Very rigid- has his own rules- potches/tantrums

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 7:42 pm

Son is very rigid. He has his ideas of how something needs to be and if something is slightly different, like if a person behaves slightly differently then he expected or wants he screams tantrums and sometimes hits. For example if you sing a song loudly that you usually sing quietly or you stand in the area where he wants to ride his bike for a second...etc etc. Its not easy...any tips please

amother

Sienna

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 7:44 pm

2 questions:
How old is he?
Has anyone ever taught him the appropriate way to express himself?

amother

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 7:51 pm

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

2 questions:
How old is he?
Has anyone ever taught him the appropriate way to express himself?

4 years and yes, we worked on expressing self. The problem is he needs to always have his way and sometimes its not appropriate to give him his way, he kind of acts like he's king and everyone should be his loyal subjects and obey his every wish or else. Its extreme and nuanced his demands

amother

Sienna

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:02 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

4 years old is a hard age. That’s great that you’re helping him express his feelings and wants. Just keep offering alternatives like “now is yossi’s turn with the toy, and he will tell you when it’s your turn. Thank you for waiting so patiently. While you wait, you can choose a different toy. What do you choose?”
“I know your ears don’t like when I sing loudly. Can you try say ‘mommy, I don’t like that. Please be a little quieter’. My ears don’t like when you scream at me to be quiet. Thank you for understanding.”
“You are riding your bike and esti is in your way. Can you try ‘excuse me, esti!’ She can understand you better that way, and it’s a nicer way to talk.”
And tons of positive reinforcement “yay you waited so patiently, even though you really really wanted it.”
Validation also goes a long way “wow you seem so upset that yossi did xyz. That is very upsetting. I’m sorry, sweetie. I can’t let you hit people. If you need to hit, here’s a pillow you can hit.”

amother

Babypink

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:18 pm

Rigidity is sometimes a symptom of being on the spectrum.
Does he have other strange behaviors?

amother

Jetblack

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:29 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Rigidity is sometimes a symptom of being on the spectrum.
Does he have other strange behaviors?

I’ve also found rigidity to be a sign of anxiety so perhaps consider if he has other characteristics that would indicate that.

amother

Rose

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:30 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Rigidity is sometimes a symptom of being on the spectrum.
Does he have other strange behaviors?

Especially the part that he is annoyed at loud singing.

Please get him evaluated.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:32 pm

This doesn't sound like typical behavior of a four year old. Please do get him evaluated.

amother

Babypink

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:35 pm

My son has been rigid since he was very young..very argumentative, black and white thinker, also sensory.
As a young teen he was diagnosed with mild ASD.

amother

Blush

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:38 pm

My daughter was jus like this at age 4, with rules, rituals, and procedures that must always be adhered to. It was difficult. I didn't pick up that this type of rigidity is actually OCD. Turned out she had pandas.

imasinger

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 8:40 pm

Another vote for evaluation.

lovingmommy3417

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 9:55 pm

My 4 yo son is similar and I am beginning to think it is some OCD (dh has the same) and some anxiety. Gets very upset when you do something he doesnt like or in the wrong way.

amother

Violet

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 9:56 pm

Sounds very much like Ocd caused by pandas

amother

Ivory

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 10:13 pm

amother [ Blush ] wrote:

This

FranticFrummie

Sun, Mar 14 2021, 11:01 pm

PANDAS can look very much like ASD, and vice versa. Definitely check for both.

amother

Mon, Mar 15 2021, 6:00 am

amother [ Sienna ] wrote:

so once he wants his way if I try to talk to help him through it he just screams louder to drown out my voice ...and he'll stay stuck for a very very long time on that one thing he wanted. No matter how small.. And, if he does let me talk and help him through it, he doesn't forget and later does the inappropriate thing again. If I would tell him to hit a pillow he would just purposely hit the person more, he needs to feel in control and gets compulsive about it .

amother

Mon, Mar 15 2021, 6:08 am

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

Rigidity is sometimes a symptom of being on the spectrum.
Does he have other strange behaviors?

I don't know... He needs work on his social skills, on understanding and caring that others have needs and also on flexibility, not staying stuck forever on little things....he has other struggles too, but they dont strike me as on the spectrum I think it's something else.

Success10

Mon, Mar 15 2021, 6:08 am

A dd of mine was like this, and at the time it was soo hard, but in the end, there is nothing really wrong with her, she's just a stubborn, strong-minded kid. And in the long run, it's one of her best qualities. She's matured a lot, but still can be hard to deal with at times. I'm just letting you know that there might not be a diagnosis that comes along with this behavior. Just coping strategies, like giving the child as much control as possible, healthy sensory outlets, and reminding yourself 50 times a day that you do love your child and they're not deliberately driving you nuts.

amother

Mon, Mar 15 2021, 6:09 am

amother [ Jetblack ] wrote:

I’ve also found rigidity to be a sign of anxiety so perhaps consider if he has other characteristics that would indicate that.

he does have anxiety... needs to be encouraged very much to try anything new...

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Mar 15 2021, 6:09 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Why don't they strike you as possibly on the spectrum?

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