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Can never go away for shabbos
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 10:58 pm
So we can't ever go away for shabbos. My babies don't sleep (at all) when we are away. They miss their crib and privacy. For example my 1 year old only sleeps in her crib when it's quiet. If her siblings or any other voices are nearby, fughettaboutit.
We recently went away for shabbos and had a lovely time... except baby and I did not sleep. She insisted on being in (the tiny) bed with me (screamed so loud when I tried to put her in porta crib right next to my bed). But she didn't want to sleep- oh no. Bed with mommy means sitting up and babbling and trying to jump off the bed (at 12 am). Then if we do end up sleeping she wants to nurse all night long, pacifier isn't good enough.
I'm frustrated because we have a family event coming up and the hostess will be very offended if we don't come (despite having kids of her own) and if we do go that means I am dealing with a night of absolutely no sleep for me. And a late night meal with her screaming from overexhaustion but refusing to let me out her to bed.

Is this life? Can we never go away for shabbos until our youngest is 2?
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simba




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:10 pm
Its life with babies. Dont worry about the hostess, do what works for you. If you can afford to skip a night a sleep then do it. I wouldn't.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:11 pm
simba wrote:
Its life with babies. Dont worry about the hostess, do what works for you. If you can afford to skip a night a sleep then do it. I wouldn't.


It's not ridiculous to literally not go away for shabbos for two years every time I have a baby?
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simba




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:14 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It's not ridiculous to literally not go away for shabbos for two years every time I have a baby?


Every baby is different. And infants are easier I'm this regard. Dont worry about everytime, deal with now.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:19 pm
Maybe I can tell Dh to go with the kids and I'll stay home with baby...

I dunno it feels like I'm the only one with such finicky babies. I'm happy for my baby that she loves her sleep oasis (crib and quiet) so much but ... !!!

I guess I have to come to terms with it

(I hope my family doesn't hate me. I'm going to sound like a spoiled brat)
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Frumme




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:22 pm
Maybe practice putting baby down for naps in the pack n play, to get her familiar with it?
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:22 pm
simba wrote:
Every baby is different. And infants are easier I'm this regard. Dont worry about everytime, deal with now.


Infants are easier but I don't go away then because I don't want to expose infants to so many germs so early on, and because nursing an infant in other ppl homes can be really hard (finding a private and comfy place, being dressed for shabbos and having to position myself to nurse vs wearing my comfy clothes at home)
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Apr 15 2021, 11:23 pm
Frumme wrote:
Maybe practice putting baby down for naps in the pack n play, to get her familiar with it?


She doesn't. She refuses. She would cry for two hours straight.
She also recognizes that it's a strange place and gets terrified. Poor baby

I wish we lived walking distance
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shabbatiscoming




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 4:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
It's not ridiculous to literally not go away for shabbos for two years every time I have a baby?
No, its not ridiculous. You have to choose what is more important to you or what you want more, a night of no sleep and to see your family or whomever you are visiting or to have your sleep and no visits until your baby sleeps better.
There really are no other choices.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 4:43 am
We went away for shabbat twice since my DD was born 4 years ago. It's not crazy.
It ruins our entire week, literally.
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runninglate




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 6:37 am
Would it work if a young couple you know came to stay in your house over shabbos and babysit? Oh you mentioned nursing, I guess not. Seems like it’s a choice between sleepless night and missing a Simcha then. For a close Simcha, I’d probably deal with the sleepless night. I really get how hard it is, though.
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twizzlers1




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 7:27 am
We never went away with babies It was just way too hard and not worth it. I mean occasionally I would go visit my parents which was a flight away so we would stay for a week and the child will get used to it but we never want just for one night totally not worth it.
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Sarah S




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 7:30 am
What always worked for me was to take along the carriage and put the baby to sleep in that. They feel safe in the tight quarters and it's familiar to them. And the plus side u can just rock them if they scream.
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Rutabaga




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:14 am
Can you start putting your baby to bed in your own home with a white noise machine and something to cuddle with? Then once she's used to those, bring them along with you when you go somewhere so she has something familiar and it won't all feel.so strange. Maybe try it out with a nap in a friend's house before going somewhere for Shabbos though.
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newima




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:20 am
I feel so much more comfortable hosting but I don't have much space... we dread going away so hard with a baby... off sleep schedule, Porta crib etc... but we go for kibud av v am
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amother




Mauve
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:22 am
I have certain kids that slept with me in my bed every time we slept out. It was a royal pain,and I never expected to sleep. We tried not to do it often, but we lived a couple hours from our parents.

We had a routine of one of us taking the baby for a very long walk before bed to induce deep sleep. Then carry the stroller carefully to my room. Then, after the first wakeup, in with me, or I walked the floor or lay on the floor next to them playing. And needed to nap the next afternoon at some point. And our relatives knew this was part of the deal if they wanted to have us.
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amother




Orange
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:27 am
It’s hard to go away with young children.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:30 am
Rutabaga wrote:
Can you start putting your baby to bed in your own home with a white noise machine and something to cuddle with? Then once she's used to those, bring them along with you when you go somewhere so she has something familiar and it won't all feel.so strange. Maybe try it out with a nap in a friend's house before going somewhere for Shabbos though.


I already do that... doesn't help.
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amother




OP
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:32 am
Sarah S wrote:
What always worked for me was to take along the carriage and put the baby to sleep in that. They feel safe in the tight quarters and it's familiar to them. And the plus side u can just rock them if they scream.


Problem is also she needs quiet and dark room to fall asleep, even in the stroller. It's not going to be quiet until let's say 10 pm. Her bedtime is 6:30-7. So from 7:30-10, she will be screaming from overtiredness. I will try to do that though- depending on the sleeping arrangements.
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imaima




 
 
 
 

Post Fri, Apr 16 2021, 8:32 am
Yes that's what's life is like. And you cannot even hope it would stop at two.

If it's too much hustle for you, then explain that you would rather stay at home. I missed a ton of events because of young kids.
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