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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:26 am
Yes I love my baby and all my kids to pieces bh.
But my baby is so hard! There I said it.
I feel like a failure because a bunch of ppl around me all had babies around the same time. Their babies just eat and sleep and freaken suck on the paci in peaceful contentment. My baby needs to be swaddled, screams bloody murder when I try the paci and needs to nurse ALL DAY.
I'm going out of my mind. Why can't baby just stay down sleeping for a chunk of time???
This is far from my first and I feel like a failure.

Please only be kind. Please.
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TravelHearter




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:33 am
It’s very possible your baby has colic. One of my kids did and was screaming for the first few months of her life. Even if it’s not colic, please don’t worry about other people’s babies! It’s so normal and every baby is different!
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amother




Milk
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:40 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Yes I love my baby and all my kids to pieces bh.
But my baby is so hard! There I said it.
I feel like a failure because a bunch of ppl around me all had babies around the same time. Their babies just eat and sleep and freaken suck on the paci in peaceful contentment. My baby needs to be swaddled, screams bloody murder when I try the paci and needs to nurse ALL DAY.
I'm going out of my mind. Why can't baby just stay down sleeping for a chunk of time???
This is far from my first and I feel like a failure.

Please only be kind. Please.


If it's not your first, then deep down you know that it's not you, it's the baby. And it's not a "bad" baby it's just not an easy baby.

I'll repeat, It's not you it's the baby!

My most difficult baby became my most easy child from age 3 on. Be optimism!
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s1




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 4:42 am
If your older kids are dressed and fed , your baby is fed and cleanish, there’s no mouldy food in the fridge and you can walk round the house without tripping over too many things, then YOU ARE A SUCCESS!! Please don’t judge yourself by other people. Everyone has different stuff going on, babies with different temperaments and everyone copes in different ways. Cut yourself some slack, go for a walk and buy yourself a Rosh Chodesh treat because you are amazing.

PS if your baby screams a lot, it could be he has some allergy/intolerance to what he/you are eating
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amother




Seablue
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 5:07 am
As someone who's going through the same thing, thank you for posting! I'm with you all the way! Newborns are HARD! You are amazing and we'll get through this!
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Rabbit613




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 5:45 am
It has nothing to do with you and your mothering skills. Please don't feel bad about yourself. Babies are born with different temperaments and needs. I've had a super easy baby that almost never cried and I've also had a screamer that would only ne calm when he was fed. It's so hard to function with a hard baby. Be nice to yourself. Maybe get a babysitter once in a while in order to relax. A relaxed mother can tolerate a babies screams much more.
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motherfrmisrael




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 6:14 am
if you have a hard baby, then you are a better mom. You are working much harder taking care of your baby then people with easy babies. Nursing all day, holding him constantly, waking up at night... it's hard! You are a hero!

I know you weren't asking for advise, so you can ignore this part if you want. What I found is that many hard babies are suffering. Try changing your diet, or switching to a sensitive formula. It's a life changer.
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imasinger




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 7:20 am
Another vote for checking out allergies/changing your diet or baby's formula.

And lots of hugs. Dealing with constant crying is murder on the nerves.
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FranticFrummie




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 7:38 am
DD screamed bloody murder for the first 4 months of her life. She was a terrible nurser, allergic to almost every formula on the planet, and seemed to never sleep.

I spent every night pacing up and down the floor with her. She wouldn't let me sit down. She wouldn't even let me stop walking. If I did, she started screaming again.

I repeated to myself over and over again "I love this baby. I davened for this baby. If the baby went away I would be sad." This was the only thing that helped me keep my sanity.

Once we could get her on some solid food, the colic disappeared. It felt like overnight I got a whole new child, bright and sunny and happy all the time. She started sleeping 6 hours at night, plus 3 more after a quick feed.

Hang in there, it gets better!
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tweety1




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 8:01 am
I dunno how old your baby is but maybe try gripe water. When my baby was 6 weeks old up untill approx 4-5 months old I used it. It saved my sanity. Buy it at any pharmacy.
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Iymnok




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 8:06 am
Cranial sacral has helped a few of my friends babies.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 8:20 am
Thanks to those of u who validated! Heart
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amother




Bone
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:33 am
Newborns are SO HARD. I am pregnant now and so terrified for that stage.

That said, I didnt want to be the one to suggest it but I will echo the posters who said to try a sensitive formula. One of my children screamed for 3 weeks straight and literally calmed instantly after 1 formula feeding. I don't know if it was because the nursing wasnt filling him up, or if it was something I was eating. All I know is that I switched to formula, he ate well and slept well, and peace reigned in our home Smile
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mizle10




 
 
 
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:49 am
Omg I thought I had babies figured out until my #5 came around. I could. Not. Get. Anything done with her. Add covid lockdown to that and erev pesach. I cried all day.
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amother




Indigo
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 10:56 am
I feel you, OP.
One of my babies was like this. It was so so difficult.
I want to offer to come over to hold your baby so you can have some respite but it's internet and I'm a stranger to you (ha but maybe irl we know each other).
My babies grew up and my hands are free....
Let me know if you want to accept my offer.
I'm happy to sign up with an org that would vet me.
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amother




OP
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 5:44 pm
amother [ Indigo ] wrote:
I feel you, OP.
One of my babies was like this. It was so so difficult.
I want to offer to come over to hold your baby so you can have some respite but it's internet and I'm a stranger to you (ha but maybe irl we know each other).
My babies grew up and my hands are free....
Let me know if you want to accept my offer.
I'm happy to sign up with an org that would vet me.


Aww. Thanks. This is so sweet. But I doubt we're near each other... I'm not in the US.
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amother




Sage
 

Post Thu, Jun 10 2021, 6:56 pm
OP, you're just fine.

I have double digit kids KAH. This last one totally threw me for a loop! I was back in first-time mom mode, this baby takes way more kochos than my other kids. Doesn't sleep, screams himself hoarse, it's been a real ride!

Thankfully as he nears his first birthday he is mellowing, but he's still quite the handful!

It's okay that a kid is hard. You still love them, and you know you'll get past it.
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amother




Garnet
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 3:45 am
It’s so so hard. Especially when you see people around you with easier babies getting so much done and looking sooo calm and relaxed!

I have Bh two adorable babies in a row that are both so difficult and it’s hard not to think what is wrong with me? Why am I the only one who’s husband can’t get out for shachris and I show up at work like a zombie? And I haven’t lost weight or bought new clothing or care about clothing for that matter.

But I knowwww it’s not me. It’s milk intolerance and colic and low muscle tone. And recurrent ear infections (check for that btw! My baby had one at 2 weeks old!)

I try and remember that this is the life hashem gave my baby and it should be a kappara for them and they should never have to cry over bigger things.

I’m still seriously traumatized and at this point keep telling my husband I can’t imagine ever having more kids (we have one if each but always wanted a big family) …but I try to breathe and deal with one day at a time.
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amother




Aubergine
 

Post Fri, Jun 11 2021, 2:05 pm
I had this my #5. I walked into the doctor's office and said I'm losing my sanity and she needs to help. It turned out my baby had silent reflux. A few days on meds, and she was a different child. We'd have a few days of screaming when she grew and we'd re-adjust dosage. It literally saved me.
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