Please help me be a better mother when I’m exhausted

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Tue, Feb 02 2021, 11:58 pm

amother [ Mustard ] wrote:

Melatonin really did the trick for me BH. I give it to two children, a minimal amount (chapter one gummies from Amazon, cut into 8ths), and discussed it with two pediatricians, both said it's totally fine. I wouldn't mind weaning them off of it now and I skip it every so often to check. One will fall asleep without it, one still won't.

What do you mean by cut into 8ths? And what made you chose this brand? It looks more expensive then other brands. Is it better quality?

amother

Seagreen

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:20 am

Even though many give melatonin regularly, I personally found A. They become dependant on it. B. They sometimes wake up in middle of night after initially falling sleep. Or they sleep so deep, it makes them more prone to bedwet.

I ONLY use it when I need to get them back unto track, like after Yomtov. 1-2 days only. I have a bottle and its lasting forever, bc I use it so sparingly.

Just MHO and my observation.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:27 am

How about no bedtime at all? Let them sleep whenever that is, try it, they might end up creating their own routine this way.

amother

Slateblue

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is it safe to give every night?

No. You should consult with your pediatrician.

Tof Umachol

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:44 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I wish!!! We don’t have any more bedrooms since baby was born! Was much easier when they each had their own room!! Sad

Can you put the baby with the six year old and the four year old by herself?

amother

Ivory

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 3:36 am

My 12 year old takes melatonin every night. I have 500 mg pills from Trader Joes and I cut those in half, so it's only 250. He's a big kid and it works for him, so definitely cut the pills in half (or quarters or eighths).

imaima

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 3:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

The problem is getting my 4 year old to stay in bed before 9:30 so no, I cannot put baby in after them.

Put her in the living room with a quiet occupation, while the 6 y o goes to sleep.

You need to separate them and stagger bed times.

imaima

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 3:58 am

Also, the 4 y o may need more physical activity during the day. Look for ways to get her more tired take her out for an extra walk etc.

banana123

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 5:12 am

Can 4yo fall asleep in your arms? I promise she won't do it forever. 6yo is probably already too big for it to be comfortable for her.

Do a short bedtime routine - pajamas, brush teeth, read a book. Then let 6yo read or play quietly while 4yo falls asleep in your arms. Put 4yo in bed. Then put 6yo in bed, sit with her for a few minutes, rub her back.

Try to make it so that your baby is either sleeping while you do bedtime with the others, or just ate and is happy to play. Baby can also snuggle in a sling while 6yo goes to sleep.

abc 123

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 5:48 am

You are a good mother. Many mother's lose it . You are
just overwhelmedd and exhausted. You are not abusive.

For me it helps to turn off all the lights in the house except a nightlight . And go into my bedroom and lock my door till children go to sleep. Personally I find the children settle faster if I ignore them and their attention seeking behaviour . And turn off lights to turn off stimulation. . If the children turn back on lights you can switch off all lights except nightlight on your electric switchboard.

When my children were younger age 5, 3 and baby we would all fall asleep together in my bed. Then I would get up and put kids in their beds and clean up.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 5:58 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Which melatonin gummies are kosher?

'

Gummies don't give a reliable amount, depending on digestion.

https://il.iherb.com/pr/NutraL.....70968

This is what you want. 1mg can be broken in half, kosher, made for children.

DD had me in TEARS on a near daily basis when she was 4. I can't even tell you how many times I questioned my sanity, my ability to parent, and what I was going to do next. She wouldn't eat anything I made, she wouldn't sleep, she was making me crazy!

I can't help you with the picky eating phase, but the melatonin did wonders. Her pediatrician said that 1/2 mg is not enough to make a problem for long term, because her body was not creating enough melatonin on it's own. We took breaks from it on weekends and holidays, and didn't use it during the summer. It was just to keep her on school schedule.

When she felt that she was getting overtired and it was close to bedtime, she would come to me and ask for it! She felt so much better when she could fall asleep easily. She used it for a couple of years, but eventually weaned herself off.

Another thing to think about. Take your older kids to an ENT, and have their tonsils checked. They may be harboring "silent strep", and getting tonsils out can make a world of difference. Once DD had her tonsils out she became the sweetest, most cheerful child you could ever meet. It was like someone gave me my child back! It was actually around that time that she started tapering off on her melatonin, so I think that they may have been somewhat related.

FranticFrummie

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 6:07 am

One more thing. When the weather is not conducive to going outside, there is a way to get them exercise even in a tiny apartment.

Find someone who is giving away a crib mattress. Let the girls jump on it to their heart's content. See if they can count to 100. Put on music. Have them hold hands and do a jumping dance. DD could do this for hours, and it really helped a lot. It's also way safer than a trampoline, and when you're ready to put it away just slide it behind your sofa, or under a bed. It also makes a great guest spot for a sleepover or cousin's visit.

Do the girls have tall rain boots? Take them out for a walk in the rain, and let them puddle stomp to their heart's content. This was a huge treat for DD, and I could get her to finish her lunch if she knew that she could go play in the puddles later. (Take your camera, you will get adorable pictures.)

amother

Linen

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 6:48 am

I am worried about your title. It's pretty extreme to say that you are the worst mother and you hate yourself because of this. Time to calm down and realize that this totally normal.

amother

Purple

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 8:55 am

You need to give a choice. Go to bed nicely or, cobsequence that stings. Give consequence and stick to it. Without anger. Do it twice, and kuds have no incentive to misbehave. Best part, you feel good about your parenting.

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 8:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Thank you for such practical advice. I def need to look into this. Where do you get it from? Need prescription?

It's over the counter. A vitamin supplement. Buy the 1 mg chewable pills and cut them in half, or buy the liquid drops and measure out the drops into mouth.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/prod.....e230a

amother

Dodgerblue

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 9:06 am

amother [ Ivory ] wrote:

500mg?? I hope that's a typo. Half a 1mg (milligrams) pill is 500 micrograms.

tichellady

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 10:06 am

Please don’t Medicate your children without speaking to their doctor first.

imaima

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 10:08 am

Can you describe ehat you are doing now so we could see where the problem lies?

amother

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 10:15 am

amother [ Linen ] wrote:

I am worried about your title. It's pretty extreme to say that you are the worst mother and you hate yourself because of this. Time to calm down and realize that this totally normal.

I changed it because I realize it soikdd extreme- but I seriously felt terrible about myself last night and wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. Was just being honest and venting about how I felt after not handling the situation better. My kids have been home all last week for yeshiva break and then another 2 days because of snow days and I had to work from home and navigate all that with my husband who’s also working from home and I was exhausted and depleted.

Good Friend

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 10:29 am

Looks like you got lots of ideas to try out.
Just a tip that I got from a sleep coach for my 3 year old that might help your 4 year old because you said he tries everything to push off going to sleep- every night I give her 3 coins (I use toy coins but can be anything). Once we say shema and she's in her bed if she wants anything she has to pay with a coin. For example a drink of water, a story, a hug, to switch to different pajamas (I don't know what your son's tactics are but these are my daughter's typical ones). As long as she pays she gets it, but when the 3 coins are finished the answer is no (unless she needs the bathroom, that's allowed). It seems to be working for her. She usually uses all 3 coins (usually for the same story 3 times lol) and then she settles down and lays quietly till she falls asleep, recognizing that that's what she needs to do now and there are no other choices. Hatzlacha! I can definitely relate to the frustration, our bedtimes were a disaster until recently when we hired a sleep coach and boruch Hashem things have gotten a lot better.

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