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Forum
-> Household Management
-> Finances
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amother
Oak
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 Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:29 am
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Do not discourage him! Yes, it's hard. Most worthwhile things in life are hard. But people do it, and we need people to do it. Would definitely advise him to talk to doctors about the experience so he goes in with his eyes open. Residency in particular is a killer, he will need to marry someone who can handle it (gonna be honest here, my parents' marriage did not survive my father's residency). But if this is his dream, he will make it work. He will do what it takes. And you should encourage him.
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amother
Khaki
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:30 am
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I have close family who are doctors, not worth it they say and they would not advise people to do it. You work extremely hard for years. A better job would be an NP, or nurse anesthetist or something unrelated to medicine. Can make a decent living with better hours and less loans in something else. The ones I know regret doing it. And its not just Jewish doctors who say this. Their own friends and colleagues who are not Jewish wouldn't do it again if they could. And most frum doctors say the same these days. He should talk to A LOT of doctors about their fields before deciding.
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amother
Babyblue
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:33 am
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Just to provide some counterpoint all the doctors I am friends with are very happy and wouldn’t choose any other career.
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amother
Pearl
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:49 am
First thing to ask is, how old is your son? If he’s 10, start supplementing his math and science education now. It will make a big difference!
My husband is in his last leg of a (very very very) long training road. We got married while he was still in undergrad and I’ve supported him every step of the way. It is tiring and draining and stressful on the whole family, I won’t lie. I am basically a single mom for long stretches of time and can’t count on DH for anything. I do EVERYTHING in our life basically. He helps when he’s home but daily chores, appointments, bills, etc - that’s all me.
However, my husband also wanted to be a doctor when he was very young and he LOVES it. Like, loves it. He’s in a surgical specialty and he can spend the whole day in the OR (and talk about it all day too lol). The way his face lights up when he talks about his cases makes it all worthwhile.
But again, it’s very very hard on the wives and families. The wife MUST be on board. There was a thread here a couple years back which still makes me upset to think about - a woman’s husband decided he wanted to go to med school after they already had 4 kids and she DID NOT want to get involved in that whole thing and they ended up divorced. That husband just wanted to do his own this and honestly sounded like a selfish *******. It takes full full support from your spouse. And/or full time help.
We’ve also moved for medical school, again for residency, and AGAIN for fellowship. Being in a great community makes a big difference. We hated where we were for residency and that def made it harder.
While my husbands starting salary will probably be in the mid-400k range, right now we’re paycheck to paycheck (and sometimes not even). We have no savings, no retirement plan, no investments. For a couple in their mid-30s, it’s kind of depressing. And stressful. We only have a couple more years to go, but finances have been a struggle. And I’m not even thinking about the hundreds of thousands of dollars of med school debt.
As you can see, I can talk about this all day lol. It’s been my husbands dream and I love him dearly and I’m so happy I could do this with him. But it takes a ton of work and stress and financial investment, and it WILL TAKE OVER HIS WHOLE LIFE. If he’s ok with that, and working harder than he ever has every single day for upwards of 10 years, definitely help him pursue his dream!
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applesbananas
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 12:03 pm
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OP are u in Israel? If your not u can PM. Dh helps guys navigate the complex premed system to set themselves up for success ..
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amother
Amber
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 12:10 pm
I want to chime in and say, there are more business minded doctors and less. Dh is a super sweet guy and initially went into the field cuz he wants to be in a helping profession. Now he’s 3 years into med school and he really wants me to have it easier after he’s done. He’s not going to go into a field that isn’t lucrative.
I work super hard and have a few child (bh!!!) we managed to buy a house during pre med. DH is in a state school which isn’t as expensive as a private med school. We will probably be left with around 200k in debt when he’s done. For some reason it doesn’t scare me (maybe I’m an optimist maybe I’m naive) we bh pay our mortgage with my salary so we’ll have another salary iyh and a 2nd mortgage called student loans. Dh works hard to bring in any income he can. He’s done tons of odds and ends jobs over the years. He’s very savvy. I bh don’t harbor resentment towards my current situation but maybe I’ll be singing a diff song down the road. I consider myself very blessed to be able to help DH achieve his goals and to help make more frum doctors...
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amother
Khaki
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 1:57 pm
| amother [ Pearl ] wrote: | | There was a thread here a couple years back which still makes me upset to think about - a woman’s husband decided he wanted to go to med school after they already had 4 kids and she DID NOT want to get involved in that whole thing and they ended up divorced. That husband just wanted to do his own this and honestly sounded like a selfish *******. It takes full full support from your spouse. And/or full time help. | I was wondering what happened to that poster.
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GLUE
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 4:46 pm
Can you start Collage in High School?
There is some book about a family -not Jewish who started all there kids they had 10 collage in High School some even younger so that they could start working at 23
I am not saying that you should go this route but maybe start talking classes
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amother
Orange
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 4:51 pm
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I didn’t read any of the replies, but if he wants to be a dr, let him do it. Please don’t encourage him out of it if it’s his dream. A PA, RN, etc are not the same. I was encouraged out of it, and I was miserable at my job. I’m currently studying for the MCAT. It’s much harder now that I’m married with kids, and I regret not starting when I was single. But I’m doing it, and I’m so excited.
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bruriyah
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 4:54 pm
| amother [ Orange ] wrote: | | I didn’t read any of the replies, but if he wants to be a dr, let him do it. Please don’t encourage him out of it if it’s his dream. A PA, RN, etc are not the same. I was encouraged out of it, and I was miserable at my job. I’m currently studying for the MCAT. It’s much harder now that I’m married with kids, and I regret not starting when I was single. But I’m doing it, and I’m so excited. |
Good luck!
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amother
Tangerine
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 5:36 pm
| amother [ Green ] wrote: |
Doctors make no money anymore - they are all pressured to become employees of hospital networks on a salary set by hospital executives with MBA's at most who make more than any doctors on staff could ever dream of. Doctors have mostly been forced out of private practice. Those who remain have trouble getting new patient referrals because the hospitals all refer to in network doctors and either reward or ding the in network doctors that work for the hospital if they refer patients in-network or not. |
Thanks for sharing this. My ds is dating and was turned down by a girl who only wants a doctor or lawyer. Now I realize how silly this is.
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mommy3b2c
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 5:54 pm
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You need encourage him in pursuing his dreams. Believe in him. That’s what a (good) mother does.
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amother
Khaki
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 5:58 pm
| amother [ Orange ] wrote: | | I didn’t read any of the replies, but if he wants to be a dr, let him do it. Please don’t encourage him out of it if it’s his dream. A PA, RN, etc are not the same. I was encouraged out of it, and I was miserable at my job. I’m currently studying for the MCAT. It’s much harder now that I’m married with kids, and I regret not starting when I was single. But I’m doing it, and I’m so excited. | I have relatives that had this dream since they were babies, they went became doctors, and are not happy. They wish they would have chosen something else. Sometimes things look better than they are from the outside.
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amother
Orange
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:01 pm
| amother [ Khaki ] wrote: | | I have relatives that had this dream since they were babies, they went became doctors, and are not happy. They wish they would have chosen something else. Sometimes things look better than they are from the outside. |
I read medical textbooks for fun. I volunteered in a hospital. I binge-watch surgeries on YouTube. I have friends who are drs and med students, and we talk about medicine all the time. I love medicine from the inside out.
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amother
Pearl
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:34 pm
| amother [ Orange ] wrote: | | I read medical textbooks for fun. I volunteered in a hospital. I binge-watch surgeries on YouTube. I have friends who are drs and med students, and we talk about medicine all the time. I love medicine from the inside out. |
This is the attitude you need to have to really become a doctor. People who waffle, or say “well, it’s this or law school” or “my parent was a doctor” or even “it sounds interesting” don’t have what it takes to really see it through.
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amother
Ivory
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:40 pm
| amother [ Orange ] wrote: | | I didn’t read any of the replies, but if he wants to be a dr, let him do it. Please don’t encourage him out of it if it’s his dream. A PA, RN, etc are not the same. I was encouraged out of it, and I was miserable at my job. I’m currently studying for the MCAT. It’s much harder now that I’m married with kids, and I regret not starting when I was single. But I’m doing it, and I’m so excited. |
Ppl who really want to be drs really don’t want to be PA or RN or NP. It’s unusual.
Especially if going for specialty. (Staying a GP or Peditrician pays very little these days)
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amother
Orange
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:44 pm
| amother [ Ivory ] wrote: | Ppl who really want to be drs really don’t want to be PA or RN or NP. It’s unusual.
Especially if going for specialty. (Staying a GP or Peditrician pays very little these days) |
For me, it’s not about the pay. All the money in the world is worth nothing if I’m depressed at my job. Iy”h, when I don’t hate my job, the money will be a nice plus to it. I do plan on specializing, either way.
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amother
Blonde
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 6:45 pm
| amother [ Tangerine ] wrote: | | Thanks for sharing this. My ds is dating and was turned down by a girl who only wants a doctor or lawyer. Now I realize how silly this is. |
this is off thread but had to share. Once tried to set a girl up with a doctor. She said she would only date a doctor. So I called her about an internist. She said "oh I really only want a heart surgeon" ...
OP the charedi world could use more charedi doctors. I just heard a tear jerker of a shiur by Rabbi Kelemen. https://youtu.be/e4OdSdQSV_Y
Listen to it with your son. It was unbelievable and one part of it had me in tears from laughter and genuine gratitude for Torah.
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bruriyah
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 7:46 pm
| amother [ Khaki ] wrote: | | I have relatives that had this dream since they were babies, they went became doctors, and are not happy. They wish they would have chosen something else. Sometimes things look better than they are from the outside. |
Ok, but many of us who went to medical school are very happy with our decision. 
My only regret is not doing it sooner.
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amother
Cobalt
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Mon, Dec 28 2020, 8:06 pm
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Mishpacha has an article this past week about shomer shabbos residencies. It’s very hard to find and difficult to work out. The article was very informative
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