Your kids are older... much easier than leaving a baby or toddler.

amother

Wine

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 9:43 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

A 6 & 11 I'd definitely leave by neighbors or classmates.

FranticFrummie

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 1:01 pm

OP, I hear you. When my sister was around 9 and I was around 12, my parents used to be able to get away for a weekend once or twice a year. We had an overnight baby sitter, and we were fine.

I would say a mature 7yo would be the youngest I'd recommend for an overnight sitter. Of course family is better (assuming you have a functional relative), but not everyone is so blessed. Not everyone has stable extended family, or family close by, or family that's even willing to help even if they are right next door.

I've done overnight babysitting, and for younger kids it's horrible. You never know if they'll have separation anxiety, until 10 minutes after the parents are out the door. Then they realize that mom and dad are truly gone, and they freak OUT!

When toddlers wake up in the middle of the night, they only want mom, not you. When the baby is going through certain stages, she'll scream all night in fear, wanting mom. Wearing mom's old sweatshirt will not trick her into calming down. Nobody likes to feel abandoned, especially when they don't have the logic to understand.

Kids will be anxious during the day, and this will make them act out really badly. They can't help it, and they probably can't even tell you exactly why they are doing it. It's just non stop meltdowns and misery, and when one kids goes off, it's contagious to the rest of them.

I love kids with all my heart, but there have been times when I've sworn there is not enough money to make me do it again with that family. Not only is it exhausting, it's really not fair for the kids.

amother

Fuchsia

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:07 pm

amother [ Wine ] wrote:

A 6 & 11 I'd definitely leave by neighbors or classmates.

If you have neighbors or classmates that you/your children are friendly with, and your children will behave at someone else’s house, and if the family is able. Technically they are old enough, but not every family is able to take in extra kids during school. I know I can’t. (But I also don’t ask people to take my kids, so it’s not like I’m taking but not giving back.)

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:16 pm

I'm laughing to myself while reading posts saying I can send to friends or classmates. Obviously I dont have where to send, if I needed to open this thread. Otherwise it wouldn't be a problem and everything couldve worked out just fine.
I appreciate though in any way to hear everyone's opinion to it.

amother

Cerise

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:24 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If none of those options work for you, it's either take the kids along, or postpone your vacation until you do have childcare available.
That's life sometimes....

amother

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:28 pm

amother [ Cerise ] wrote:

If none of those options work for you, it's either take the kids along, or postpone your vacation until you do have childcare available.
That's life sometimes....

Right! I think will need to just turn it into a family get away. As long as its without a toddler I can still consider doing it .

amother

Wine

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:45 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why can't you just ask any of your kids classmates? Are they homeschooled? Or a neighbor? I don't get the issue. Didn't you open this thread for advice because you don't have where to send?

flowerpower

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If your kids are 6 and 11 then you shouldnt have a hard time finding placement for them for 2 days during the week. Really!

Couple time is very healthy.