How do you manage without any time to yourself until 9 pm???

amother

Babyblue

Thu, May 27 2021, 9:17 am

It's hard!
I now live in a development where my kids have lots of friends.
It's so much easier in a way because they dont rely on me for constant entertainment.

Also, I find when my kids are up early in the morn that is the hardest!! That is the time when I can get some stuff done and get myself ready.
the past few morning my kids slept until after 8. It made such a different to my whole day!!

Otherwise, I really need to prep everything the night before even though I am beyond exhausted to make the morning routine go smoother.

Some days I am ready to call it quits and other days are easier.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 27 2021, 3:09 pm

amother [ Black ] wrote:

I seriously think our nisoyan in this generation is that women need to work. I don’t think our mothers felt this way cuz NOONE worked!!! I feel u OP. Same boat. And I keep thinking this is crazy this is not what the kessuba says. Our only job is to be home take care of our
House and kids. But today’s days most women can’t. It’s seriously a curse. I hope we kim up (for a lack of better words) with it! Hugs!

No one worked? Maybe not a job outside the home but you BET they worked extremely hard at home. Do you think your grandmother and great grandmother had a dishwasher washing machine and a dryer? An electric iron? Ready koshered chicken on the supermarket? Pampers? Baby formula? Baby wipes? I could continue with the list

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 27 2021, 3:19 pm

amother [ Babypink ] wrote:

My mother worked
My grandmother worked
My great-grandmother worked

Even before that, I don't know if they worked but they had to walk to the river to wash their clothes and clean their own chickens. I doubt they had extra time on their hands.

They didn't have it. The concert of "me time" is a modern thing. Granny and great granny didn't have it and didn't even expect it.

Bnei Berak 10

Thu, May 27 2021, 3:30 pm

Families were smaller. Even very big Rabbis usually didn't have double digital families.
They didn't have therapy for kids. Extra curricular most people didn't have for their kids
No carpools and no driving to basket ball and G-d knows what.
Every generation has it's own nisayon but if you have a large family baruch hashem with all the and mentioned stuff and work outside the home "me time" simply is not in the dictionary for quite some time.

amother

Tan

Thu, May 27 2021, 5:12 pm

I think the reason working mothers feel so much more stressed than our great bubbies who worked much harder at home has less to do with the physical workload and more with the emotional toll of trying to please a boss whose expectations may be in direct conflict with the family's needs. That feeling of being pulled in two directions and never doing quite well at either is what I think creates the need to just be left alone

amother

Powderblue

Thu, May 27 2021, 5:34 pm

The most nerve wracking thing about not getting “me time” is that my husband decided his banning himself from responsibilities. So while he goes hikes, excercise and chills with friends I’m slogging my head off to keep the house functional.

I sometimes wake up early like 3 or 4 am (Unintentionally) ) bc I need so me time. Watch a show. Organize something small in the house etc. But then I regret the exhaustion the next day.

amother

Goldenrod

Thu, May 27 2021, 9:24 pm

I don’t work and “only” have two kids. I’ve been up with them since 6:30 and only now sat down for the first time. I don’t know how people work and manage with more kids. I don’t know why I’m so busy all the time. Life isn’t easy...

DVOM

Thu, May 27 2021, 9:51 pm

It gets easier, OP! Kids grow up!

I have 4 kids, 6-13 years old. They are so independent! The make their own breakfast and clear up when they're done. They get themselves dressed, make their beds, pack their knapsacks. Definitely wiping their own tushys☺️. Right now I'm in bed. My husband had to work late. My 13 year old just got home from Maariv and is making grilled chicken for Shabbos, my 10 year old is baking a cake. 6 and 8 gave themselves baths, put their clothes in the hamper, dressed themselves in PJs, and are now both in bed. All is calm.

Your at such a difficult stage with 2 little ones. Give it some time! It gets so much easier!

amother

Lawngreen

Thu, May 27 2021, 10:41 pm

yes dvom kids get more independent but for me there's something about having my kids sleeping. knowing that nobody is going to have a question or want to talk to me... maybe it's different because my oldest is a girl or maybe I just need more space Wink

Cookie Monster

Thu, May 27 2021, 10:41 pm

DVOM wrote:

Sorry for derailing, Mazel tov to the Bar mitzvah!

amother

Olive

Thu, May 27 2021, 11:35 pm

DVOM wrote:

my 4 kids are the exact ages, but 2 of my kids need constant redirecting and help with hw/studying and it takes them the entire evening with me/or/and dh just to get everything done. I thought it was so easy"" until my challenging kids were born...I also need be the tutor in the evening for my 6 yr old to be able to read bec they need a lot of practice so this is what I do after a full day of work...im exhausted...

amother

Honeydew

Fri, May 28 2021, 9:57 am

By the time I put my younger kids to bed by 8 PM I am exhausted. There's usually at least a couple of excuses to come out of bed so I hang out in my room on my phone for a bit to deal with that. Often I'm so tired I end up falling asleep before I can get back up and go downstairs to take care of laundry and packing lunches and whatever else needs doing. Then I wake up at like 1 AM feeling refreshed and get up and do a lot then when the house is quiet. I'll even spend some extra time reading or watching a show while waiting to turn over a load and then I go back to bed for a few more hours and I'm able to get up at 7 with my older kids.

amother

Jade

Fri, May 28 2021, 10:04 am

I tell my kids they’re not entitled to me after 8pm. That’s my time. If they need help with something, I’ll give them a few minutes but I need time to myself to function.