Misinformation about wealthy/financially comfortable people

amother

Mint

Sun, May 09 2021, 12:09 am

We struggled for many years. We still have quite a bit of debt that we are still paying off. But we are now making enough where we were told that we can give tzedekah. I help my friends without them knowing. Or I go through someone else to get them the money. I mean it can't give them a ton of money because I'm not wealthy. But even then I want to help them as much as I can. Like before Pesach I was able to give them each a few thousand shekels. We just did some construction so I feel like I probably think why did you do this work and not help me when really I did but they have no idea. Like I said I know it wasn't a huge amount but compared to the fact that we were not surviving without family help a year ago this is pretty huge that we could now help others. I hope one day I'll be tested with a lot of wealth. I definitely have seen a big increase in our income once we started giving tzedekah. Like I said we really didn't have to 100% because we had so much debt but we were told that we would see a lot of bracha If we did. And we are able to put money towards our debt as well.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, May 09 2021, 4:05 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

...So don't answer questions on this thread if you don't like questions. Seriously.

I don’t understand. I specifically said it made sense on this thread. I was talking about real life people coming over to me.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, May 09 2021, 7:14 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Dhs grandfather was a millionaire. But the kids didn’t see a penny until his death. Now FIL has this huge inheritance and... you guessed it. We haven’t seen a penny of it. Dh inherited the grit, work ethic, and business sense but the money is all his own hard work.
I grew up on sales, hand-me-downs, and secondhand clothes but my mom always made sure we looked out together.
I don’t spend much time thinking about other peoples statuses.

You married into it that explains some of your perspective.

amother

Sun, May 09 2021, 7:24 am

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

You married into it that explains some of your perspective.

I didn’t marry into anything. FIL father was still alive when we got married which means he too didn’t have the worlds money at that point. Dh grew up on rationing chicken pieces at the shabbos table.

amother

Sun, May 09 2021, 7:39 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Do you think that people who are poor are lazy, that they could be financially independent like you if they just worked hard enough?

If you work, any kind of work, I respect that. It’s people who learn and rely on miracles that I don’t respect much.

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 7:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

If you work, any kind of work, I respect that. It’s people who learn and rely on miracles that I don’t respect much.

So you don't respect people who stay home like you, but are not financially well off?

amother

Sun, May 09 2021, 7:57 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

So you don't respect people who stay home like you, but are not financially well off?

Men who learn and rely on miracles. Do you know any women who learn as an occupation?

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 7:59 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Men who learn and rely on miracles. Do you know any women who learn as an occupation?

I was trying to clarify your response. No need to get snarky.

So you disrespect men who learn all day who are not rich? What about their wives, do you disrespect their wives?

amother

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:02 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

I was trying to clarify your response. No need to get snarky.

So you disrespect men who learn all day who are not rich? What about their wives, do you disrespect their wives?

You asked about poor, not about not rich. Please don’t take apart my responses.
I think it’s more like I can’t really feel bad for them if they’re doing it to themselves.

doodlesmom

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:55 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

What she is trying to say, that since you weren’t always wealthy, and that you actually struggled in the past, your perspective is shaped this way.

Many times people who were always wealthy have a different outlook. Not always!

amother

Lime

Sun, May 09 2021, 8:58 am

amother [ Red ] wrote:

Do you think that people who are poor are lazy, that they could be financially independent like you if they just worked hard enough?

I never think people’s income is based on their effort. It’s Mazel.

That being said, if both couples aren’t working, and they are struggling, then I would suggest that one better get a job or source of income. ( while maybe helping them in the interim.)

amother

Brunette

Sun, May 09 2021, 9:01 am

We aren’t rich.

I work very hard. I work a full time job and work 2-3 side jobs and still can’t make ends meet.

I feel that the rich people I know value money above all else. What I do and how hard I work doesn’t matter because at the end of the day it doesn’t bring in much income.

I am pitiful in their eyes.

amother

Burgundy

Sun, May 09 2021, 9:06 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You asked about poor, not about not rich. Please don’t take apart my responses.
I think it’s more like I can’t really feel bad for them if they’re doing it to themselves.

I also feel like this. But on the other hand some people lack the emotinal strength, motivation, foresight, self esteem and just plain seichel to realize that they can or should do something to get out of their circumstances. Also some don't mind being on the receiving end or being poor because it allows them to have what they want when they want (not work and have many kids). I tell myself I need to thank hashem he gives me ideas and opportunity to make money it's all from him. He gave us the foresight and opportunity. I try to give money to people who are trying but can't make ends meet or people in difficult situations that cause them not to be able to work. But I have learned (it as s hard) that it is also a mitzvah to help those who are living on a nice standard (in debt of course) because it's unfortunate for them that they can't figure out thier life.

small bean

Sun, May 09 2021, 9:09 am

I'm comfortable BH and I do judge people's choices.

I have a friend who can't finish the month in the black. She sometimes doesn't have money to pay for gas or food. So when I see her buy things or spend money on what I determine stupidities. I do judge.

I know it's mean and wrong but I still do it. At least I get points for honesty.

amother

Honeydew

Sun, May 09 2021, 10:01 am

small bean wrote:

Same. I work really hard at my job and budget carefully. Technically we are comfortable (not yet wealthy, but working towards building wealth by investing) when I watch my friends squander their money by going out to eat every night, expensive car leases or crazy vacations I judge them. I wish I didn't but I can't help it. Then they wonder how we bought a house so quickly and I have to bite my tongue to not teach them about budgeting/saving.

amother

Red

Sun, May 09 2021, 10:50 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

You asked about poor, not about not rich. Please don’t take apart my responses.
I think it’s more like I can’t really feel bad for them if they’re doing it to themselves.

So you disrespect people who are poor and still are moser nefesh to learn? What about their wives?
I'm not taking apart your responses, I'm simply trying to understand. (And even if I were, do you think you're entitled to your response not being taken apart?)

amother

Brunette

Sun, May 09 2021, 11:02 am

So, basically, rather than clearing up misconceptions, this thread is confirming that rich, successful people look down on people who are poorer and credit their own hard work and good decision making for their success.

amother

Lime

Sun, May 09 2021, 11:06 am

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

Chas vshalom, any hard worker will be very respected, no matter what...

amother

Lime

Sun, May 09 2021, 11:09 am

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

No, this thread showed that not all wealthy, or financially comfortable people have the same values.
Also that, in general people respect hard working pple vs. those who rely on others.