Would you switch schools because of bullying?

amother

Stoneblue

Sat, Oct 02 2021, 10:03 pm

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

One of my sons was bullied in daycamp, and as soon as he reported it to me I went with him to daycamp the following day, asked him to point out the bully to me, and I walked over to that boy and had a talk with him, not harsh, not threatening. It worked, he stopped bullying my son.

I would not recommend that approach as it can definitely backfire. The kid can call your son a tattletale and the boys can join in. How old is your son?

amother

Red

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 12:00 am

amother [ Mauve ] wrote:

A child who's bullied , without effective intervention, cannot learn. The brain needs a neuroception of safety, and if he's bullied he's likely feeling unsafe in that building.

Did you ever watch the twin towers collapse? That's what happens inside a child who's being bullied over a period of time. They gradually go down down down until they either kill themselves or kill someone else.

I say, switch schools.

So true. Not all get to such an extreme point as you describe but it can definitely happen. My brother was bullied mercilessly as a child at school and developed severe social anxiety and paranoia. He committed suicide two years ago.

Since you really don’t know what might happen in the future, you should treat the situation as pikuach nefesh.

amother

Lotus

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 12:17 am

I wish my parents had switched me out because of bullying. They sent me to a therapist (I wasn't interested and therapy wasn't helpful). They talked about switching me but ended up deciding not to on advice of someone who told them it wouldn't fix anything. At that point I was already sold on the idea of switching schools and had told someone (the 1 semi-friend that I actually had there) that I was going to - and when it didn't happen that person decided that I was a liar and then I had no one. School was so lonely and miserable... Looking back, I'm surprised that I didn't drop out and simply refuse to go.

As a mom, I'm always looking out for bullying issues. When they come up, I tell my kids to be aggressive and do back at least as hard to the bully as is done to them - and that solved it every time BHBHBH. But if my child wasn't able to or it wasn't enough, the teachers and school weren't trying to do anything about it, and switching was an option, I would do that.

amother

Lemonlime

Sun, Oct 03 2021, 12:58 am

I agree with the others who say besides for switching to another school, address the issue so that ur child is not perceived as " weak" in the new school.

A few ideas besides for having your child work with a therapist or social worker.

1) have your child take karate/other type of class like this to help your child feel empowered.

2) I know many ppl disagree with what ill write next, but some rabbis even said this:

teach your child to defend him/herself even if it means fighting back....im sorry to say this but many bullies will only pick on ones who dont fight back and will stop wen the victim fights back...my first sons teacher called me only wen she saw my son fighting back and I told her my son had no choice because they always bullied him and nothing was done

my second son has a kid in his class who started bullying him from the first day, but this son pinched the bully. After that the bully only made faces at my son or called him names(my son doesnt know how to speak well/express himself). The teacher complained to me about my son pinching, and I told her the bully started up with my son, and my son defended himself.

Unfortunately, bullying is a big big...problem in all schools, private and public. Nobody knows how to handle bullies and what to do with them. My friend who works in public school says they claim they are against bullying, but the public schools have the same problem

because if a school cant kick out a kid due to being a bully then what else can the school do besides speaking to the bully/bully's parents/having bully speak to social worker etc..

a few yrs ago a victim got so angry at his bully that the victim killed the bully when in school and now is in jail for that.

I feel so bad for your child who is being bullied..in my son's case, the bully is our rabbi's brother's son(but we dont discuss this with our rabbi), but many bullies' parents dont know how to stop their children from being bullies.

I am so sorry your child is going through this.
hatzlacha.

imamommy5

Mon, Oct 04 2021, 6:04 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

There are a group of boys who have been picking on my 5th grade son for a long time and it's breaking him. The principal and school counselor haven't been helpful and they seem to want to ignore the issues.

I want to switch DS to another school but how can I be sure that things will be better?

you cant be sure about the bullying. But at least the adults will do their job and protect him