Jealous of my friends beauty

amother

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 2:23 pm

amother [ Yellow ] wrote:

I think that your self-esteem and the health of your marriage come before this relationship, which doesn't seem to be healthy... It's interesting that she is really enjoying attention from other married frum men... I use the word interesting instead of lots of other words that could be used in that spot which are more negative.

I am just curious if she is married? You have not mentioned anything about her marriage not that it's any of our business

funny your asking. Never thought much about that
Shes actually in a very bland marriage. She has complained quite a lot what an underachiever her spouse is and I get where shes coming from. She has mentioned many times how impressed she is with dh how on the ball he is. I used to love the compliments and now it irks me. Coming to think of it my marriage is in a much better place. I better do something about it and not let it slip away just because of my insecurities. Thanks for that wake-up call!

amother

Winterberry

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 2:25 pm

amother [ Papayawhip ] wrote:

This is so beautiful. You really inspired me. I am average pretty but I know I can be charming/smart and my BILs talk to me all the time. I will make the effort as you do. You are so right. Also, I never knew winterberry was a color.

Thank you!
I've worked on myself a lot in this area.

I'm quite a drama queen around women but at work, I get the feeling the men think I'm boring... Lol

Better this way.

amother

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 2:46 pm

looking forward to check that movie. Thanks.

Was just going to write some more but then I realised I have given WAY TOO much details and some of you might identify her or I panicked that she might one day read this.

This thread has helped me clarify my thoughts and realise that im being a little too harsh of myself.

I had this feeling of distancing myself few times but then was afraid shell think its cos im scared dh is into her Can't Believe It

. How mad is this?

Now that I hear its not ok to flaunt about the attention your getting, I don't judge myself that much.

On the other hand, I dont think she tells others these stuff. With me its diff as we used to talk about these stuff back in high school. I was the first to share with her my boy crush stories Can't Believe It

. Being she had a complex of her looks she never had much to share.

Perhaps shes just doing this cos she knows with me its ok to talk like that.

Sorry for sounding so confusing.

Anyway thanks to all... hopefully ill work my way through this...

Any more input is much appreciated!!! Its the best therapy

amother

Mintgreen

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 2:51 pm

I didn't read all posts.

OP, in such a case I would try to remember that the friend didn't take away anything thing from you.

Also, I believe if you feel truly happy for her, and tell her over and over how happy you are for her, then you will feel less jealous. And your friend will appreciate you more than ever.

amother

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 2:52 pm

amother [ Mintgreen ] wrote:

will try this tip. ta

amother

Yellow

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 3:13 pm

It's so funny that you mentioned high school, because this thread totally brought me back to high school. Friends being more beautiful or hot, who the boys like to look at and talk to, trying to get male attention, going places with others so you look popular, gossiping about other people's husbands (at the time it was boyfriends), etc. Etc etc. This was exactly how it was for me and my friends and it was very insecure and shallow. Through the process of seminary, growing up, introspection, and realizing what true values are, in all honesty I did distance myself from most of my "close" friends in high school and I am trying to live a much more wholesome lifestyle with Torah values. I am still close with those who also grew spiritually and in maturity. I think it's very important to choose friends who will help you grow and who value what is truly meaningful and important in life.

If you can be a positive influence on her and she really does have proper values, and you are strong enough to not be brought down by her, it's a big thing to be able to continue the friendship. However, if it is a negative relationship that does not bring about positivity and true values, I would honestly distance myself from her for the sake of my own emotional health and the health of my marriage.

amother

Tomato

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 3:16 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm not a jealous wife at all. Even when a friend slipped up and made an accidental crack to my husband thought could have come across as flirting because I knew she didn't mean anything from it and that she was in a happy marriage. The same type of things that she likes about my husband, she likes about her husband as well. Saying that, I would not have this friend around my husband.

amother

Garnet

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 3:49 pm

amother [ Lightgray ] wrote:

I'm excited to find out who my real friends are post my upcoming surgery.

If you’re not gorgeous then it’s not relevant.
I think here it’s the super pretty part that’s been supposedly hidden by the weight

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Jun 18 2021, 4:38 pm

OP, I’m going to jump in here without having read all the responses. My feeling is that the original feelings are coming from your friend. After years of feeling inferior, she’s suddenly feeling superior in this area and this is reflecting on you.

She’ll need to come to a good, peaceful place with herself and then you’ll watch your negative feelings disappear.

I’m saying this since I’ve had similar. Not so extreme though. A good indication if I’m on the right track would be if you have other beautiful friends and you don’t have any of these disturbing thoughts around them.

amother

Sat, Jun 19 2021, 6:31 pm

amother [ Slateblue ] wrote:

EXACTLY!
I just thought about it over Shabbes. I was thinking about another close friend who's really beautiful. I never have any negative feelings towards her.
After writing this thread and sorting my thoughts out I realized my biggest hidden fear was she will think dh likes her or dh might secretly like her. Its my big insecurities I have especially about my looks with dh. Because she does mention stories of men it just highlights my fear. I'm happy on Friday she mentioned her sister so that helped me work it out.