Don't want to go back to work after baby-chizuk please

amother

Plum

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:21 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I dont think its ethical to leave my clients in middle of year. I would love to end an hour early and drop 2 kids off my caseload but then they wont have a replacement OT and I feel bad if they dont get therapy...

Not your problem. The agency will find a replacement. Personally I’d be more concerned about my own baby. Baby only has one mommy but there are many OTs.

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 7:32 pm

amother [ Cyan ] wrote:

Sorry op
You sound like an amazing therapist
But your agency’s problems are their own not yours
Dont make them be yours and your baby’s
Priorities
Who is going to be watching your newborn all those hours while you work/commute etc?
Some Make it work and want to do so- you quite understandably do not and perhaps you do not have to
Hugs and hatlocha

thanks for such a kind message. I am a people pleaser. I am scared they'll get mad at me.
My aunt is going to watch my baby!!! BH. My aunt will switch off with my other aunt to watch my baby and one day my college aged sister will watch him iyh Smile

Happy my baby will be with family...

amother

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 8:04 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Dont say anything yet. Start off slowly and don't worry about missed sessions. The school doesn't seem to care either. Work till 3 for a couple weeks. Alternate missing children the best you can. Why do you have to tell agency? Do you think they'll find a replacement?

Good advice. I would have to tell agency bc they will ask me why arent I seeing X ?
Or what if the parent reaches out to me "why arent u seeing my son?"

How do u suggest I alternate seeing kids if I have the same schedule everyday? lets say I leave monday and tuesday at 3, then Im not seeing those same 4 kids from 3-5

amother

Orange

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 8:13 pm

amother [ Seashell ] wrote:

Actually this is not an ethical thing to do, not to mention illegal.
The students are entitled to their sessions. If you can't cover it, the agency is required to find someone who can. I know of parents who sued successfully because their child did not get all of the mandated time and got major payouts.
You won't have any job at all if your agency gets put out of business. (and you might lose your license)
Be professional. Be an adult. Give notice now about cutting your hours. They will find someone.

amother

Forestgreen

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:12 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

Many people won't agree with me but there are some of us that like being out long hours. In another year or so when your baby is bigger it can be easier to be away at work than dealing with a cranky toddler in the afternoon hours. It's not necessarily easier being home earlier and toddlers can do so well and learn so much in daycare. You also will have weekends with your baby and that is a big part of the week assuming you end earlier on Fridays. Bottom line is - you need to do what will work for you.

This is so sad. I'm sorry you're in so much pain that you can't see right now how much children need their mother. I hope you feel better soon.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:13 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

It seems like most women are telling you to cut back so I will be the voice on the other side. What they said is all true - you can't get the first year back, till 6pm is very long hours, you need to take care of yourself etc. On the other hand from what I've seen (not the same field) cutting hours definitely affects career growth down the line. Maybe an hour or so a day won't make a big difference in the long run but if continuing really could work well for you it may be worth it to try it. You can always cut your hours later if you want to. Also, money saved now is a big deal later. Many people won't agree with me but there are some of us that like being out long hours. In another year or so when your baby is bigger it can be easier to be away at work than dealing with a cranky toddler in the afternoon hours. It's not necessarily easier being home earlier and toddlers can do so well and learn so much in daycare. You also will have weekends with your baby and that is a big part of the week assuming you end earlier on Fridays. Bottom line is - you need to do what will work for you.

I so strongly disagree with this. The one year isn't affecting your career but it will affect your baby in ways you might not visibly see. Not to scare you just to explain that the first year is SO important. Btw you mention switching caretakers every day - that's pretty confusing, attachment wise, for a newborn baby. Even though it's family, not a solution I would run to do.

Tell your agency now that you're not returning. Anyone will fargin that on a resume you didn't return to work after having a first baby. If they won't, you don't want to work for them.

Don't worry about the big boys who aren't getting a therapist. They will survive, believe it or not. Worry about your brand new baby whose needs are more important right now. As a therapist whose goal is to encourage whole individuals, surely you can see that.

"dear employer. Due to personal reasons I will not be able to continue from this date ____" that's it.

amother

Blush

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:26 pm

"This is so sad. I'm sorry you're in so much pain that you can't see right now how much children need their mother. I hope you feel better soon."

I didn't say kids don't need their mother and I'm surprised you saw that as pain. I'm home with my kids every weekend and I get an extended weekend each week so we spend plenty of time together. I'm lucky to also be able to be with them sometimes for weekday mornings and afternoons as well, depending on my schedule. I just wanted to point out that longer days work for many families and the financial need for some of us to work longer hours is very real. OP should consider all sides when making this decision. In some cases it's easier to cut back later on when you know you really need it than to add back hours once you cut. I've seen people cut hours and then want to add them back later when their kids are a couple years older and their managers/bosses don't want to give them additional time at that point.

amother

Blonde

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 9:31 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

It sounds like you have a few kids who are also older. Let's rmmbr OP is talking about her first baby who is 6 weeks old (if that). She is learning to be a mother. Her career is not the most important thing right now. The year is half over. If she so desires, after pesach when baby is another month or two older, she can add back an hour or two (which should be readily available if the agency still hasn't found a sub)

Signed
A career woman

hfam

Wed, Feb 17 2021, 11:51 pm

It seems very daunting to return to work after birth, especially when you had just 6 weeks. I went through that 6 times. That feeling goes away quickly after you return. Your baby will still get your love "after hours". They will always love Mommy. Smile

As a therapist, your clients need you too. My kids all needed different therapies and I was very grateful for the help they got.
You should talk to the school about running things more efficiently.

amother

Coral

Thu, Feb 18 2021, 1:38 am

OP. This is a decision that you need to be completely comfortable with. You cannot make it based on what “ other” people do, or even based on the majority opinions over here.
Lay out your options: extending maternity leave, cutting hours, going right back to your schedule etc.
Now ask yourself- which of these will I feel most comfortable with after the decision is made? How will I feel in a couple of months?
None of the choices is right or wrong by definition- it is only right or wrong for you.
(Just to add my own personal experience...I went back to school shortly after my oldest was born and feel bad about it to this day, but I didn’t have family caring for my baby like you do.)

amother

Smokey

Thu, Feb 18 2021, 1:48 am

First, mazel tov!

It certainly makes sense that you want to be with the baby for now. These are precious months for you both.

Some things to consider:

Taking 12 weeks instead of 6, then going back.

Looking for work closer to home and/or moving closer to work, so the commute isn't such an issue.

Life with children is a lot more expensive than life without kids. It sounds like you can just barely afford to live on one salary now, and your expenses are only going up. I don't know that you can drop out of the work force unless your husband is anticipating a major jump in income.

Your long term career goals. Once you dial back to part time, it might be harder to get back to full time work. How do you feel about that?

Every choice has its advantages and disadvantages. The question is which ones you can live with. There's no single right answer.

Take the time to think, and consult with others, recognizing that you still have a new mommy brain, which isn't always operating at optimal capacity.

amother

Cyan

Thu, Feb 18 2021, 3:36 am

Thanks Op.
My heart goes out to you.

In order to be able to sleep better I would send a succinct message, tailor it to your situation, to boss/agency along these lines which is very common and understandable:

Dear ___, thank you for reaching out. At this time due to unforeseen circumstances I am unavailable to return to work at this time. I can reevaluate in the future and keep you updated. Thank you so much for your understanding. Best, (sign)

It is the truth.

Your whole life has just changed dramatically (in the best way possible); be kind to yourself and your new baby and give yourself time to figure out how best to proceed.