Shloime Zionce and Peter Santanello series on Chassidim

amother

Wine

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:27 am

agree with all your posts odchai
thought all the things you posted! thanks for saying it!

and love your screen name

thanks for the link as well

LovesHashem

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:46 am

cbsp wrote:

The boys wear yarmulkas

Ah.... Nachon.

HeartyAppetite

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 5:59 am

LovesHashem wrote:

I always thought hair was tamei. If you touch it you should wash netilat yadayim. I wasn't taught men's and women's hair is different.

So why just the daughters?

Because the boys are wearing a kappel, so his hands are not touching the hair.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 6:55 am

amother [ Beige ] wrote:

She is not his biological daughter (this is a second marriage), hence the napkin.

[invasive questions about a real person's personal life removed]

chaya007

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 7:49 am

amother [ Black ] wrote:

Not true. There are all types. Many would.

I was just surprised that Shterny explained being dressed up as part of her creativity/fashion, rather than dressing up for the Shabbos Queen..And also that we promote dressing up at home for the husbands. Looking your best does not have to breach on modesty.

Hi thanks OP for starting this thread! I think Peter’s videos about the Chassidic communities of NY were wonderful, informative and unbiased. I watched some of his other videos about other communities too, and he just seems to be very curious and respectful and wanting to learn about other cultures. He seems like a really good guy!

Regarding the above quote, In the video Peter made a comment about modesty and the different types of clothing styles that women wear in the community. Either way, it was a beautiful episode and Shterny and everyone there really did a beautiful job showing the joys of Shabbos!

Last edited by chaya007 on Thu, Jan 14 2021, 12:26 pm; edited 1 time in total

odchai

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 8:10 am

Although I know we as frum Jews are discouraged from being too interested in materialism the reality is we are and we make excuses for it (most people in the frum world do not live like R' Schach with just a hook for his clothes on the wall). Those are all nice stories to live up to and to read to our children and important lessons to learn but who really does that? Anyway, I thought her explanation was honest and open and again it helps for the outside world to see that we are normal people with inner struggles just like other moral people. In addition I thought it was great how she says how she is successful in her real estate business and Peter talks about the homemade food on the table. More power to her! She earns her money and likes to treat herself to nice things. We all have to learn to be honest with ourselves. I think she was dressed tastefully and tzniusdik while at the same time she defers to her husband in the family. Like frum families everywhere, the husband and wife team make it work! Important to show the world this! We are not oppressed and our religion does not encourage that!

Shterny

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:04 am

My dear Jewish, Chassidish, Heimish, Orthodox, frum sisters שתח'י

I am writing this letter to you mostly in response to the thread on this group (I am a mother) regarding our extraordinary shabbes with Peter Santenello.

When Shloimy Zionce approached us to be featured in this series, we were very torn. On one hand who gets such a zechus like this to be מקדש שם שמים ברבים on such a global scale? It's not an opportunity that comes every day.

On the other hand we knew that if we would agree, we would be putting ourselves once again in the limelight for lots of people to "judge".

After contemplating for a while, speaking with Rabbunim and mashpiim- we agreed that the kiddish hashem was simply too important to us and that we wouldn't pay attention to the negativity that may come along with the experience.

I must tell you all that now that this episode has aired, Eli, I and our family, feels overwhelming thankful and humbled to have been part of this.

Everything we thought it would accomplish- It did and so much more!!!

We still pinch ourselves and ask ourselves how we got lucky enough to be chosen to have this most awesome זכות and achrayis.

Our main goal for agreeing to be filmed was with all the negative media about the chassidish community recently, this was a way to show the world the positive side to us, the truth, the things the media will never show.

Another reason we chose to go ahead, was because when we got married (yes we are a second marriage) we agreed to always have a warm open home, and make it our priority to give back to the community that has given us so much! And what a better time then now?

The final reason was we try to lead by example with our children and show them that whats right is right. Eventhough sometimes its not the most popular thing to do. Eventhough sometimes doing the right thing will lead to people talking or judging- none of that matters. The only thing that matters is that we do what Hashem wants from us! We as parents felt that this was another good lesson for our family.

Now that you understand the background, I want to address some of the comments on this group specifically.

Firstly thank you to each of you who posted such heartwarming and encouring words. I read each of them, and was even emotional knowing that this 30 min clip had an impact even in the heimshe world.

I am not going to comment on each detail that was spoken about here.

My clothes, the length of my sheitel, my choice of food, the actions of my children....

BUT there are a few things I want to address.

Please keep in mind that what you saw was a 30 min clip of a 5 hour video which I did not get to edit (there was lots דברי תורה said at the table, and way more singing and meaningful conversations that you were not privy too)

With that being said I will talk in detail about two things.

1) My place at the table.

If it were up to my husband, I would sit next to him always. Every shabbes. Why? Because he believes and treats me as his equal. Because a TRUE king can sit with his Queen at the head and not feel inferior. We are a team!

I hope that each of you are in such a marriage where your respective husband's see you as their partner, as their team mate and as their Queen. THAT is yiddishkeit!!!

2) Our housekeeper kissing my babies.

We bh have 2 babies under 2 (amongst bh quite a few other children)

We are so blessed to have a housekeeper who absolutely adores our children. She cares for them as her own. I know that when I need to be out of our home, they are in the best hands. She has so much respect for us and our yiddishkeit. Why would I stop her from kissing my children? She is Hashems creation, she is human. And I would not be able to do any of the kllal work that I do with out her.

I hope this provides some clarity.

Before I wrote this letter, many people told me ... ignore the people who are judging you, they don't matter. The thing is that YOU do matter. We are sisters, and we need to have each other's back. We need to look out for eachother.

We have the whole world to judge us, we dont need to judge eachother.

The strength of us women is a powerful. More powerful then anything else. We have the ability to mold our homes, and be examples to our children and to the world of what it means to see the positive, because seeing the postive brings about so much light into the world and into our lives. As I speak to you I am really speaking to myself because THIS is the greatest lesson I have taken away from all of this.

Let's tap into our power as frum women, mothers and wives. Lets make a pact to love more and judge less.

גוט שבת

Humbly,

Shterny Steinmetz

109

amother

Azure

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:09 am

You are incredible, Shterny.

I have no words.

You had a tremendous zechus and you rose to the challenge. It could not have been easy. I admire and respect you for that. The chassidish community and the Jewish community at large owe you a LOT for being part of this kiddush hashem. We are the ones that will benefit when the greater world sees us as more nuanced then the black and white the media would like to portray us.

Much nachas from your beautiful family.

amother

Silver

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:15 am

We love you Shterny
May Hashem bentch you with revealed brochos ad bli dai.
You spread so much light in your own unique way.

amother

Honeydew

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:20 am

Since I posted previously on this thread I'll respond to you as well. Your shabbos seudah was Beautiful and a huge kiddush hashem . I was amazed how warm and welcome your family is. Thanks for being brave to go on camera and come up here as well.

amother

Lilac

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:20 am

Shterny you wrote a really great reply. You seem like an amazing women!!!

Im not excusing any comments, ( I actually only read a couple and chanced upon yours) but please keep in mind when reading the comments on imamother, that it is very easy to access and to remain anonymous . The comments can be coming from ANYONE who chooses to comment for WHATEVER reason. I always keep that in mind when reading responses. There are many many trolls.

mochamix18

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:24 am

Shterny you are a class act. You had all my respect before and you have it now. I think we could all learn a lot from this response.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:28 am

Oh wow! So amazing that you are on here and wrote this letter.
I am married to someone who has children from a previous marriage and we have our own children too ... what can I say? Dynamics can be difficult sometimes to invite outsiders in and observe and yes, there are so many curious people out there. I’m giving you credit for opening your house to the whole world (!) despite the family dynamics.
It’s inspiring that you seem so positive. Being a positive person leaves a beautiful impression on people. Don’t worry about the judgmental people.
Everyone’s kids will play, get silly, be overtired on a late Friday night. Whoever is judging you just doesn’t know what “normal“ is in a family that has different age brackets and guests in the home.
I was imagining you going into your room at the end of the long night of being on camera and breathing a sigh of relief. I was almost waiting for it to be over because my feet were hurting for you with your heels all night and my headache was coming on ... 5 hours?!! Wow! I don’t know how you did it!! Plus all the preparation that wasn’t on camera!
Thank you for taking the time to write up a letter for this thread. It adds so much because now we get to see how real and how good you are.

amother

Cobalt

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:33 am

amother [ Lilac ] wrote:

And so many bored (and bitter) people too!

People are jealous of the big and nice house, of the housekeeper, of having nice clothing and wig...
That’s where the judgment comes from...

I have a big house that my friends comment on and poke fun of all the time. Guess what? It’s big because we are a blended family. Still jealous?

honeymoon

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:37 am

Shternie, you are one awesome woman and have a beautiful family. The effects of this wonderful video are far reaching both in the Heimish world and in the broader secular world. You have a huge zechus. (And would you please share that scrumptious pecan pie recipe? Very Happy

)

amother

Violet

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 10:41 am

amother [ Cobalt ] wrote:

I'm not jealous of you. I'm envious. I'm divorced, and am waiting for my zivug sheini to come along. If that will mean I will have a blended family, challenging or not, I look forward to it.

doctorima

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 11:03 am

I haven't posted yet on this thread, but I just wanted to say kol hakavod to Shterny and her family for consulting your Rabbinical advisors regarding this unique opportunity and for being a class act and role model in how to respond to the inevitable detractors.

The negativity and nitty-gritty analysis of so many trivial minutiae on this thread brings to mind this poem (which I did not write) with a universal message that I think we should all strive to keep in mind in our daily interactions with others, and certainly when we post here.

Moshiach’s Hat

‘t was the night of the Geulah, and in every single shtiebel
Sounds of Torah could be heard coming from every kind of Yeedel.
This one in English, some in Hebrew, some in Yiddish,
Some saying p’shat, and some saying a chiddush.
And up in shomayim, the Aibishter decreed
The time has come for my children to be freed.
“Rouse the Moshiach from his heavenly berth.
Have him get in his chariot, and head down to Earth.”
The Moshiach got dressed, and with a heart full of glee,
Went down to Earth and entered the first shtiebel he did see.
“I am the Moshiach! Hashem has heard your plea!
Your Geulah has come; it’s time to go free!”
They all stopped their learning; this was quite a surprise.
And they looked at him closely with piercing sharp eyes.
“He’s not the Moshiach,” said one with a grin,
“Just look at his hat, at the pinches and brim!”
“That’s right,” cried another, with a grimace and frown,
“Whoever heard of Moshiach with a brim that’s turned down?”
“Well,” thought Moshiach, “If this is the rule,
I’ll turn my brim up before I go to the next shul.”
So he walked right on over to the next shul in town,
Sure to be accepted, since his brim was no longer down.
“I’m the Moshiach,” he cried as he began to enter,
But the Jews wanted to know first if he was left, right, or center.
“Your clothes are so black,” they cried out in fright,
“You can’t be Moshiach; you’re much too far right!
If you want to be Moshiach, you must be properly outfitted,”
So they replaced his black hat with a kippah that was knitted.
Wearing his new kippah, Moshiach went out and said:
“No difference to me what I wear on my head.”
So he went to the next shul, for his mission was dear,
But he was getting frustrated with the Yidden down here.
“I’m the Moshiach!” he cried, and they all stopped to stare,
And a complete eerie stillness filled up the air.
“You’re the Moshiach!? Just imagine that!
Whoever heard of Moshiach without a black hat?”
“But I do have a hat!” the Moshiach then said,
So he pulled it right out, and plunked it down on his head.
Then the shul started laughing, and one said, “Where’s your kop?
You can’t have Moshiach with a brim that’s turned up!
If you want to be Moshiach and be accepted in this town,
Put some pinches in your hat, and turn that brim down!”
Moshiach walked out and said: “I guess my time hasn’t come.
I’ll just return to where I came from.”
So he went to his chariot, but as he began to enter,
All sorts of Jews appeared from the left, right, and center.
“Please wait, do not leave. It’s all their fault!” they said,
And they pointed to each other, and to what was on each other’s head.
Moshiach just looked sad, and said, “You don’t understand,”
And then started up his chariot to get out of this land.
“Yes, it’s very wonderful that you all learn Torah,
But you seem to have forgotten a crucial part of our Mesorah.”
“What does he mean? What’s he talking about?”
And they all looked bewildered, and they all began to shout.
Moshiach looked back and answered, “The first place to start
Is to close up your mouths, and open up your hearts.
To each of you certain Yidden seem too frum or too frei,
But all Yidden are beloved in the Aibishter’s eye.”
And on his way up he shouted, “If you want me to come,
Try working a little harder on some Ahavas Chinam!”

Chickensoupprof

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 11:07 am

Maybe I this question already has popped up,
I’m watching it now and I’m wondering why the women light when it’s already dark outside? When I light it’s still light outside not this dark

amother

Dodgerblue

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 11:21 am

Dear Shterny,
Just to reiterate what the majority of posters here already said, you are truly a wonderful person! Your husband and family seems amazing, and your seudah (from what we got to view) was beautiful and lovely.

Thank you for doing what you did and for creating such a tremendous kiddush hashem. From the comments on youtube, you can well see how positively it has been received by so so many. And thats just the tip of the iceberg.
You make me proud to be a part of klal yisroel and a fellow chassidish woman.

May hashem bentch you with continued mazel and bracha and may you always be able to be on the giving end.
P.s
You have two babies under two? You look amazing, girl!

amother

Cyan

Thu, Jan 14 2021, 11:25 am

oh Shterny, you are lucky to have a husband who respects you and treats you as his queen!