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My daughter didn’t get into seminary
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:39 pm
And she’s been crying for two days. I need chizuk. To help her. I can’t watch her be so unhappy, and yet I can’t fix it either.
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agreer




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:42 pm
Only time will help. Let her grieve.
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tigerwife




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:43 pm
You need to be making phone calls now. Many girls don’t get in the first shift. That’s because other girls will get multiple slots and need to make decisions fast to loosen up other slots. Can you call her teacher or machaneches to pull for her?
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amother




Black
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:43 pm
Big, big hugs!
I've had kids who got into 1, 2, and 0. We saw tremendous hashgacha in different situations. re the one who got into none, she ended up going to a new seminary. This was ironic because I didn't want her to apply to a seminary going into its second year because it was still too new IMO. But the seminary she went to was part of a system so it had a great built in infrastructure. They weren't looking for girls who were straight A academic but who were solid good girls in every other way so as to give them a good name. BH it was a really good place for her.
I hope things work out well, that you have principals who will go to bat for her working behind the scenes on waiting lists if appropriate, or finding a place like with my dd.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 7:51 pm
tigerwife wrote:
You need to be making phone calls now. Many girls don’t get in the first shift. That’s because other girls will get multiple slots and need to make decisions fast to loosen up other slots. Can you call her teacher or machaneches to pull for her?


I called her mechaneches and left a message. I’ll try back in a little if I don’t hear from her.
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flowerpower




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 8:06 pm
Keep trying! With perseverance you’ll get her in (And prayer too)
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amother




Ginger
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 8:15 pm
I didn't get in anywhere either when I applied. I was GO head, almost straight A's, well-liked by teachers and friends.... It was very heartbreaking for me quite honestly. It made feel all my hard work was for nothing and that I was pretty much worthless. Please validate her feelings as much as you can because it is really tough. And seminary decisions are not really about how "great" of a girl one is. They make decisions on many other factors we don't necessarily know about or agree with.

Also work with her school, mechanenes, seminary person to brainstorm and be creative to come up with other options. I did end up getting into a wonderful seminary that was not my first choice (at all) and I had a really wonderful year.
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amother




Mint
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 8:51 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
And she’s been crying for two days. I need chizuk. To help her. I can’t watch her be so unhappy, and yet I can’t fix it either.


This was my daughter last year. Every day was like Tisha B'av x10.
In the end she got into a seminary that she totally did not apply to and she is very happy there. In so many ways, this seminary is a perfect fit for her and the ones she applied to were just wrong for her, in retrospect.
She told me yesterday that she went to the kosel to daven for all the girls who have not gotten into seminary yet.
Hatzlacha supporting your daughter.

I know you asked for chizzuk for her but I want to give you Chizzuk for you. This is not something you should repeat to her at this point. But I hope it helps you.
When my daughter didn't get into seminary, I felt sad for her, but really I was secretly a little happy for her. That's because I think that in the bigger scheme of life, getting a rejection from seminary is very minor. In a few days, she will get into a seminary and she will be like every other girl. When they get to seminary in September, no one knows who got in on the first round, and who didn't. But I was happy for my daughter to have the experience of rejection because I think that it's important for girls to learn to deal with rejection and disappointments. I have met too many people who never experienced disappointment in their formative years, and when it came to something major, they fell apart. These experiences are gentle ways to build those important muscles that she will need for life.
Right now, she feels like her world is caving in. But, you as her mother should know that it is temporary, and that she is actually receiving a precious gift- an opportunity to face disappointment. Life is full of hard knocks. This girls that don't get the solo they wanted, or the part of the play they dreamed of, or their first choice of seminary, or their choice of 12th grade job... those girls are the ones who are able to weather future disappointments with grace and resilience.
I never look for my children to have disappointment c"v, but if they do, I dont try to shield them from it.
Hatzlacha again OP!
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amother




Floralwhite
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:15 pm
amother [ Mint ] wrote:
This was my daughter last year. Every day was like Tisha B'av x10.
In the end she got into a seminary that she totally did not apply to and she is very happy there. In so many ways, this seminary is a perfect fit for her and the ones she applied to were just wrong for her, in retrospect.
She told me yesterday that she went to the kosel to daven for all the girls who have not gotten into seminary yet.
Hatzlacha supporting your daughter.

I know you asked for chizzuk for her but I want to give you Chizzuk for you. This is not something you should repeat to her at this point. But I hope it helps you.
When my daughter didn't get into seminary, I felt sad for her, but really I was secretly a little happy for her. That's because I think that in the bigger scheme of life, getting a rejection from seminary is very minor. In a few days, she will get into a seminary and she will be like every other girl. When they get to seminary in September, no one knows who got in on the first round, and who didn't. But I was happy for my daughter to have the experience of rejection because I think that it's important for girls to learn to deal with rejection and disappointments. I have met too many people who never experienced disappointment in their formative years, and when it came to something major, they fell apart. These experiences are gentle ways to build those important muscles that she will need for life.
Right now, she feels like her world is caving in. But, you as her mother should know that it is temporary, and that she is actually receiving a precious gift- an opportunity to face disappointment. Life is full of hard knocks. This girls that don't get the solo they wanted, or the part of the play they dreamed of, or their first choice of seminary, or their choice of 12th grade job... those girls are the ones who are able to weather future disappointments with grace and resilience.
I never look for my children to have disappointment c"v, but if they do, I dont try to shield them from it.
Hatzlacha again OP!

This! You explained it so well!!!
Op, she will get in next week iy'h!
I know lots of girls that got accepted into a few seminaries and they're only going to one place!!!
Remind her that the avoda of adar is to be besimcha, not very easy in those circumstances but Hashem runs the world and she will end going exactly where she's meant to go, gam zu letova!!!
P.s: Regarding the bolded, the school my daughter attends stressed that so much! If you apply in places that are not right the fit for you, you most likely will not be accepted!(not sure that it's your case at all, I'm just pointing it out!!!)
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BH Yom Yom




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 9:57 pm
amother [ Mint ] wrote:
This was my daughter last year. Every day was like Tisha B'av x10.
In the end she got into a seminary that she totally did not apply to and she is very happy there. In so many ways, this seminary is a perfect fit for her and the ones she applied to were just wrong for her, in retrospect.
She told me yesterday that she went to the kosel to daven for all the girls who have not gotten into seminary yet.
Hatzlacha supporting your daughter.

I know you asked for chizzuk for her but I want to give you Chizzuk for you. This is not something you should repeat to her at this point. But I hope it helps you.
When my daughter didn't get into seminary, I felt sad for her, but really I was secretly a little happy for her. That's because I think that in the bigger scheme of life, getting a rejection from seminary is very minor. In a few days, she will get into a seminary and she will be like every other girl. When they get to seminary in September, no one knows who got in on the first round, and who didn't. But I was happy for my daughter to have the experience of rejection because I think that it's important for girls to learn to deal with rejection and disappointments. I have met too many people who never experienced disappointment in their formative years, and when it came to something major, they fell apart. These experiences are gentle ways to build those important muscles that she will need for life.
Right now, she feels like her world is caving in. But, you as her mother should know that it is temporary, and that she is actually receiving a precious gift- an opportunity to face disappointment. Life is full of hard knocks. This girls that don't get the solo they wanted, or the part of the play they dreamed of, or their first choice of seminary, or their choice of 12th grade job... those girls are the ones who are able to weather future disappointments with grace and resilience.
I never look for my children to have disappointment c"v, but if they do, I dont try to shield them from it.
Hatzlacha again OP!


Applause Applause Applause
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#BestBubby




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:09 pm
I remember in the olden days, when some classmates did not get into BJJ (one of the few sems that
existed in the days of yore), we expressed our disappointment to our teacher, the later famous,
Zehava Braunstein, AH, who comforted us saying:

Even Ma'asu Ha'Bonim, Hoysa L'Rosh Pina

The stone that the builders rejected, became the cornerstone! Smile
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Thisisnotmyreal




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 10:15 pm
Oy so harsh. Please hold her hand through this! So painful.
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amother




Blue
 

Post Tue, Mar 02 2021, 11:36 pm
Try your best to get her in, talk to people and see what you can do. And most of all, have emunah that she will be wherever Hashem thinks is best for her to be, even if it's home and not in seminary.

Trust Hashem, he knows better than all of us and loves us!
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amother




Papaya
 

Post Wed, Mar 03 2021, 12:07 am
Op, please tell your daughter this is in no way a reflection on her. It’s just a numbers game and sometimes they come short. I tell all my daughters before the letters come that they might not get in anywhere and it has zero to do with them.
The school really should have worked it out with you before the answers came to figure out who got into multiple places and move the slots over. Why didn’t they deal with this before?
They should be working on it now so that she does not have even one more upset day. Now is the time, and I’m really surprised they haven’t tried to figure it out already.
Also from what I’ve seen, like others said, it really works out for the best where she ends up, and no one ever knows or cares who got in first or second round.
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amother




Honeydew
 

Post Wed, Mar 03 2021, 12:14 am
Why do the schools send rejection letters so early?
They should send acceptance letters.
Wait two weeks to get responses and then send more acceptance letters and so on.
It would save so much heartache.
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naturalmom5




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Mar 03 2021, 12:21 am
Are you talking anout placrsbin Israel

In Lakewood there are some very nice seminaries to try out
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amother




Bisque
 

Post Wed, Mar 03 2021, 12:35 am
I wish I would have known how hyped-up and ridiculous the pressure to go to seminary is when I got rejecteds from seminary 20 years ago.

I cried and cried till I got in. Then I went, and I said, "This is what I cried over?!"

Seminary is a scam. You can listen to shiurim and go to work/college a year early. Seminary wastes money, puts unnecessary pressure on parents and girls, and sets up girls with unbelievably unrealistic expectations about life.

Most young women do not NEED to go to seminary. Unfortunately, we often confuse wants with needs.

If all the girls who didn't get into seminary would accept their results and find other things to do next year, the stigma of rejection would be greatly lessened. Girls who only apply to seminary out of peer pressure will see that it's not necessary to go. The world will be a better place.
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amother




Lawngreen
 

Post Wed, Mar 03 2021, 12:49 am
amother [ Bisque ] wrote:
I wish I would have known how hyped-up and ridiculous the pressure to go to seminary is when I got rejecteds from seminary 20 years ago.

I cried and cried till I got in. Then I went, and I said, "This is what I cried over?!"

Seminary is a scam. You can listen to shiurim and go to work/college a year early. Seminary wastes money, puts unnecessary pressure on parents and girls, and sets up girls with unbelievably unrealistic expectations about life.

Most young women do not NEED to go to seminary. Unfortunately, we often confuse wants with needs.

If all the girls who didn't get into seminary would accept their results and find other things to do next year, the stigma of rejection would be greatly lessened. Girls who only apply to seminary out of peer pressure will see that it's not necessary to go. The world will be a better place.


Please don’t make this discussion how seminary is a scam. Either way, you said you went 20 years ago; plenty has changed.

I loved my year in seminary so much that I went for a second year. Regular BY girl... nothing compared the experience.

Hatzlacha OP!! It must be so hard for her. I disagree with the posters who think it’s not a big deal to get this kind of rejection and in a few days she’ll get over it since it does feel like they’re rejecting YOU and that really does hurt. I’m sorry your daughter and others are going through this; Hashem has a master plan but it’s so hard sometimes.
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DrMom




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Mar 03 2021, 12:51 am
I'm so sorry. That must be so disappointing.

What was she planning on doing after seminary? Can she jump straight to that?
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amother




Violet
 

Post Wed, Mar 03 2021, 12:51 am
I'm not in a community where seminary is a must but my oh my, doesn't anyone see anything wrong with this? Putting young girls through something like this?
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