Hotel care package for chassan kallah

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 8:11 pm

real wrote:

I agree I find this very weird. If I was the kallah I would be grossed out if my parents or In laws gave me this. A hotel is a private personal place.

Why gross? And how/why is a hotel a private and personal space? They're staying there for shabbos for God's sake! It's such a nice thing to leave a care package for the couple.

amother

Lawngreen

Wed, Feb 10 2021, 8:13 pm

I'd put
Soap
Shampoo
Mouthwash
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Rain bonnet or poncho
Reading material
Siddur
Snacks
Drinks
Whole fruit
Coffee
Sugar
Milk & yogurt in fridge
Maybe some pastries and granola bars

watergirl

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 12:22 am

real wrote:

I agree I find this very weird. If I was the kallah I would be grossed out if my parents or In laws gave me this. A hotel is a private personal place.

Its gross to send snacks and toothpaste? Why? She isn’t including KY (I assume).

OP, this sounds very nice.

If they will be there for shabbos, send a shabbos lamp or two. Collapsible sheitel head is never a bad idea. Fresh fruit, some dry fruit and nuts, chocolate, send your son’s favorite snack and see if he knows the kallah’s favorite (if not, he should ask asap!) and include that also.

abound

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:36 am

if its a 20 minute walk and you can provide then give them a small room in your house that they can freshen up. (She can leave her heels and walk in sneakers, or/and leave her wig and walk in a snood in case of bad weather)
they can rest up between day meal and seudat shlishit. etc.

flower2

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 4:11 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Maybe it’s minhag?

During sheva brachos you don’t go out without a shomer (which autocorrects to shower 😂 😂 😂)

That’s what we keep. I don’t know what anyone else does.

The chasan and Kalla are a shomer for each other an can run any needed errands together...
I still think it's nice u want to make them a basket- toothbrushes and travel size toothpaste/mouthwash, some danishes, water, etc... I wouldn't do anything too personal though

amother

Amethyst

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 4:56 am

There are different minhogim surrounding shomer. It sounds like the op's minhag is that the couple needs an additional shomer wherever they go. Like a kind and queen go with someone accompanying them as a sign of honor.

Op, it such a very sweet idea. I'd make sure there is a full breakfast, maybe milk to go with the cereal. Some mezonos. Fruit and snacks if they will be spending the afternoon in the hotel. I think you can assume they will pack all their necessities, and if they do forget something, you are close by and they can ask you for it.

amother

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 6:16 am

abound wrote:

This is a good point. We won't have an extra bedroom but her family will be staying with us for Shabbos so I guess she could use her mother's room to rest or freshen up.

Now I'm starting to worry what will happen if it rains Friday night. I hadn't thought about that.

DrMom

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 6:50 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m the mother of the chassan. We’re OOT and hosting shabbos sheva brachos.

I just want them to feel comfortable and taken care of.

Keep in mind chassan kallah aren’t supposed to be running to the drug store themselves if they need something. And I don’t expect them to remember to pack every detail of what they might need during sheva brachos.

I know I always forget toothbrushes when we travel and hotels don’t provide generally.

Great ideas ladies! Thanks!

Why not? I mean, it's nice to send them some little goodies, but they are not hostages in their hotel room; presumably, they are going outdoors, and they can run out and pick up something if they forgot to pack it.

A small package with a few things is a cute idea, but some of these long lists are insane.

Crookshanks

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 8:09 am

DrMom wrote:

Strong language, no?

amother

Indigo

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 8:42 am

You sound very sweet and caring.

When I got married I remember packing everything myself for the hotel. My mother was very busy with lots of wedding details and out of town guests...but I was pretty independent and can't imagine needing her to do it for me.

Just liked I packed my own clothes I also packed toiletries...

Other things I brought were: negel vasser set and all whole bunch of things for breakfast (muffins, oatmeal cookies, granola bars, milk, cereal, fruit, bowls, spoons, plates etc...)

Mazel tov. Enjoy your simcha!

amother

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 8:47 am

Quote:

A small package with a few things is a cute idea, but some of these long lists are insane.

I asked for a list of suggestions and that's what people gave.

Obviously out of a long list I'm not going to pack everything. I'm going to choose what I think is most necessary and practical.

I realize it's not everyone's thing. To each their own.

Crookshanks

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:03 am

When I got married we didn't have time to go grocery shopping for three days... We ate supper at sheva brachos but some of them started late and we were constantly starving! Breakfast and lunch food is super important!

SixOfWands

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:26 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m not getting the grossed out part.

Explain?

Not the poster, obviously.

But to me, the period immediately following a wedding, particularly the time at a hotel, is a period in which a couple explores intimacy, both physical and emotional. The idea of parents sending any packages, which can be viewed as intruding or at least participating in these moments, feels very wrong to me.

I'm guessing that differs in different communities, based on the comments here.

As an aside, is there a minhag that couples eat breakfast and lunch in their hotel rooms, without going out, during the first week of marriage? I can't imagine that.

amother

Thu, Feb 11 2021, 9:47 am

SixOfWands wrote:

I don't know what everyone does. When I got married, we were picked up from the hotel by my parents in the morning where a full breakfast was waiting for us. But just in case the couple isn't quite ready or are hungry earlier etc. it's nice to have something in the hotel room. I'm thinking Shabbos morning when they have a long walk and may not want to leave at 8 a.m.

Nobody is suggesting s-x manuals or lube or anything involved with intimacy so I don't really get the grossed out part.

I mean, I'm also booking and paying for the room for them. Is that also gross and intrusive?