What do you do with "baby curses"?

Rappel

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:37 pm

I've asked around, and it seems that calling someone a בטטה מרוסקת ("mashed sweet potato") is the age-old "curse" of everyone aged 3-5 in Itamar. טאטא for short.

I've been letting this phrase slide between DS and DD, even though I knew that it was being used in a somewhat insulting way, because it seemed so silly.

But now that I know that it has a broader social context, should I address it as a "bad word," or leave it as a permitted, if rather low-hanging, fruit?

Last edited by Rappel on Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Floralwhite

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:42 pm

What do you do about name calling in general?

My ds came home from playgroup with a nonsense word (dada) that was apparently somehow a bad word among his peers. I generally chide my kids any time they call each other names, and I didn't elevate this above other name calling. Just "we don't call names" or "we don't talk that way".

agreer

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:50 pm

OMG that's so adorable and innocent. Love Israeli children!!!

That being said, I feel like it's like my 4 yo calling everyone/everything he doesn't like "crazy". It's not really a curse word. It helps him express his displeasure. And he's four.

I'd let it go.

MiriFr

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:50 pm

I don’t allow name calling at all.
This just happened last week-
4 year old: “Mommy you’re stupid!”
Me: “Well, that’s not a very nice word. Did someone say that word in school?”
4yo: “yeah [___] said it!”
Me: “I don’t appreciate being called not nice names. Are you upset at me?”
4yo: “no it’s just a silly word”
Me: “it’s not a very nice word to call people. Can we try to think of a different word instead? Like ‘mommy I feel so silly’ ? Let’s try that together and let’s do a silly dance.”
I don’t like to ignore it because then it can get confusing. Like last week I let him say it, but this week I don’t?

Or when he called me stupid last night because he was upset at me.
4yo: “mommy you’re stupid!”
Me: “oh man you look really upset at me.”
4yo: “I’m so mad because you didn’t xyz and you’re a stupid mommy”
Me: “yeah that’s pretty upsetting that I didn’t xyz and you didn’t get to abc. I would also be mad.”
4yo: “I am!”
Me: “I see that. Instead of calling me a bad name, can we try to think of a nicer way to tell mommy that you’re mad? I really don’t allow mean names.”
Rinse and repeat as needed. It works for my kid, but I get that every kid is different. I’m pretty strict about it, though.

Rappel

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 12:58 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Under a certain age I would ignore. Is this similar to my 4 year old calling everyone a dirty diaper when she is upset? Or Stupid head? If it's age 8 or up then I would address it.

Age 4. Everyone says it in gan, generally with a giggle on both sides, and it spilled over into the home.

I don't let hurtful words go unchecked in my home, but this one is definitely a "give it is own meaning" type of thing. So DS thinks he's saying a bad/angry word, and DD thinks it's a funny word.

I'm afraid that if I make too big a deal of it it will just blow it out of proportion, especially since I've been ignorant of its actual meaning until now, and we've all survived somehow. So I'm considering continuing my "ignorance."

Rappel

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:00 pm

agreer wrote:

Exactly like LOL

I guess it's an age thing? A boy thing? This one is my eldest, so I'm never sure what I'm dealing with.

Shuly

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:01 pm

My Israeli kids say: "Na na banana, shokolad batata"

I usually ignore. If the person getting taunted is getting upset, I say something like, yum I would love to try chocolate sweet potato! X (person they are taunting) must be so yummy!

My older kids have all outgrown saying it, with no harmful side effects.

keym

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:02 pm

My 4 year old learned sarcasm from his 13 year old brother.
This morning when I dropped something, he said "Mommy you're such a genius".
I didn't know how to respond to that. I mean that isn't even name calling, it's context.

amother

Babypink

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:07 pm

keym wrote:

That's hysterical. I would just kiss him/her up.

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:12 pm

keym wrote:

That's adorable! (And a little scary...) Like how do you teach a kid that sarcasm is wrong?

keym

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:15 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

That's adorable! (And a little scary...) Like how do you teach a kid that sarcasm is wrong?

Yeah. That's my issue. Words like genius, gorgeous, smart, etc can be really positive or really negative.
Starting to teach meaning and context to a 4 year old who's already mad because I said no more cookies and no more screen feels very daunting.

Shuly

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:17 pm

keym wrote:

I would smile and say - thank you for the compliment! I think you're pretty smart too!

amother

Magenta

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:20 pm

Shuly wrote:

I would smile and say - thank you for the compliment! I think you're pretty smart too!

I like this actually! I'm picturing how this would go:
4: "You're such a genius"
Keym: Thank you! I think you're also very smart
4: (confused) No I really meant you're not smart
Keym: Oh! So why did you say that I'm a genius then?
4: because...because... I really meant not
Keym: So then why didn't you say that I'm not a genius?
4:
Or is this too mean? Idk, my kids aren't quite there yet

Crookshanks

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:28 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

Hysterical...it works better with older kids though.

MiriFr

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:31 pm

amother [ Magenta ] wrote:

This would work perfectly with my 4yo! He’d probably crack up. He hasn’t mastered sarcasm yet, though.

keym

Wed, Feb 03 2021, 1:32 pm

[quote="amother [ Magenta ]"]I like this actually! I'm picturing how this would go:
4: "You're such a genius"
Keym: Thank you! I think you're also very smart
4: (confused) No I really meant you're not smart
Keym: Oh! So why did you say that I'm a genius then?
4: because...because... I really meant not
Keym: So then why didn't you say that I'm not a genius?
4:
Or is this too mean? Idk, my kids aren't quite there yet[/quote

It would be too much for him.
Baiting him. He would end up melting down and hitting and tantrumming.