What do you really think about fat people?

southernbubby

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 7:20 am

moonstone wrote:

Oh, come on- not that "fat people are jolly" cliche!

It's a cliche but there may be an element of truth in it. Before coronavirus, I was visiting a nursing home and one of the residents weighed probably around 700 pounds and had not walked in 4 years. Her body wasn't completely functioning but her mind was sharp and she kept watch over the other residents. She knew their needs and habits and could communicate this information to the staff and volunteers.

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 7:25 am

amother [ Dodgerblue ] wrote:

Let’s be fair here and not say that overwirght people are lovely and kind and funny. Or that they are nicer than skinny people. skinny people are usually not horrid and controlling and just as nice as their fat counterparts. Middos don’t discriminate. In fact my overweight mil is the one who constantly points out fat people to me...like who cares? I got married late and didn’t have children right away. I got comments several times to effect of “you are only skinny cuz you don’t have a family yet” or “wait for the pounds to pile up once you get pregnant”. Like why are you cursing me or making me feel bad! I felt bad enough to be childless while my peers had 6 kids - can’t you fargin me my figure at least?

That said I don’t judge fat people and honestly don’t give a thought when I pass someone unless they are like 500 lb and can’t walk. I don’t judge you please don’t judge me.

You missed my point.

The premise of this thread was what do you think when you walk by a heavy person on the street. A lot if people said they feel sorry for them.

My point was who should we really be feeling sorry for? A heavy person's problems are very public. Thin people have plenty of problems too and nobody is walking by and feeling sorry for them.

Please keep your feeling sorry to yourself. Heavy people don't need your feeling bad for them. My MIL feels sorry for heavy people too. She's told me many times how she feels so sorry for my daughter. Then continues her destructive behavior and does to my children what she did to my husband.

amother

DarkYellow

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 7:27 am

southernbubby wrote:

My mother didn't want us to have her weight issues so she ingrained portion control into us. We were not allowed to simply eat out of the family bag of chips or have as many cookies as we wanted.
I agree with that approach. I tell my grandchildren to portion out what they are going to eat and not aimlessly nosh out of the bag that is intended for the whole family.
Do I blame my mother for her weight and early demise? Yes and no. She really did overeat and couldn't really exercise but she couldn't control it. It possessed her.
Now I am not a person who believes in wallowing in victim hood whether the victim is black, gay, obese, single, BT, etc. People are not going to go out of their way to help victims even though they should. I have seen people galvanize with others in the same boat to help those in their situation. That's the only solution. I may think that everyone has rights but that might not translate into not shopping in stores that are not size inclusive. It's up to the people most affected to raise awareness and change the situation.

Well I hope you aren't like my MIL and constantly harp on portion sizes and watch what everyone eats! Because if you do I can tell you that all those smiles around the table are fake!!

amother

Yolk

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 7:35 am

I lost 40 lbs and am now a size 12-14 - certainly not skinny but definitely not obese. I still have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and high triglycerides. Go figure.

My BIL is obese like close to 300 lbs, and is completely healthy as are my very very very overweight inlaws. Go figure.

My very thin father has made comments about how I look and what I eat for much of my young adulthood. Most of my family is very skinny. My grandmother was stick skinny. I always hated having to hug her (even tho she was a nice woman) because I always felt like I was going to crush her bones. I always liked how heavier people looked. I think stick skinny people look weird.

When I see a heavy put together woman I just think she looks great and she inspires me to keep on trying to look good, feel good, and not forget that I'm also worthy of it all. So thank you!

amother

Hotpink

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 7:43 am

amother [ DarkYellow ] wrote:

You want to know what medical/ emotional issue my lovely lovely super over weight husband has? I'll tell you. HIS MOTHER! His whole life she watched him to make sure he wouldn't get fat. She made him feel fat even when he was average. She would buy him clothing that fit so exact lest he gain a pound.

I know his mother is not the only controlling mother out there when it comes to weight. Plenty of them are commenting on this thread. So to all those skinny women out there who are busy controlling themselves so amazingly: you make me sick! I'll take my kind heavy husband any day over your miserable skinniness!!

This post is sad. Can you tell her in a respectful way that comments about weight are not appreciated?

southernbubby

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 7:44 am

amother [ DarkYellow ] wrote:

Well I hope you aren't like my MIL and constantly harp on portion sizes and watch what everyone eats! Because if you do I can tell you that all those smiles around the table are fake!!

I never say anything once the food goes on the table even if I am really worried about it. My own kids don't want their kids aimlessly snacking and they expect me to monitor it if I am babysitting or hosting the kids. I have seen them snatch away the bag of chips and say "no more". That doesn't mean that the child has to go hungry because he or she is offered a more nutritious choice.

amother

Aubergine

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:01 am

amother [ Sage ] wrote:

...... all very touching.....

So why is my beautiful very put together daughter struggling so much with shidduchim?

Why when I worked in a store if I asked if anyone needed help the answer would be “ no thanks”, 20 seconds later they would go over to the unknown skinny salesgirl.( little did they know that I was making all the big fashion decisions behind scenes, and came to the front only when it was very hectic and I had time.

On and on I just don’t have the strength to talk about it.

because many women judge others for being fat and look down on them. They make a huge deal about women who lost weight right after a baby and how mrs xyz still struggles and is not skinny how she used to be...

the boys only want to go out with thin girls...there was an overweight/fat boy set up with an overweight girl, the boy said he wont go out with her because she is fat...(he is planning on working on himself to lose weight so maybe his genes are good and for him it is as simple as "eating less" like some posters here think applies to everyone. .

most of the judgemental ppl are not posting here, but in my family/friends everyone expects women to be thin even after many kids, ppl in my family made comments (behind my back) as I am now a size 14 since I had my kuds...im fat now....

lets not kid ourselves about the thoughts among many frum women....its all about externals...you must be thin/full face makeup/stylish clothes etc...if you are fat, you are thought of as a nebach and looked down on....when my fat neighbor got married before my skinny neighbors, ppl said "im surprised she got married first"

many moms look for skinny girls for their boys too...

I feel its more of an issue among certain yehudim but I dont have this problem in my job among nonyehudim....as they are in all sizes....there are the super skinny/no children singles and the women who didnt lose weight after birthing children...and the ppl who were overweight bec of stress/hormones etc...im considered average in work but not among my yehudi community....

I teach my kids about the importance of eating healthy and exercise...and I know there are so many other factors that can make someone fat....I also know there can be skinny ppl with insulin resistance called skinny fat who are unhealthy and there are fat ppl who are healthy bec they have good genes with hormones regulated properly etc...

the judgemental ppl wont post here bec tomatoes will be thrown....but the reality is many ppl think "ugg!" " she is not worthy of anything until she stops overeating and starts exercising"!

southernbubby

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:24 am

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

I am probably the most fat shaming person on here and I posted throughout the thread. There are guys who are attracted to curvy girls. Mothers of boys, however, are not looking for ways to solve the shidduch crisis and won't push anything that their sons object to. This includes older girls.

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:27 am

It's hard to sit near my severely obese cousin at a simcha and watch her eat so much. She barely fits in the chair, I'm always worried it's going to break. I love good food and eat well especially at simchas but there's eating and then there's stuffing... It's very hard not to judge.

On a different note, thin people who are only skin and bones are not to be admired.

I admire the people who worked hard through exercise and have muscle. Even if they have a few extra pounds.

moonstone

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:34 am

southernbubby wrote:

What? How does the fact that one morbidly obese woman you know has a sharp mind prove ANYTHING about obese people in general???? 🤔

amother

NeonYellow

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 8:43 am

A fat person just walking down the street? Who bothers to think about it? It's not like seeing a zebra walking down the street. Lots and lots of people are overweight. Nothing to think about.

Maybe if they were like 300+ pounds overweight I'd notice. And then I'd think, wow, that person is really big. And I'd feel bad for them because that kind of overweight looks like it can't possibly be comfortable. I start getting knee pain and back pain if I gain 20 pounds too quickly, so right or wrong I assume being very overweight like that would be painful.

But like 100 pounds overweight, 200 pounds, would not even register as seeing something that requires thought.

Personally I've gained and lost weight for all kinds of weird reasons so I don't really assume anything either way about why someone is overweight.

southernbubby

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:13 am

moonstone wrote:

What? How does the fact that one morbidly obese woman you know has a sharp mind prove ANYTHING about obese people in general???? 🤔

The sharp mind has nothing to do with it but this lady was very concerned about those who couldn't look out for themselves. She kept busy looking out for others out of a sense of kindness. She wasn't Jewish but really cared about these helpless Jews. Maybe she was more compassionate because she herself needed compassion and maybe heavier people are generally more accepting of others.

amother

Foxglove

Mon, Jun 28 2021, 9:29 am

southernbubby wrote:

Or maybe she was a thoughtful and compassionate person, weight and disability notwithstanding?