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Forum
-> Parenting our children
how many kids do you have?
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| none yet |
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10% |
[ 22 ] |
| 1 - 2 |
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41% |
[ 84 ] |
| 3 - 4 |
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28% |
[ 59 ] |
| 5 - 6 |
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10% |
[ 21 ] |
| 7 or more |
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8% |
[ 18 ] |
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| Total Votes : 204 |
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Tamiri
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 Thu, Mar 06 2008, 2:11 pm
| cassandra wrote: |
But some keep saying that there IS pride in the number of children you have. |
I am not hearing that. It just so happens that the woman who started this thread has quite a few children, but I believe that by the same token *I* could have posted first and asked, out of curiousity how many children people have, or anyone else could have posted. There is no shame in asking how many children people have, there is no shame in being proud of having 1 or 2 or 3 or more and there is no shame in being proud of having 10. This is a woman's forum, and women discuss kids. That's the way life is.
Do you think that mother would be less proud if she had 2 or 4 or 6? I think not, especially since the children are viewed as individual gifts - you are happy with whatever you get.
Personally I was no less proud with 3-4 than I am with 5.
It's not a factor of how many you have, it's a factor of being proud of them bichlal.
I don't get comparing your material wealth, the bank statement, with your spiritual wealth and what you are going to leave behind after 120 - your children.  . And let me tell you: there ARE plenty of people who view their material assets as their claim to fame and who the heck wants to deal with people like that? I would never have thought up that comparison. Children are more like Jewels, to be displayed proudly.
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grin
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 2:14 pm
| Tamiri wrote: | I am not hearing that. It just so happens that the woman who started this thread has quite a few children, but I believe that by the same token *I* could have posted first and asked, out of curiousity how many children people have, or anyone else could have posted. There is no shame in asking how many children people have, there is no shame in being proud of having 1 or 2 or 3 or more and there is no shame in being proud of having 10. This is a woman's forum, and women discuss kids. That's the way life is.
Do you think that mother would be less proud if she had 2 or 4 or 6? I think not, especially since the children are viewed as individual gifts - you are happy with whatever you get. |
yes, that's true. thank you - I feel exonerated. but I think that it would be more correct to say I am more "honored" than "proud".
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cassandra
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 2:21 pm
It doesn't seem like you are reading my posts because I have said multiple times that I have no problem with mothers being proud of their children. What I have said is that I have a problem with mothers being proud simply because they have a specific number of children, and that is what this poll sounds like to me.
And again, Tamiri, I ask you what the NUMBER signifies. If we are both proud of being mothers and of the children we have, what difference does it make if she has 3 and she has 4 and she has 9? What is the purpose of having a thread listing a measurement, which tells you absolutely nothing? Someone could have 12 crack babies, and for the purpose of this poll she is just like everyone else.
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Tamiri
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 2:49 pm
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Cassandra, just idle curiosity. Just like: do you cover your hair in the bedroom, how many times a week do you do laundry, how much do you spend on groceries, how many kids do you have. It's called chit-chat.
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cassandra
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 2:55 pm
The purpose of my original statement was not to get the thread shut down because it is highly offensive, only that I myself found the poll unseemly. Should I have kept my mouth shut? Possibly. But like you said, it's just chit chat.
And perhaps a better analogy, if you don't like wealth, would be something like threads entitled "how much tehillim did you say today?" "how much tzedaka did you give today?"
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Tamiri
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 3:02 pm
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Well, there is more tehillim to say now as at least 6 kids were murdered in yeshivat Mercaz HaRav about an hour ago. 6 Jewels lost... and more wounded.
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ora_43
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 4:56 pm
| cassandra wrote: | | And again, Tamiri, I ask you what the NUMBER signifies. If we are both proud of being mothers and of the children we have, what difference does it make if she has 3 and she has 4 and she has 9? |
Doesn't it make a difference? Of course a woman can be a wonderful mother with 3 or 4 or 9 kids, and should be proud of her accomplishments with 3 or 4 or 9 kids, but it's still very different raising 9 kids from raising 3, no? If nothing else just in terms of the energy and physical effort required. There's a reason that some people decide to stop before 9--they know it's harder, it's a different family dynamic, etc.
I'm saying this as a mother of one, btw (although hoping for more).
| Quote: | | Someone could have 12 crack babies, and for the purpose of this poll she is just like everyone else. |
Who on this board would have 12 crack babies, or even one?  I think the poll was to ask "how many kids are you raising" (as opposed to "how many babies did you manage to birth, including those taken by dss") even if those weren't the exact words.
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mimsy7420
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 4:57 pm
As my husbands bubby always says, we count money not children. 
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cassandra
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:03 pm
| ora_43 wrote: |
Who on this board would have 12 crack babies, or even one? I think the poll was to ask "how many kids are you raising" (as opposed to "how many babies did you manage to birth, including those taken by dss") even if those weren't the exact words. |
If that were the question then it should have been worded that way. So that it could include foster children, grandchildren, and children you babysit whose parents are at work most of the day and it could exclude children that have r'l passed away or have grown up and moved away.
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amother
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:05 pm
| ora_43 wrote: | Doesn't it make a difference? Of course a woman can be a wonderful mother with 3 or 4 or 9 kids, and should be proud of her accomplishments with 3 or 4 or 9 kids, but it's still very different raising 9 kids from raising 3, no? If nothing else just in terms of the energy and physical effort required. There's a reason that some people decide to stop before 9--they know it's harder, it's a different family dynamic, etc.
| This raises something that I've been thinking about. I have no doubt that it's very, very hard to raise a lot of kids, not to mention a million times harder to be organized, keep kids fed, clothes clean, etc. But I have noticed that some of the mothers I've seen who have a lot of kids tend to turn the older kids into mini-mommies, specifically the girls. I have mixed feelings about that, as even older children need time and space. I constantly notice the older kids being like additional mothers, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Obviously, it greatly lightens the load for the mother, and makes it much easier to have all of those kids, right? What I'm saying is that, in some cases, the mothers of 3 or 4 I know still have their hands full. Also, some kids are easier or more difficult than others. I have a friend with two, and one of them is an extremely difficult child. Of course, they have $ and full-time help, which also can make a difference. I know I'm all over the place with this, but it's a complicated question.
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amother
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:06 pm
| ora_43 wrote: |
Who on this board would have 12 crack babies, or even one? I think the poll was to ask "how many kids are you raising" (as opposed to "how many babies did you manage to birth, including those taken by dss") even if those weren't the exact words. | Wait, I'm supposed to include my crack babies in this poll? Why didn't you say so!
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amother
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:22 pm
| amother wrote: | | ora_43 wrote: |
Who on this board would have 12 crack babies, or even one? I think the poll was to ask "how many kids are you raising" (as opposed to "how many babies did you manage to birth, including those taken by dss") even if those weren't the exact words. | Wait, I'm supposed to include my crack babies in this poll? Why didn't you say so! |
Amother above, please identify yourself. You are without a doubt one of the posters defy is referring to in her Another Reason I Hate Amother post.
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ora_43
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:24 pm
| amother wrote: | | ora_43 wrote: | Doesn't it make a difference? Of course a woman can be a wonderful mother with 3 or 4 or 9 kids, and should be proud of her accomplishments with 3 or 4 or 9 kids, but it's still very different raising 9 kids from raising 3, no? If nothing else just in terms of the energy and physical effort required. There's a reason that some people decide to stop before 9--they know it's harder, it's a different family dynamic, etc.
| This raises something that I've been thinking about. I have no doubt that it's very, very hard to raise a lot of kids, not to mention a million times harder to be organized, keep kids fed, clothes clean, etc. But I have noticed that some of the mothers I've seen who have a lot of kids tend to turn the older kids into mini-mommies, specifically the girls. I have mixed feelings about that, as even older children need time and space. I constantly notice the older kids being like additional mothers, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Obviously, it greatly lightens the load for the mother, and makes it much easier to have all of those kids, right? What I'm saying is that, in some cases, the mothers of 3 or 4 I know still have their hands full. Also, some kids are easier or more difficult than others. I have a friend with two, and one of them is an extremely difficult child. Of course, they have $ and full-time help, which also can make a difference. I know I'm all over the place with this, but it's a complicated question. |
For sure there are a lot of factors that can create different challenges for mom and family: how far apart in age are the kids, can the family afford help, are the older kids helpful, do any of them have disabilities/illnesses, are the parents still married and in good health, etc, etc. I don't think 9 kids is always harder than 8 is always harder than 7 etc. I just think that the number of kids tells you something (not everything!) important about someone's life.
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amother
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:24 pm
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Yes, Miss Know-it-all, I am one of them. I am the one who posted in blue over there. Defy hates me. (insert weepy emoticon here)
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amother
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:25 pm
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Obviously, my post above was in response to the woman who ordered me to identify myself.
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Raisin
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:30 pm
Hey, Ms Blue Poster, are you Clarissa?
(I'll admit, I checked the users online and Clarissa was here 5 minutes ago)
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Clarissa
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 5:53 pm
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Do you want a prize, Miss Smartypants? Or would you take one of my crack babies?
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Mrs. XYZ
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 7:34 pm
| Clarissa wrote: | | Do you want a prize, Miss Smartypants? Or would you take one of my crack babies? |
I want a sticker too! I guessed you on page 3! 
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Clarissa
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 7:37 pm
| Mrs. XYZ wrote: | | Clarissa wrote: | | Do you want a prize, Miss Smartypants? Or would you take one of my crack babies? |
I want a sticker too! I guessed you on page 3! | That was you as amother? Very good. I'll be sending over the sticker, along with the complementary crack baby.
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Mrs. XYZ
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Thu, Mar 06 2008, 7:38 pm
btw, welcome back!
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