Aren't you happy? (warning, a bit long)

gryp

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 3:32 pm

ChossidMom wrote:

mimivan wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

EXCUSE THE CAPS BUT MY KEYBOARD SCREWED UP.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I MIGHT HAVE TO BECOME LUBAVITCH. YOU GUYS HAVE SO MUCH FUN !!! OR AT LEAST THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE IT SOUND...

You don't have to become Lubavitch to come to a Lubavitch farbrengan...Maybe you can join us in Yirushalaim for one?

I'D LOVE TO! BUT DO I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU KNOW WHO IS YOU KNOW WHAT?

LOL, Chossidmom, you really had me laughing there especially with your caps on. I had no idea what you were referring to.

Now that I finally got it, I've been pondering since you and Newsie posted why others think we have so much fun. I really don't know what to say to that, because I have no idea why or how my daily life is much different than anybody else's. Can anyone shed any light on that?

Yes, I'm proud to be who I am, I love my life, and I think I'm incredibly lucky to be me, but how is that any different than anyone else? Confused

gryp

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 3:40 pm

Absolutely. We all need charging and recharging. And we need to keep ourselves close to the source of inspiration.

There is nothing to me more inspiring than doing Mivtzoim, learning Chassidus, teaching Yiddishkeit, and farbrenging. And being in 770 and going to the Ohel. I seriously get high from it.

freidasima

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 4:16 pm

From what you write here I can truly understand why you feel the way you do about Lubavitch. There is a role for women, you really DO feel recharged and part of it and the Rebbe was a very smart man (am I allowed to say that?) to know and realize it. And create a special place for women.

As for the rest of us...well we will just have to get our recharging elsewhere...

Tehilla

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 4:32 pm

Quote:

As for the rest of us...well we will just have to get our recharging elsewhere...

why? you can also reach out to yidden in so many different ways. you can pick up a sefer and learn a little, get together with a friend for a farbrengen. these things are NOT limited to Lubavitch at all!! each of us has a special place and a special mission.

grin

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 6:09 pm

mivtza'im is also in no way limited to Lubav's. Even Ger have started in, so why not you? and it's a big recharger, not far away from your own home - giving out shabbos candles at the supermarket, inviting guests less religious than ourselves to your shabbos table, even giving a class if you're qualified - these make me feel fortunate and good about myself.

We're an equal opportunities organization!

amother

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 8:56 pm

OP, I've felt like you do, and a lot of my friends have felt that way as well.

What helped me was deciding to stop putting everybody else's needs before my own. So now, I make sure to plan something for Shabbos & YT that I'll enjoy, that's just for myself. I'll arrange for a friend to come over, or plan to go for a stroll with a friend, or go to a shiur, or buy a new book to read--whatever. I plan exactly when I'll be having my "me time," and I let my family know about it in advance.

I've found I enjoy Shabbos/YT so much more now, and don't drag around feeling resentful.

Of course, if you want to go crazy on Purim, that isn't so easy to arrange. But still, you can make sure you have "you time," and it should help.

It's easy for our families to take us for granted. When we're clear and unapologetic about needing time for ourselves, they tend to respect us more, and be more aware of all the "behind-the-scenes" work we do (at least that's true of my friends and me). I think for my husband, when I started doing this, it was the first time he had realized that shopping/cooking/serving/cleaning might not be all I needed in order to feel happy.

Crayon210

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 9:04 pm

Ruchel wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

mimivan wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

EXCUSE THE CAPS BUT MY KEYBOARD SCREWED UP.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I MIGHT HAVE TO BECOME LUBAVITCH. YOU GUYS HAVE SO MUCH FUN !!! OR AT LEAST THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE IT SOUND...

You don't have to become Lubavitch to come to a Lubavitch farbrengan...Maybe you can join us in Yirushalaim for one?

I'D LOVE TO! BUT DO I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU KNOW WHO IS YOU KNOW WHAT?

not in my experience
but you have to like the stories and don't say when you don't believe them or when you're bored

I think that's just common decency.

shock

amother

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 9:06 pm

amother wrote:

OP here
I think that is a wonderful suggestion as I love to read...and once spring truly arrives look forward to shmoozing with friends.

As for crazy on Purim...well, it is my father's yahrtzeit, so for me making the seuda is really important and that tends to make it a little crazier. At least for the I know it is my own mishugas.

cdawnr

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 9:09 pm

grin wrote:

When I lived in Portland Oregon last year we we able to have a "Kiruv Table" almost every week...and I loved it. It helped keep me more spiritually atuned. Now we live in the heart of the Yeshivish community in Montreal... and it is much harder to find non frum guests to come, and also there is more competition to have them .

CASSANDRA:

I totally hear you on the "how to do it with young kids!"

chocolate moose

Mon, Mar 24 2008, 9:27 pm

cassandra wrote:

Before I had kids I davened with a minyan three times a day and had time to learn too. I find it very hard to daven in my house, and I don't have the time and energy I need to learn in a real way.

I do learn with a friend once a week, and that is always enjoyable.

preachin' to the choir.

grin

Tue, Mar 25 2008, 1:42 am

cdawnr wrote:

grin wrote:

is your supermarket also frum? is there a mall nearby?
or contact http://jnet.org/ - they're always looking for once-a-wk phone chevrusos.

freidasima

Tue, Mar 25 2008, 3:19 am

Here's a problem.
What about those of us who aren't looking to be more spiritual, just a bit more rested on yuntif and shabbos and not taken for granted as the cook/maid/cleaner etc? Not that we are "taken for granted" if we make a point about it, dh and kids will always tell people like us that we are great etc.
But deep down we know that we are the wheels, the grease and the gasoline that runs it all, and they know it too and it is "our job" in the scheme of things.
And as much as dh works hard, in most of our cases our "physical" labor is harder. They don't stand on their feet in the kitchen two hours a day after a full days work and then make sponja in the kitchen and bathroom every nite at 11 PM, they don't spend physical hours climbing ladders to do windows and take things down from closets and scrub toilets and bathtubs (usually) after a full days work, we do. They go and learn or help a bit with the kids. Or shop.
That's a lot less physical labor than a wife/mother who both has a full time job and no household help from outside. And cooks on her feet, cleans and...does laundry, hangs folds, is in charge of smooth kitchen running etc...and often taking care of elderly relatives (both yours and dhs) etc.
Some of these women are looking for spiritual mivtzoim.Others, just looking as the men dancing and singing in shul and remembering what work is left for them at home...are just TIRED

I like the idea of scheduling something positive for onesself on shabbos and yuntif. That's positive for those of us who can't see ourselves having the strength or desire for a fabreng, mivtoim or even opening a sefer.

grin

Tue, Mar 25 2008, 3:22 am

freidasima wrote:

Here's a problem.
What about those of us who aren't looking to be more spiritual.
...
That's positive for those of us who can't see ourselves having the strength or desire for a fabreng, mivtoim or even opening a sefer.

but you're missing the point - mivtzoim and farbrengs are fun - for the nefesh behamis also!! and unhappiness is a sign of hunger of the nefesh elokis as well.

HindaRochel

Tue, Mar 25 2008, 4:11 am

freidasima wrote:

And as much as dh works hard, in most of our cases our "physical" labor is harder. They don't stand on their feet in the kitchen two hours a day after a full days work and then make sponja in the kitchen and bathroom every nite at 11 PM, they don't spend physical hours climbing ladders to do windows and take things down from closets and scrub toilets and bathtubs (usually) after a full days work, we do. They go and learn or help a bit with the kids. Or shop..

Um, I work from home. It doesn't take me two hours a day to cook for dinner, maybe for Shabbat. I don't sponga the floor every night, not the kitchen or the bathroom, but when I spongaed the whole house everyday it only took me a 1/2 hr. I use to also clean the bathrooms then.

Scrubbing the toilet takes maybe five minutes...usually after I'm, how shall I put this? done. And the sinks take no more than five minutes as well... Tub, maybe ten fifteen if I've been using it to clean fridge parts maybe a bit longer.

Maybe you are overdoing it a bit?

I must admit those things that make others go squirmy don't bother me. Unmade beds are not the ruination of my day. I generally don't bother. Yeah they make the room pretty, but I'm generally not in the bedroom except when I'm going to sleep. And I don't bring guests in there... so who cares? If I'm planning on bringing in guests then I'll make the bed.

dh helps with the laundry.
I've another friend whose husband is a doctor who cleans the bathroom.

Anyway, maybe you'd be less tired if you relaxed a bit. Made simpler meals, overlooked some minor messes etc.

Ruchel

Tue, Mar 25 2008, 9:12 am

Crayon210 wrote:

Ruchel wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

mimivan wrote:

ChossidMom wrote:

EXCUSE THE CAPS BUT MY KEYBOARD SCREWED UP.

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I MIGHT HAVE TO BECOME LUBAVITCH. YOU GUYS HAVE SO MUCH FUN !!! OR AT LEAST THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE IT SOUND...

You don't have to become Lubavitch to come to a Lubavitch farbrengan...Maybe you can join us in Yirushalaim for one?

I'D LOVE TO! BUT DO I HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOU KNOW WHO IS YOU KNOW WHAT?

not in my experience
but you have to like the stories and don't say when you don't believe them or when you're bored

I think that's just common decency.

shock

of course.
But in other events they rarely talk about their rabbanim a LOT, especially for a women event. And I'm not familiar with other derechim showing videos and so on..