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Forum
-> Household Management
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amother
Jetblack
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 Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:08 pm
Do you have children, OP?
Children are a messy, and expensive, proposition. They depreciate a house faster than anything other than arson or an act of G-d.
Frum people tend to have more children than secular people with comparable incomes. Ergo: a. they have less disposable income to spend on their houses and b. they have more youngsters making more messes. Mystery solved.
What's a "cute" house? I don't associate cleanliness and neatness with cuteness. Do you, perhaps, mean "stylish" "fashionable" or "trendy"? See above. Different priorities.
Here's another area where frum people differ from secular people and nonJews: hachnassat orchim. Most frum people will sink more resources into items and features that make it possible for them to have overnight guests than into features that will their home more stylish.
I'll never forget a visit I made to a very wealthy nonOrthodox home. It was gorgeous, all black and white polished marble and carpets that you sank into up to your ankles, and HUGE. Every child had his or her own bedroom with bath en suite, master suite had a bathroom bigger than my living room, living room you could hold a wedding in. There was a live-in maid whose room had its own kitchenette and bathroom ensuite. There were more bathrooms than people, a room just for watching TV, a breakfast room and a sewing room and a music room --and ZERO accommodations for overnight guests. Zero. No sleeper couch in the living room, no high-risers or bunk beds in the kids' rooms, no easy chair that converts to a bed in the music room. They couldn't even have Grandma stay overnight after the Seder because there were no spare beds. None. Granny had to stay in a hotel and be driven there after the Seder ended. Since the owner of this house was an architect who designed the house himself, the lack of guest accommodations was clearly a very deliberate choice.
Meanwhile,I have yet to find a frum family that doesn't make some sort of accommodations for an overnight guest, even if all it is is a sleeping bag on the floor or a foldout ottoman in the living room.
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HeartyAppetite
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:11 pm
| amother [ Green ] wrote: | | I think she means keeping the outside of the house neat and elegant, mowing the lawn, putting outdoor toys away, decor. |
Well in boro park nobody has lawns. Most of us live in apartment buildings or condos.
People that own their own private house will take care of the outside.
But come visit us and the inside is usually clean and organized.
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amother
Powderblue
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:12 pm
| amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote: | I used to wonder this, too, but I was always too scared to ask.
I put a lot of effort into making my house look magazine-worthy. My playroom is gorgeous, and there are tons of shelves and lots of storage. A lot of my furniture also doubles as storage. I put many cabinets into my kitchen, so nothing is on the counter.
I keep everything minimal on purpose- I don’t need a billion salad bowls or a ton of shoes. I don’t like breakfronts, so my dining room looks minimal and neat, too.
Every winter vacation and summer vacation I go through closets and donate clothes.
But I used to do EI in a different neighborhood where many of the families had a lot of people in too little space. No judgement, but that was their reality. So it makes sense that they would have “stuff” around. It works for them, so great. |
It’s a personality thing. I know plenty of non Jews who are hoarders. If you come into mine - there’ll be no hoarding happening no siree.
It doesn’t have to do with big or small families. U can have families with 2 kids and the house is overflowing with junk toys and too many clothes and families with 12 children and there’s a cubby for everything and there’s knickknacks. Also there’s a specific lifestyle - some ppl might gravitate to the old couches and pics of gedolim cuz they don’t need to “decorate” whereas others grew Hungarian and need Persian carpets and copies of Van Gogh. Why wld u be scared to ask?
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zaq
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:12 pm
| amother [ Floralwhite ] wrote: |
I put a lot of effort into making my house look magazine-worthy. . |
Why? Do you live in a magazine? Do you make a living selling pictures of your house to magazines?
Do you think being magazine-worthy makes your house a welcoming place?
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mommy3b2c
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:13 pm
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Wow. And I would say the exact opposite. Non jewish homes for me, means cluttered, messy, outdated, mismatched furniture. While jewish homes are big and beautiful, spotless, updated furniture. We must hang out in different circles.
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amother
Powderblue
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:18 pm
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My mother is Hungarian you’ll see her gardening on her front lawn- the non Jewish neighbors don’t step foot onto their own lawns. I live in the city so can’t do the same
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amother
Papaya
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:23 pm
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What? I tottly disagree. Frum heimisha ppl have a sense of “balabustishness”/ and come what may by Friday erev Shabbos that house is spotless. I’m looking into buying a home now. Whichever house I saw that was Jewish Owned was decent and put together where as the non Jewish homes were full of junk and stuff all over the place.
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amother
Aqua
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:25 pm
| amother [ Jetblack ] wrote: | Do you have children, OP?
Children are a messy, and expensive, proposition. They depreciate a house faster than anything other than arson or an act of G-d.
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amother
Smokey
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:25 pm
Interesting as this thread is a Rorschach Test in terms of responses since every one has their own definition and reaction to what is a "cute" house and why frum homes aren't "cute - ranging from agreement to defensiveness.
I suspect that some of it has to do with how people are raised - typically frum people aren't outdoorsy and into gardening nor are they raised to be artistic. I am generalizing of course but there are relatively few great Jewish artists as compared to their population where Jews over-exceed their actual population percentages in fields like science and medicine.
Based on real estate listings, a lot of Jewish homes seem to be bland with not a great deal of personal style. I wonder if that has something to do with how often I see people questioning whether something is acceptable or how it would be viewed. Perhaps this is a disincentive for people to want to decorate in a way that could be viewed as not quite right by community standards.
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amother
Gold
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:29 pm
My house looks pretty run down.
I pay a lot in tuition, camp. I’d never take a reduction on tuition to make my house ‘cute’ (I hope no one does either...)
Plus I give large amounts of tzedakah
I want my home to be lived in. My kids shouldn’t be afraid of any room or furniture. Their friends should be welcome and comfortable.
I guess having a ‘cute’ home isn’t a priority in my life. .
ETA - plenty of Jews have magnificent homes were I live. I think I’m in the minority.
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Simple1
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:35 pm
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Not sure what you mean by cute but you specify frum homes are messy and unkempt. Not at all where I live! Houses are unrealistically clean. I kind of wish you were right because it gets so hard to keep up with the Jones's. Maybe this depends on location.
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:36 pm
| zaq wrote: | Why? Do you live in a magazine? Do you make a living selling pictures of your house to magazines?
Do you think being magazine-worthy makes your house a welcoming place? |
No. It’s because I enjoy it. And my house is extra cool because it’s magazine worthy AND welcoming.
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amother
Peach
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:37 pm
There are soo many different types of people. I have lots of neighbors who have perfect homes front and inside and also frum neighbors who don't.
Same with the non Jewish neighbors. Some have tons of clutter outside and some are perfect lawns.
One thing I did notice is that the majority of non Jewish neighbors with nice lawns have no children and spend hours taking care of their own lawns. Like they spend most of their day grooming their lawn (no matter what time of day I pass by I see them so maybe not all day)
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amother
Floralwhite
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:37 pm
| amother [ Powderblue ] wrote: | It’s a personality thing. I know plenty of non Jews who are hoarders. If you come into mine - there’ll be no hoarding happening no siree.
It doesn’t have to do with big or small families. U can have families with 2 kids and the house is overflowing with junk toys and too many clothes and families with 12 children and there’s a cubby for everything and there’s knickknacks. Also there’s a specific lifestyle - some ppl might gravitate to the old couches and pics of gedolim cuz they don’t need to “decorate” whereas others grew Hungarian and need Persian carpets and copies of Van Gogh. Why wld u be scared to ask? |
You’re for sure right, it is a personality thing. But I live in a frum community, and I’ve never been in a non-Jewish house. So this is what I’m basing it off of.
When I lived oot in a small Jewish community, you definitely saw manicured lawns and beautiful exteriors (both Jewish and non-Jewish houses). You could see nice living rooms through open window shades, but interestingly the frum houses- especially the ones with lots of kids- did not look as put together on the inside than the tiny glimpses that I would see through the window. It’s not fair to compare, though, because I didn’t get the full picture.
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amother
Firebrick
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:49 pm
Certainly not in my neighborhood!! On the contrary! In my neighborhood of New York, many homes that are bought up by a Jewish family are either rebuilt, or gutted. Very few are move in, perfect condition! you should have seen my house when we bought it. We couldn’t even walk into the bathrooms. The stench was so bad. Furniture outdated, dirty carpets, floorboards that creaked, no light fixtures! We did a complete gut renovation, and my house is now so beautiful! Neat, organized, stylish tiles, nice furniture, gorgeous kitchen, modern bathrooms... The houses on either side of me that have non Jews living in them?!
For the record, we didn’t spend on the outside. We don’t believe In “showing off” and we’re happy for the outside to look simple and plain! And the kids play ball and ride bikes and roller blade etc..
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amother
Yellow
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 10:59 pm
What?
Did OP throw this on us and ran the other way? 
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amother
Mistyrose
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 11:00 pm
| mommy3b2c wrote: | | Wow. And I would say the exact opposite. Non jewish homes for me, means cluttered, messy, outdated, mismatched furniture. While jewish homes are big and beautiful, spotless, updated furniture. We must hang out in different circles. |
same... where in the world does OP live?? where I live, non jewish hopes are all messy, with big clunky out-dated furniture and knicknacks. Frum homes are spotless, modern, spacious, and up-to-date. Definitely a value around here!
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silverlining3
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 11:02 pm
Do I qualify for a cute home?
There's 2 posters hanging on my wall straight across my main entrance. It's a welcome home sign my kids made for me a few weeks ago. It also says I love you. I really think it's cute!
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tigerwife
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 11:04 pm
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“Frum People” encompasses a rather wide variation of communities and norms; it would be very surprising to learn that we all have the same home care habits.
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amother
Ivory
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Sun, Mar 07 2021, 11:12 pm
I haven't been in many non Jewish homes but the ones I see on Instagram are beautiful and neat and clean and organized just like the Jewish Instagram homes I see.
In real life all the homes I see (Jewish) are lived-in, normal homes, clean and organized on erev shabbos and lived-in during the rest of the week. No one I know has a magazine worthy home hats always spotless.
I do notice differences between ppl who maintain the lawn and clear garbage etc. Some do, some don't. Most non Jewish people do have tidy green lawns (except the ones with those awful overgrown overdone gardens).
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