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Drunk ds Purim
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 1:25 am
My HS boys yeshiva has a purim party night and day. Last year dd drank 2 mini vodkas by day and came home a bit drunk. He slept all day.

This year ds told us someone already snuck in alcohol. We reminded him about safe drinking. He obviously didn't even listen. He drank alot, im not sure exactly how much.

Ds is currently laying on the floor in his vomit. I folded towels and put them under his head and covered him with a washable blanket.

I got him to sip a bit of water. Anything else I can do? Do I need to watch him all night?
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amother




Bisque
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 1:34 am
Get him to drink a lot of water if you can
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 1:37 am
Ds is sleeping. He actually vomited twice in his sleep. I got him to sip a bit of water using a straw. When dh tried he knocked away the water and spilled it all over.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 2:13 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Ds is sleeping. He actually vomited twice in his sleep. I got him to sip a bit of water using a straw. When dh tried he knocked away the water and spilled it all over.


If he is vomiting in his sleep, please call Hatzolah! He's at risk of breathing in some of the vomit, and that can lead to severe pneumonia. Many rock stars have died that way!

Sadly, you may have to drive him to the ER yourself, as I'm sure Hatzolah is swamped with calls just like yours all over the city - not to mention dealing with drunk driving accidents. Sad Crying
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mochamix18




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 2:18 am
Echoing FF, call Hatzolah bus, vomiting in sleep from intoxicating min is not a joke.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 5:44 am
I watched DS for the last few hours. He is bh ok. He just woke up and showered.

I was originally planning to go to vasikin megila, I now just was to sleep all Friday. Im so tired.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 5:49 am
I'm glad he's okay! Can you talk to the school? Some schools, after hearing enough stories like this from parents, get better about how they handle or monitor things.

Also, of course, talk to him, and find out if he can pinpoint when and how he forgot what you had told him, and if the two of you can work better together to help him learn safe practices.
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amother




Lilac
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 6:14 am
imasinger wrote:
I'm glad he's okay! Can you talk to the school? Some schools, after hearing enough stories like this from parents, get better about how they handle or monitor things.

Also, of course, talk to him, and find out if he can pinpoint when and how he forgot what you had told him, and if the two of you can work better together to help him learn safe practices.


He’s a high school boy on Purim. Chances are he didn’t ‘forget’ what they talked about...unfortunately the peer pressure in this area is really strong. OP, glad your son is OK!
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 6:20 am
I beg to differ. Never never assume that peer pressure is stronger than chinuch pressure!

We have an obligation to our children to teach them, and that includes teens.

Some kids just naturally learn from this kind of experience, and mature past it on their own, but some don't. Every year after Purim there are painful threads started by wives whose husbands are abusing alcohol in Purim.

Parental guidance, while we can still offer it, is key. There are parenting classes and shiurim for parents of teens that can address this. Parents, don't assume it's out of your hands!
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amother




Coffee
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 6:30 am
What a way to ruin purim!
Hug to OP
The school must stop this or cancel their party.
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amother




Bisque
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 7:22 am
amother [ Coffee ] wrote:
What a way to ruin purim!
Hug to OP
The school must stop this or cancel their party.


As the mother of a HS boy I think the school party was the safest option. I was so much happier my son was in Yeshiva last night rather then going from party by party.
It’s very unlikely that an older HS boy used to a certain Purim will be staying home bec his party was canceled.
I do agree to talk to school next year. Unfortunately even if school is very on top of things boys can still sneak in small items without the school being aware.
(One thing is the mitzvah of drinking on Purim is with wine not vodka. The discussion can also come from that angle. But not on Purim. After).
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fmt4




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 8:48 am
Ugh. This makes me sick. The priorities in yeshivas are so messed up. Drinking until you’re lying in your own vomit is tolerated and even encouraged, but god forbid you wear a blue shirt or talk to a girl.
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simcha2




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 9:28 am
There is only an inyan to drink wine, and only at the seuda.

There is no excuse, halachic or otherwise, for drinking at night or with hard liquor or to the point of vomiting.

OP- I'm sure others will disagree, but I would take a picture of ds lying in his own vomit, and at a calm time, in a few days, have a discussion with him. He won't remember how disgusting he was. Shocking him may prevent a repeat.
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CatLady




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 9:59 am
I don't understand how underage high school students have free access to alcohol of any kind at a school-sanctioned party. Assuming that the majority of students are under 18, which is the legal drinking age in Israel, this is illegal. I would not only have a discussion with my DS about the dangers of binge drinking, I'd also have a discussion with the school's administration.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 10:06 am
Something I don’t understand
What is SAFE DRINKING for underage child
The talk should have NO DRINKING
AND IF YOU DO THISAND THIS WILL BE YOUR CONSEQUENCE
if need be you write a contract and have him sign
I don’t understand this at all
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avrahamama




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 10:15 am
simcha2 wrote:
There is only an inyan to drink wine, and only at the seuda.

There is no excuse, halachic or otherwise, for drinking at night or with hard liquor or to the point of vomiting.

OP- I'm sure others will disagree, but I would take a picture of ds lying in his own vomit, and at a calm time, in a few days, have a discussion with him. He won't remember how disgusting he was. Shocking him may prevent a repeat.


This!!!!! Purim is not a frat party! The mishteh is supposed to be a seudah and drinking should be wine only. I even remember that drinking wine specifically is meant to be a tikun. But I can't remember of what.

My husband had done this so many times. And it's because he is a poor eater. Starts drinking on an empty stomach and then it hits him hard and fast and he loses his head.

When I make sure he eats and force food in him he does much better.
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simcha2




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 10:24 am
avrahamama wrote:
This!!!!! Purim is not a frat party! The mishteh is supposed to be a seudah and drinking should be wine only. I even remember that drinking wine specifically is meant to be a tikun. But I can't remember of what.

My husband had done this so many times. And it's because he is a poor eater. Starts drinking on an empty stomach and then it hits him hard and fast and he loses his head.

When I make sure he eats and force food in him he does much better.


It's a tikkun for the Jews attending the mishteh that Ahashverosh attended and acting in inappropriate ways (including bittul Torah).

Which is why we drink wine a part of a seudat mitzvah - as a tikkun.

Drinking to drunkenness outside the Torah is certainly no tikkun
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amother




Bisque
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 10:50 am
There are ppl who hold to have a mishteh and drink at night. When in Israel I was invited and in America ppl do it as well.
IMO I think if the boys are behaving that is the point. It’s not a frat party with inappropriate behavior. They dance. Sing. Praise Hashem. Speak Torah.
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amother




Coffee
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 2:59 pm
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
As the mother of a HS boy I think the school party was the safest option. I was so much happier my son was in Yeshiva last night rather then going from party by party.
It’s very unlikely that an older HS boy used to a certain Purim will be staying home bec his party was canceled.
I do agree to talk to school next year. Unfortunately even if school is very on top of things boys can still sneak in small items without the school being aware.
(One thing is the mitzvah of drinking on Purim is with wine not vodka. The discussion can also come from that angle. But not on Purim. After).

I have three boys in high school none of whom drink more than a tiny drop in a cup because they know they are not allowed.
I have been speaking to them about this since they were little.
Even their teacher told them last night that the mitzva to drink is during the day, not by night.
Today I praised them and said that because they made good responsible choices last night, they are able to have a good day today.
Underage drinking should not be tolerated by any responsible adult. Give them soda.
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amother




Wheat
 

Post Fri, Feb 26 2021, 3:34 pm
When ds was in yeshiva I told him that I would be coming to the yeshiva during the party and checking on him. If he was drinking I was going to take him by the ear and pull him out. He had a bit of wine and that was it. As he got older I backed off.
Underage drinking should never be allowed.
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