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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
How many guests at your son's Bar Mitzvah? (Including your family)
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| over 200 |
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2% |
[ 1 ] |
| 160-200 |
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6% |
[ 3 ] |
| 140-159 |
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13% |
[ 6 ] |
| 100-139 |
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28% |
[ 13 ] |
| Under 100 |
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48% |
[ 22 ] |
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| Total Votes : 45 |
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:07 pm
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I am making a Bar Mitzvah for my son and I was wondering if we have way too many guests. So this poll is my way of figuring out whether I should be cutting my guest list.
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 0
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amother
Sapphire
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:09 pm
20-25 couples for the meal. Friends and acquaintances came later just to give mazal tov.
Every community has different norms and standards though.
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3
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amother
Crimson
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:09 pm
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You may have a much larger or smaller family than someone else. Maybe you're extremely social. Do whatever is right for you.
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5
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amother
Maroon
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:17 pm
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0
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amother
Royalblue
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 6:00 pm
| amother [ Crimson ] wrote: | | You may have a much larger or smaller family than someone else. Maybe you're extremely social. Do whatever is right for you. |
What she said.
We invited everyone we knew from shul
But our whole shul had maybe 70 active members. We didn't like them all, but you can't invite "most". It has to be either "all" or "a few".
The dinner was on Shabbos and we live in a densely populated urban area where people have apartments, not houses, so lodging guests was not doable. That meant that it was only people who lived walking distance from shul.
Our close friends live mostly elsewhere. If we invited just close friends and family who lived nearby we'd have had hardly anyone there. As it was we barely made it to 100 people.
in contrast, I have a relative whose kids and grandkids alone number over 100, and the number is always growing like the national debt. Ken yirbu, but you can't compare a simcha on our side and a simcha on her side. We're not even in the same ballpark.
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2
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amother
Gold
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 6:01 pm
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Pre or post /now covid? Big difference
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7
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amother
Aquamarine
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 6:05 pm
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It’s really going to depend how much you want to spend...
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3
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amother
Amber
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 6:10 pm
We didn't make a night event.
All our relatives are from oot and were coming for shabbos anyway to hear him lein so we made a kiddush for friends and neighbors and shabbos seudas for relatives. About 40 ppl.
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3
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s c
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Thu, Feb 11 2021, 7:02 pm
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Last two barmitzvahs, we made dinners for around 200 people. I have just made a covid barmitzvah and we were happy that my son could invite a handful of friends to shul for leining. No kiddish just a walk by for the boys and small family Friday night seudah in our house. And BH it was still very joyous.
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amother
Burgundy
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 1:00 am
We have small families.
DS had his whole class plus some non school friends - about 40 boys.
Then we had about 30 couples which consisted of family and close friends.
This was 3 years ago, pre covid. Weeknight affair.
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tweety1
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 7:14 am
| amother [ Sapphire ] wrote: | 20-25 couples for the meal. Friends and acquaintances came later just to give mazal tov.
Every community has different norms and standards though. |
Same here.
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amother
Firebrick
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 7:21 am
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We had about 55 couples. But about 40-45 were family. Think dh and my siblings and their kids(a lot of them married)...
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amother
Burlywood
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 7:32 am
We have an extra large family on one side and a small family on the other side. We had to draw the line and not invite the bm boys married cousins. I think some people might have felt bad but we didn’t feel it was right not to invite close neighbors and friends.
Every situation is different. You can’t follow someone else’s rule.
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amother
OP
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 8:02 am
I am surprised at the results of the poll. My guest list has about 200 people! We have a lot of relatives, and we are considering not inviting them all.
Do you invite your/dh's boss and people who daven in in dh's shul to the bar mitzvah? DH put these people on the list, but I'm beginning to think we should remove them.
We have 150 relatives on the list and 50 friends. That includes the bar mitzvah boy's friends. Luckily, his class is very small.
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amother
Seashell
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 8:11 am
My husband is one of 7, and 3 of those have 10+ kids, so that’s 50+ right there (a few are babies, and some are boys away in yeshiva.) Then we have other relatives, and friends, which was another let’s say 40-60.
My family didn’t come- I have two siblings, one was in quarantine, and one was nervous to be around people.
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keym
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 8:12 am
In my community, standard is that the dinner is for family and very close friends (3-4 couples) and maybe bosses. Rebbeim and Teachers of the bar mitzvah boy are invited to the whole dinner.
Coworkers, aquaintances, neighbors, shul friends, chavrusos get invited to the Kiddush and sometimes to a dessert buffet at the seuda.
We actually make 3 invitations dinner invitation that includes a response card, dessert card, and Kiddush card, and we give out as appropriate.
Classmates are not invited to the dinner (as per school rule). They get invited to the Kiddush and in some cases the dessert.
But because it's community standard in my circles, I don't get insulted when I'm invited to dessert for my coworkers bar mitzvah, or to the neighbors Kiddush.
And the same in reverse.
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amother
Sapphire
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 8:16 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I am surprised at the results of the poll. My guest list has about 200 people! We have a lot of relatives, and we are considering not inviting them all.
Do you invite your/dh's boss and people who daven in in dh's shul to the bar mitzvah? DH put these people on the list, but I'm beginning to think we should remove them.
We have 150 relatives on the list and 50 friends. That includes the bar mitzvah boy's friends. Luckily, his class is very small. |
We don't invite married nieces/nephews. People from shul don't get invited for meal, we set up tables with lechayim, pastries, and some hot food for the people that come give mazal tov. The only kids that are invited are the friends of the bar mitzvah boy and cousins his age.
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amother
Burlywood
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 8:16 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I am surprised at the results of the poll. My guest list has about 200 people! We have a lot of relatives, and we are considering not inviting them all.
Do you invite your/dh's boss and people who daven in in dh's shul to the bar mitzvah? DH put these people on the list, but I'm beginning to think we should remove them.
We have 150 relatives on the list and 50 friends. That includes the bar mitzvah boy's friends. Luckily, his class is very small. |
It really depends what kind of affair you’re making. We wanted to use a bar mitzvah hall that could only hold up to 200 people. We didn’t want to not invite close friends so instead we didn’t invite married nieces and nephews which was probably another 75 people. We also didn’t invite dh’s and my cousins or we would have had to book a wedding hall. Since we already made other simchas that year I decided that I only wanted to invite people who actually know my son. I wanted him to feel special and only people who know who he is could do that for him. I did send dessert invitations to lots of people who I thought would probably want to participate.
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cuties' mom
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 8:46 am
| amother [ OP ] wrote: | I am surprised at the results of the poll. My guest list has about 200 people! We have a lot of relatives, and we are considering not inviting them all.
Do you invite your/dh's boss and people who daven in in dh's shul to the bar mitzvah? DH put these people on the list, but I'm beginning to think we should remove them.
We have 150 relatives on the list and 50 friends. That includes the bar mitzvah boy's friends. Luckily, his class is very small. |
We had close to 150 people in total but invited a lot more that didn't come. We only had 2 tables that weren't relatives or people from the yeshiva. We did not invite my boss or dh's boss. People from shul were only invited for Shabbos.
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amother
Pumpkin
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Fri, Feb 12 2021, 9:45 am
I voted under 100 but realize that didn't include the kiddush, which one shul mandated for a 200, or something like that.
We didn't have a big bayom mini chasuna. Living oot our friends didn't do that. Usually everything centered around the Shabbos. I didn't have so many relatives come in. We did have a Shabbos seudah for the class but even with the class, relatives, and some extra people it was under 100.
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