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Do you invite your aunts/uncles to your son's Bar Mitzvah?
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Poll

Do you invite your aunts and uncles to Bar Mitzvah?
Yes  
 93%  [ 113 ]
No  
 3%  [ 4 ]
Only some of them  
 1%  [ 2 ]
Other  
 1%  [ 2 ]
Total Votes : 121


amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:11 pm
Another poll to help me in my Bar Mitzvah guest list. Dh has tons of aunts and uncles and there is a difference of opinion about whether we are expected to invite them all.
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amother




Copper
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:12 pm
Only those that live local.
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amother




Khaki
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:14 pm
my parents always get invited to their great nephew's bar mitzvahs.
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amother




Jetblack
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:17 pm
I voted yes, but between me and my husband, that’s only 8 people, only one of which lives locally. If it were a huge number, we might be more selective.
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chanchy123




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:23 pm
amother [ Copper ] wrote:
Only those that live local.

Maybe it depends on the family size. But in my precovid world it was very common for people to fly in for the bar mitzvah of a nephew.
People I know did it all the time.
Of course it’s not possible to fly in for every Simcha but it’s rude but to invite and not unfathomable at all for aunts and uncles living far away to come.
Now I realize it’s a great nephew either way the proper thing is to invite them. Wise comes to worse they won’t come.
Anyhow we invited our aunts and uncles to the bat mitzvah and bar Mitzvah we made. Would be off not to.
Actually if great aunts and uncles are young they may very well fly in from overseas or at least within the North America for sure.
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amother




Copper
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:31 pm
chanchy123 wrote:
Maybe it depends on the family size. But in my precovid world it was very common for people to fly in for the bar mitzvah of a nephew.
People I know did it all the time.
Of course it’s not possible to fly in for every Simcha but it’s rude but to invite and not unfathomable at all for aunts and uncles living far away to come.
Now I realize it’s a great nephew either way the proper thing is to invite them. Wise comes to worse they won’t come.
Anyhow we invited our aunts and uncles to the bat mitzvah and bar Mitzvah we made. Would be off not to.
Actually if great aunts and uncles are young they may very well fly in from overseas or at least within the North America for sure.


I guess it depends on the family. Some people feel pressured to come if invited and we don't want to put pressure on anyone. They're all elderly & travel isn't easy for them. I don't think many people fly in or travel far for a great nephew bar mitzvah.
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 2:31 pm
Yes. They always get invited
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amother




Tangerine
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:36 pm
Yes, but we didn’t offer to put up people coming from out of the area.
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amother




Mistyrose
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 3:44 pm
No. That would be another 43 couples.
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amother




Pink
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 4:54 pm
I made BH already four Bar Mitzvas.... I know for sure they wont come but I always call them just because there vinching such nice brachas.... also they feel good that we have them in mind
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dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:07 pm
How old are they? In the winter many are away in Florida if they are older
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amother




Puce
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:12 pm
We invite all relatives basically. Just because you invite them, doesn't mean they will come!

I have relatives all over the world so it would be a couple hundred invites but no way are my great aunt and uncle from Spain (and many others) coming to a bar mitzvah in Milwaukee!
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causemommysaid




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:15 pm
amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:
Yes, but we didn’t offer to put up people coming from out of the area.


This. I would invite them but I can't host so many people for a whole shabbos including meals and sleeping.

I just host parents, grandparents, siblings from both sides. On my husband's side I might also include a couple other relatives since his family is so much smaller
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amother




Blush
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:28 pm
In general, on any particular simchah we hold a consistent line, but it may be different by different simchos. Grandparents are always invited. Then we decide- do we do all aunts and uncles? All great aunts and uncles? All first cousins? So for one son's bar mitzvah, we invited our aunts and uncles. The next one wanted his to be much smaller, so we cut out the entire category and explained. (Which was actually hard, because some grandparents understood and others thought their siblings would be upset, and could we just invite them and still keep numbers low.)
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zaq




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:44 pm
Of course we do, but we don't have dozens of them (aunts and uncles OR bar mitzvahs). If we each had ten married siblings with kids and forty aunts and uncles, my answer might have been different, doncha think?
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amother




Salmon
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 5:49 pm
Who is paying for it and is it costly per head?
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keym




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 7:16 pm
We do.
But I only have 3 sets of aunts and uncles within 100 mile distance.
So we send invitations to them all to keep them updated on our lives, but none except those who live nearby actually come, and even then only for the seuda not for Shabbos.
We also send invitations to our great-aunts and uncles, again to keep them posted on our life.
I put a picture of the bar mitzvah boy from when he put on tefillin (wearing his hat and jacket) in the envelope so it doesn't seem like we're just gunning for a gift.
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coloredleaves




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 7:42 pm
I personally never heard of not inviting great aunts and uncles but I think it is common for many not to come if far away even pre-covid. During covid in that age group probably most won't come- so don't worry too much about numbers. Also most or all I think wouldn't come for shabbas bc sleeping over is harder at older ages but some would probably come for a bit bayom- but with covid even that will probably be none or few. But u get the good will of inviting them! Unless the precidant in the family is not to invite, I think your aunts and uncles will be insulted not to be invited. Probably most won't come but they will send gifts and/ or call and feel good to be included
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amother




Copper
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 7:51 pm
keym wrote:
We do.
But I only have 3 sets of aunts and uncles within 100 mile distance.
So we send invitations to them all to keep them updated on our lives, but none except those who live nearby actually come, and even then only for the seuda not for Shabbos.
We also send invitations to our great-aunts and uncles, again to keep them posted on our life.
I put a picture of the bar mitzvah boy from when he put on tefillin (wearing his hat and jacket) in the envelope so it doesn't seem like we're just gunning for a gift.


This is such a nice thing to do.
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Thu, Feb 11 2021, 8:18 pm
Yes. We don’t have many . But I imagine we would regardless. Couples from OOT don’t rely travel in every time. When there are many aunts and uncles Thant means they have many simchos and can’t go to every one.
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