the scariest thing... (leaving children in car alone)

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The scariest thing... (leaving children in car alone)

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mama-star

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:10 pm

I was walking out of the local heimishe store today, and I noticed a woman walking in. as I was heading to the parking lot I saw a car locked but running, and noticed a child alone on the front seat. as I got closer to the car I saw a crying baby in the back.

I made the connection that these children belonged to that woman, and stood by the car so they wouldn't be left alone. the baby was really crying hard. I tapped on the glass and asked the boy if he needed help with the baby, which he declined.

so me, being big and pregnant and not being able to just stand around, I sat down on the curb by the car and just waited. a few minutes later the boy opened the door and asked if I WOULD help with the baby. he opened the door and I took the baby out of the car seat, holding him and calming him down (I also got a few good greps out of him).

I told the boy that I appreciated that he opened the door for me, that I knew I was a stranger but I was a jewish mommy just like his mommy is. even as I said that, I felt totally weird, because I didn't want to give him the impression that it was okay to get involved with strangers b'chlal. on the other hand, I felt his mother left him in a very bad situation and I felt relieved that he asked for my help.

anyway, the mother finally came out of the store, about 10 minutes later. I could see she was startled to see a strange woman holding her baby and that her son was out of the car. I didn't want to "give her a tough time" in front of her kids, so I told her as nicely as I could that what she just did was very unsafe. she said, "well, I wouldn't do it in front of the regular supermarket," (as if that means the heimishe store parking lot is somewhat safer. meanwhile, the heimishe store is in a shopping plaza with non jewish stores. and even if it wasn't, you just don't do that!!). so I explained to her that things can happen in just one second. I mean, not only did she leave her kids in the car, but the keys were in the ignition!! she finally conceded that I was right.

I drove away feeling so shaken and sick. I mean, thank G-d it was a concerned jewish mother who found her car. I shudder to think what could have happened otherwise.

amother

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:14 pm

DON'T LEAVE CHILDREN ALONE IN THE CAR...

the fact that she left keys in the ignition and the car running seems like true neglect...while I am certainly not into mesira this may have been a case where it was warrented.

stargazer

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:16 pm

I really applaud you for taking action and not just walking away because "its not my problem." We need more people like that Thumbs Up

Maya

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:19 pm

It's definitely a crazy thing to do.

But I wonder what age the older child was. Sometimes, mothers overestimate the ability of certain age children to take care of the younger ones. Maybe this mother thought that her kid is mature/responsible/old enough to watch the baby, and therefore left him?

But regarding the car, which anyone could've driven away with, that was neglect and the woman wasn't thinking.

morahaviva

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:20 pm

You should have called the police - do you know how many kids die each year from being left in cars? Frum ones too!!!

Hannah!

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 6:50 pm

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Last edited by Hannah! on Sun, May 04 2008, 5:23 pm; edited 1 time in total

ss321

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 7:58 pm

what you did is truly laudable. I wish more people would act so selflessly.

If I were in that situation, I wouldve called the police. like the last poster said, the only logical reason any sane person would leave their young child + baby alone in a running car is if there were indeed some sort of emergency and she ran in to find a phone. So im sure police help would be warranted. and if not, maybe seeing the police there would scare her enough (and perhaps cost her enough monetarily and time wise as well - I hpe you get a hefty ticket for such an offense), and would be embarassing enough, that shed never do something so dangerous ever again.

OMG

your story left me w/ my mouth open

mama-star

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 8:23 pm

hi,

just to clarify some of the details of the story, the child in the front seemed to be about 8 years old. so while an 8 year old is technically not so little, it's still too young to be put in that situation. I was told the baby was 7 months.

to the mothers who said they would call the police, I suppose I could have, but I'm sure that would have made everything so much worse. likely they would have arrested her. my sincerest wish is that this mother learned from her mistake, and that she doesn't do it again.

as to the mothers who gave me hakaras hatov, thank you. while I DO appreciate your words, the truth is, wouldn't ANY OF US have done the exact same thing? I truly felt those children were in danger, so I did what I could to keep them from harm. I truly think any one of us would have done the same thing, under the circumstances.

yo'ma

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 8:37 pm

B"h, for the mother and kids that you were there and not a different type of stranger. You hear all these stories, but pple still don't learn. I'm a little nuts, I don't let my 9 yr old down the block by herself. My kids know that they can't cross the street by themselves until they're 15 and drive a car till 25.

Hannah!

Tue, Mar 18 2008, 9:48 pm

edit

Last edited by Hannah! on Sun, May 04 2008, 5:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

pinkbubbles

Wed, Mar 19 2008, 2:03 pm

OMG saw the same thing today, at least the children weren't crying- but it was like shock

mumoo

Thu, Mar 20 2008, 1:09 am

the child needed to ask for help to calm the crying baby. no matter he is 8 years old. he didn't feel equipped to handle the situation.

I came across this also in a general grocery parking lot. a toddler and an infant, both sleeping in the locked, running car. I had a sleeping baby as well so I waited outside watching both cars, but no one came out. I cell phoned the store manager and told him he needed to find the mother because I had to leave to drive a carpool.

I guess he couldn't find her, because he came out himself to wait and watch for her. I never found out what happened. I even called the store later, but no one there knew.

morahaviva

Thu, Mar 20 2008, 1:18 am

In many situations people are afraid to call the police in a situation that warrants it because of the inyan of moser. Which is not to say that just because the police are called a person is going to jail.
The American penal system is not what it was in Europe, a person can be searched by a member of their own gender, get kosher food in jail, etc. Prisoners have many rights. It is a question if today, in the US, it is considred moser.

manhattanmom

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 9:05 pm

Unfortunately your story is not the first one I've heard like this within the frum community though most of them not so extreme as leaving them in a car with the car running...I've heard of people leaving babies in strollers outside of stores in Boro Park or alone in a store while loading up the car or while on line to pay...
Luckily, I haven't seen this firsthand. I can't imagine what I'd do!

proud_mama

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 9:55 pm

I go to shop in Boro Park a few times a year. Everytime, I see numerous strollers either right outside a store on one of the avenues, or right inside the store in the front. I dont know what is up with people in Boro Park that they feel like that is safe. Boro Park is not any safer because it has so many frum Jews living there. Its just a false sense of security.
Everytime I see these strollers with kids in them alone right at the entrance to the store, or even in the store, I have to supress my urge to take one stroller and walk away with it for a few minutes to give the mother the scare, so hopefully she will never do such an irresponsible thing again.
Why is this only in Boro Park? I never see this in any other frum neighborhood. Not in Flatbush or Lakewood, or even Monsey.
When will mothers learn how to act responsibly?
I am sorry I am getting so heated up here, but whenever I see these things, my blood boils. I am the type of mother that trys not let my kids out of my sight for a minute. I am the paranoid type. So these things get me crazy.

Tehilla

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 10:00 pm

I had this not long ago on one of the colder days of winter. the car was off and there were three children in the car. I waited over ten minutes next to the car and tried very nicely to tell the mother the dangers involved.
she wasn't so interested, which was very sad.

btw, if the police see this situation it is automatic filed report to social services I believe.

Frumom

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 10:07 pm

These stories are so shocking.

Hannah!

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 10:10 pm

edit

Last edited by Hannah! on Sun, May 04 2008, 11:57 am; edited 1 time in total

louche

Wed, Apr 02 2008, 10:11 pm

proud_mama wrote:

Everytime I see these strollers with kids in them alone right at the entrance to the store, or even in the store, I have to supress my urge to take one stroller and walk away with it for a few minutes to give the mother the scare, so hopefully she will never do such an irresponsible thing again.

Me, too! the only reason I don't is that with my luck I'd get arrested for attempted kidnapping.

GAMZu

Thu, Apr 03 2008, 3:10 am

proud_mama wrote:

We had a thread about this very topic when I was a new member. I was about to fall off my chair when I read some posters (amother, of course) defending the mothers' rights to leave babies outside stores.
I mean, what's gonna happen, right? This is a happy world, without perverts on the lookout to kidnap kids.
My favorite line was... "Give the mothers a break, they work so hard, why can't you fargin this to them?"
Yeah.... Rolling Eyes

And I don't work hard... or maybe they work so hard, they hope the source of their hard work will disappear if they leave it alone long enough?

The main source of the problem is all the side by side double strollers not allowing a/o to enter the store aisles. That's why only tandem was an option for me.
But that's not the full problem. I've seen parents leave single strollers, too, and in stores like The Children's Place which is roomy!
3 friends once came in and parked their strollers next to the guard and went happily on. The guard ran after them to tell them to take their kids. They were so embarrassed, and rightfully so.

I have seen a toddler of SOMEONE I KNOW climb from his stroller and run out the store. Noticed and retrieved by strangers. Store personell spent 5 minutes looking for the mother, because she was too busy looking at cute clothes to hear, "Whose child is this??!!??!!"
Until I looked and recognized him and helped them find the mother. Mad

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