Are lace top wigs halachically ok?

Cheiny

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 5:48 pm

LakewoodMom2 wrote:

I recently was in the same dilemma. I was shopping around for a new wig and fell in love with a lace top wig. Because so many people these days wear it, and I knew how bad the wig shortage was, I just gave the shaitel macher a deposit and took it home.
However, the concept of a lace top wig was weighing on me heavily, due to all the noise against it so I called my LOR, who is a considered a prominent Lakewood Rabbi.

His answer: L'halacha, as long as the lace top is fully lined, its the same as any other wig.
Hashkafically, it goes against the whole reasoning of covering your hair to begin with. And being that now, lace tops are still so new, he thinks its wrong on my part to be a "trendsetter" for this idea.
He also told me a chazal that says that hair covering is a crazy segula for having good children.

I decided to be strong about it and not get it.

Now I have been struggling a lot for the last few years with secondary infertility and ectopic pregnancies.

Literally a week after I decided to be strong and give back the wig I loved so much, to mine and my doctor's utter shock, I found out I was pregnant.

Im not someone whos into cheesy hashgacha pratis stories or segulos, but to me this was a clear cut message.

So yes, you can argue technically if whether or not lace top is halachically ok, or not.
But what is more valuable to you - a slightly nicer wig or good children?

Kol hakavod! I’m so happy for you, b’shaah tova.

amother

Rose

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 6:00 pm

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. Would be nice if it did but things don’t go this way.
The best we can do is treat people the way we want to be treated. That’s probably the best segulah.

Where does treating people the way they want to come in here?
It's a segula wether you agree with it or not. A segula doesn't mean that it always works.

amother

Sienna

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 7:13 pm

A few points...
1. I was at a mixed party recently and my husband was shocked that some of the women were married since they didn’t look like they were covering their hair
2. I not so long ago got a letter from my HS principal
That Rebbetzin Kolodetsky came out very strongly against lace tops and lace fronts.
3. I personally do not think they’re reflective of what a frum woman is. Forgive me for coming across strong but I can’t imagine the gadol hadors wife wearing a lace front or top... I honestly think that one of the main reasons we cover our hair is to show that we are married and taken. I would not want any man to question my status as a married woman and not any woman either.
Ok, throw the tomatoes Wink

amother

Rose

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 7:23 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

Its not distasteful after you, amother rose, made a blanket statement that it doesn't cover, just because your rabbi holds that way.

Please quote my post where I made a blanket statement that a lace front wig doesn't cover, I'm not aware of such a post.
Some posters think that because they don't hold of a certain p'sak they have right to mock it.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 7:30 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

I love when people say they get letters or they "hear" from the gedolim without showing proof. Coudl you please upload this letter?

My rav allows me to wear my shoulder length lace front sheital. I very much look like a frum woman

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Jan 11 2021, 7:48 pm

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

In response to amother khaki who wrote

amother [ khaki] wrote:

But the purpose of a wig is to cover hair. If it's not your hair, you're good. And if your wig looks like it's growing out of your head, how lucky are you.

You wrote:

amother [ Rose ] wrote:

The purpose of a wig is to cover our hair & that we should look like an eishes ish-married women.
.

Jewishmom8

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:10 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Absolutely ridiculous to equate good children with a wig. Are you really going to tell me that all shaitel-wearing women have wonderful good children? Give me a break. Plenty have very difficult situations. And many women who wear lace fronts or falls with hair out have wonderful children.

The idea of having sechar for misiras hanefesh for a mitzvah is very powerful.
That is real and for all mitzvos not just tznius.
It isn't ridiculous its beautiful.

amother

Denim

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:13 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Why not? I would never want to look wiggy. The obvious looking shaitels are very aging.
I do own lace tops. But I usually wear falls with blending my own hair on top and the sides out. This looks natural, youthful. No need to make it obvious.
I would never ask a rav about something like this. He’s not wearing it.

So you can never ask a rav about anything you do because its not him who is doing it?

naturalmom5

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:22 am

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

Not really nice to mock or lessen the concerns of peoples stringencies or minhagim and real personal yeshuos.

Its a lot worse than not nice to quote and opine things without showing solid sources
In fact its against the basic tenants of the

JEWISH RELIGION

amother

Bisque

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:35 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

Its a lot worse than not nice to quote and opine things without showing solid sources
In fact its against the basic tenants of the

JEWISH RELIGION

Which basic tenet of the Jewish religion states that one must not opine without showing a solid source? I would assume you have solid source for this.

Rappel

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:37 am

Hashem_n_Farfel wrote:

Not really nice to mock or lessen the concerns of peoples stringencies or minhagim and real personal yeshuos.

Agreed. It's not about the action, it's about each woman's personal test and point of bechirah.

C'mon guys. This is a site for ladies, not cats.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:46 am

amother [ Bisque ] wrote:

Which basic tenet of the Jewish religion states that one must not opine without showing a solid source? I would assume you have solid source for this.

The problem is that people are throwing around the word "assur" when there isn't a real halachic basis for saying that it's assur.

There are halachic opinions that say all wigs are assur because they look like hair, that's one thing. Broadly speaking among Ashkenazim wigs are not considered assur on the basis that they look like hair and aren't a clear covering. Differentiating between one wig and another wig is already a stretch and there is no basis for it regardless in gemara and poskim. Regardless of what you think of it, there are valid halachic opinions that say braiding the hair is enough for a married woman. I don't hold that way but the existence of such an opinion underlines that saying one wig is okay and another is not lacks halachic basis.

You can say it's not your minhag to wear a lace top wig, that your minhag is that lace top wigs should not be worn. But to say that it's assur is a stretch and pretty much has no basis in halacha.

BTW I'm wondering how many of you know what hilchos tznius in the SA actually deals with, and how many think/ thought it's a legitimate source of info for how to dress. Hiding

amother

Taupe

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:53 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

I almost choked on my coffee. Coffee

In Europe many wives of gedolei hador didn't cover their hair at all.
Also Rav Shach's wife did not cover her hair at all (DH has eyewitnesses to that), Rav Elyashiv's wife only wore her head covering when she was out, at home she kept it on the door handle.
Those were the days, hair covering was not popular so yeshiva bochurim married who they found and some women were happy to support husbands who became gedolei hador but didn't necessarily cover their hair. The Lubavitcher Rebbetzin wore a hat with hair showing.
So yes I could see the wife of a gadol hador wearing a lace top or front, it's not outrageous at all.

amother

Royalblue

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:53 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

.. I honestly think that one of the main reasons we cover our hair is to show that we are married and taken. I would not want any man to question my status as a married woman and not any woman either.
Ok, throw the tomatoes Wink

A wedding ring shows that a woman is married and taken, if that is important - and it's much more obvious than a wig, which one needs to look at closely to decide if it's real or not.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Jan 12 2021, 1:56 am

amother [ Brown ] wrote:

Not every woman who goes to mikva in her 9th month has an easy labor and many women who don't go to mikva in their 9th month do have easy labors, does that mean it's not a segula? A segula doesn't promise results, but sometimes it helps. Doesn't mean you have to make fun of it, a little respect for segulot and the words of our leaders is always good. If the Rebbe said that wearing a wig is a segula for good children then it obviously helps some (btw there is basis for that in kabala).