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What does erev shabbos/yom tov look like in your house?
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Poll

What's erev shabbos like in your house on a scale of 1-5 ?
1 (Calm, on time, happy)  
 18%  [ 45 ]
2  
 22%  [ 54 ]
3 (somewhat in the middle)  
 37%  [ 90 ]
4  
 8%  [ 21 ]
5 (last minute lighting, chaotic, lots of tension/getting angry)  
 11%  [ 27 ]
Total Votes : 237


amother




OP
 

Post Sat, Jun 19 2021, 10:50 pm
Is it chaotic or calm? Is there a lot of yelling or tension? A lot of last minute stuff or are you pretty much organized?

How does it compare to how your parents were when you were younger? How did you feel about how they brought shabbos in? (Ex did you hate and try to do it differently now? Did you like it and do the same, or struggle to do it like them? Did it make you not enjoy shabbos?)

What's it like by your in-laws?
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amother




Gladiolus
 

Post Sat, Jun 19 2021, 10:53 pm
Me: middle.
I am organized and do as much as possible in advance. The hard part is entertaining three kids all afternoon while not letting the house get messy. I’m also pretty exhausted on Friday afternoons so don’t have the energy to take them out and then rush showers and baths when we get home.

At my parents it was stressful as Shabbos go closer. By me it’s the opposite: dh comes home , I feed the kids dinner and put the littles to bed, we make early Shabbos in peace.

at my in laws it was always relaxed- mil didn’t work and had all week to prepare. Dh is the youngest.
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amother




Snowdrop
 

Post Sat, Jun 19 2021, 10:55 pm
I aim to be calm but it doesn't always happen. I recently started giving my kids screen time after they are ready for shabbos and did their few jobs so its been pretty calm. I also aim to light candles early so I dont ever run late bh.
I have cleaning help Wednesday and bh keep.it mostly up till shabbos.
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amother




Forestgreen
 

Post Sat, Jun 19 2021, 11:06 pm
I work until 4 at home.
Dh walks in 10 minutes before mincha. Jumps in shower and runs out.
I gave 6 kids 14 and under.

BH very calm.
I have everything done Thursday night.
Early Friday morning before work I put up soup and cholent.
2 hours before Shabbos fresh food goes in oven.
I have cleaning help for 2 hours Friday morning.
My kids are given cleaning jobs age appropriate.
Table is set Thursday night.
No anger or crazyness.
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amother




Scarlet
 

Post Sat, Jun 19 2021, 11:07 pm
I am rushed and always last minute but not angry or too tense. I always cook everything (except challah) on erev, except if it is before a 3 day yom tov I try to start 1 night in advance. I don’t get stressed from the house not being in tip top shape, or not having time for another dip/ side dish, so I am not motivated to be a little more organized.

My mother cooks like me and I remember her getting more stressed out than I do 1/2 hr to Shabbos. Maybe when my kids get older I will feel the same....

My mother in law is super organized with lots of paid help. She always has lots of food-fresh and/or warmed from the freezer. It never feels rushed going in to Shabbos.
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amother




Dustypink
 

Post Sat, Jun 19 2021, 11:45 pm
Quote:
Me: middle.
I am organized and do as much as possible in advance. The hard part is entertaining three kids all afternoon while not letting the house get messy. I’m also pretty exhausted on Friday afternoons so don’t have the energy to take them out and then rush showers and baths when we get home.

This sounds very similar to me. I have all the cooking done Thursday. I'm home Friday and clean while my toddler is napping. The hardest part is from when the kids get home until Shabbos.
DH works until an hour before Shabbos, so isn't much help
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amother




Caramel
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 2:27 am
With only 1 dc, Fridays are very chilled. Dh recently started working a couple of hours on Fri so less help from him but either way, I do as much as possible Thurs night and Fri morning put up soup and do the rest.

My mom is superwomen and somehow always had everything ready thurs night with fresh challah out of the oven and soup put up for the whole night to simmer. We always went into shab calm and relaxed. Idk how she does it with a bunch of kids but I hope to be able to do the same one day!

My mil tho is a diff story. Till a min before shab when she jumps into the shower she’s still preparing food. And she wakes up late on fri and only then starts cooking. But at the same time she’s the type that would be happy to have a bunch of unexpected guests join. And is very chilled in that way. There’s pros and cons to being late or scheduled. I like the scheduled routine way more bc that’s my personality but that does mean it’s harder for me to be spontaneous esp with guests and last min things.

I love relaxed fridays. It’s the best feeling ever!
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amother




Melon
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 3:00 am
Us: Middle (3)

My in-laws are super-calm and organized and they usually light on time if not a few minutes late.

My parents' house was always horrible and chaotic, stressful and so much anger and guilt and we still always lit at minute 15 of the 18.

I'm not proud of the 3 but it is worlds better than I grew up with, and I'm proud of THAT.
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amother




Whitesmoke
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 3:09 am
Up until about a month ago I was only starting to cook on Friday and doing everything last minute and things were very hectic. I decided that I have time to start earlier in the week so it was really silly of me not to. Now I started doing things on Wednesday and Thursday and even freezing some things just for those couple of days if they need to be. And now we started going to the beach almost every Friday because I am ready on time.
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amother




Tealblue
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 5:23 am
Chaotic and frantic, but I try not to take it out on kids. We routinely make the Zman by the skin of our teeth, and there is always more that didn't get done that I wish I would have done. I try to have older kids take care of younger ones. Unfortunately, Shabbos mostly gets made after work on Friday (just like supper would during the week), and since I bh have a pretty flexible job, in the winter I can put food up before leaving in the morning.
I know I "should" do more Thursday, but when and how? Thursday is the same work, bedtime, supper, cleanup, bedtime, laundry, and baby as any other day. I am usually extra exhausted late in the week and cannot stay up even later than my daily responsibilities already force me to.
And my shabbosos are very basic. My older sons are starting to resent that.
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SwissAlps




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:01 am
By me, it depends on how much sleep I get Thursday night. If I am tired, I am going to feel a lot more stressed and work slower. Probably others would feel a bit of my stress as well. If I slept well, I work more efficiently and I am much more relaxed. I am always ready before or right at the start of the 18 minutes.

I guess I would put myself at 3?
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amother




Mimosa
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:28 am
A lot is going to depend on your stage in life, your family size/ages, your work schedule, whether or not you have paid help, and how much you make from scratch.
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DVOM




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 6:55 am
I'm at the end of a challenging pregnancy and we're at the end of some challenging home renovations, so I can't say erev shabbosim have been peaceful or calm. No anger or yelling or resentment, just an frantic all-out effort to get us pulled together before Shabbos comes in.

I cook mostly on Thursday. We've been buying a lot. The kids have clean up jobs. My husband usually takes the boys to the library while I put up any last minute food.

I remember my childhood home as being very calm and peaceful. My mom didn't work for must of my childhood, and usually seemed calm and put together on Fridays. We were allowed to watch TV for a lot of Friday, and I'm sure that helped too.
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amother




Chartreuse
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 8:10 am
Hard to read this
My parents house was stressful and tense on friday- my mother needed everything perfect and a lot of screaming
I work so hard that it shouldn't be stressful- I prepare everything on Thursday night. I cook challa and kugel on alternate Wednesdays and freeze. I have cleaning help Friday morning and give my kids very reasonable jobs. Im still stressed and tense every erev Shabbos 🤦‍♀️
Anyone have any ideas for me?
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amother




Poppy
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 8:14 am
It’s great for me because I don’t work on Fridays, so I have all day to cook and prepare. When the kids get home, they pitch in. Dh sometimrs barely makes it, especially in the winter. In summer it’s fine. For the most part, it’s pretty calm. There’s only 4 of us home unless my eldest decides to come up and join.
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#Happymom




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 8:36 am
I am NOT a last minute person. So I start making shabbos on Motze shabbos. by the time friday comes, I have nothing left to do:)Smile yes occasionally I will decide to bake something on friday but otherwise it's a regular day, it's relaxing in the shabbos area but it can still be hectic in the toddler area:)SmileSmileSmile but I'm also very easygoing about the state of the house, it is generally not spotless but bh I have toddlers! and some weeks sponga doesn't happen because dh works all day on friday but that's okay with us
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PinkFridge




 
 
 
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 8:43 am
I liked your survey because #5 - calm - didn't mean that everything had to be perfect. It's nice, it's good enough, and everyone's happy.
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amother




Lightcyan
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 9:03 am
I’m BT
My DH not
My seminary dorm mother (almost 40 yrs ago)
was from Russia. When she was a little girl her father wanted everyone COMPLETELY ready for Shabbos 1 hr before. All food on the blech, everyone bathed and dressed. This was family time where they all sat and had tea and cake. When they immigrated to ISRAEL they kept there family minhag.
I thought it was so beautiful I wanted to incorporate it in my home.
But DH didn’t grow up that way. Always a rush in his house. Not chaotic but a rush, because they get ready too late.

So while he gets ready I go have coffee and relax. When the kids were little they joined me for a nice erev Shabbos treat.
As they grew sometimes they joined me, but the girls were always doing their hair.
They knew that if they wanted me to do something for them, like iron a dress or do their hair they needed to come to me early, because my coffee time was sacred
Now they all left the house and DH is getting ready until the last Mountie and I have my coffee calmly everything completely prepared 1 hr before winter or summer doesn’t matter
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amother




Emerald
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 9:09 am
amother [ Lightcyan ] wrote:
I’m BT
My DH not
My seminary dorm mother (almost 40 yrs ago)
was from Russia. When she was a little girl her father wanted everyone COMPLETELY ready for Shabbos 1 hr before. All food on the blech, everyone bathed and dressed. This was family time where they all sat and had tea and cake. When they immigrated to ISRAEL they kept there family minhag.
I thought it was so beautiful I wanted to incorporate it in my home.
But DH didn’t grow up that way. Always a rush in his house. Not chaotic but a rush, because they get ready too late.

So while he gets ready I go have coffee and relax. When the kids were little they joined me for a nice erev Shabbos treat.
As they grew sometimes they joined me, but the girls were always doing their hair.
They knew that if they wanted me to do something for them, like iron a dress or do their hair they needed to come to me early, because my coffee time was sacred
Now they all left the house and DH is getting ready until the last Mountie and I have my coffee calmly everything completely prepared 1 hr before winter or summer doesn’t matter


I like that. My DH and I are both last minute types (or past the last minute in his case) but you're inspiring me to lead the way.
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amother




Trillium
 

Post Sun, Jun 20 2021, 9:14 am
Last minute every time - into 18 minutes - but calm and excited
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