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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Zehava
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 Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:44 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | this is absurd! Yes if a 12 month old child for example kicks their infant cousin in the head with their brand new shoes (is walking at 12 months considered super advanced?) and they are told by mommy that this not ok in a gentle way. This is repeated a second and third time then yes I would most definitely send said 12 month old to another room for 120 seconds and tell him that this is because he hurt his little cousin. Yes this has worked effectively for me. I will repeat again - this is not abuse. |
And we will all repeat it back to you that it is abuse.
If your five month old scratches his infant cousin in the eye will you sent him to timeout? What about after ten warnings?
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amother
Nemesia
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:44 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | this is absurd! Yes if a 12 month old child for example kicks their infant cousin in the head with their brand new shoes (is walking at 12 months considered super advanced?) and they are told by mommy that this not ok in a gentle way. This is repeated a second and third time then yes I would most definitely send said 12 month old to another room for 120 seconds and tell him that this is because he hurt his little cousin. Yes this has worked effectively for me. I will repeat again - this is not abuse. |
And I would just get between them and block it from happening.
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amother
Ecru
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:46 pm
| SafeAtLast wrote: | What kind of behaviors need warnings for 12 months old?
(And what kind of 12 month old understands what a warning is?) | behaviors that harm others and/or are not child appropriated. I posted an example to another poster giving the example of a 12 month old child the kicks an infant in the head multiple times with shoes . Agreed that the child is not malicious and doesn’t realize that this is dangerous. But it is dangerous and needs to be stopped if it keeps on being repeated
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amother
Forestgreen
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:46 pm
So don't call it punishment or time out. Just call it removing from the situation. If you do it in a calm, but loving way it is not abusive in the least
By the way, in the graduate class I took on child development, the professor (a child psychologist) talked about how to use time out--1 minute per year of age. So, a 12 month old can be "removed from the situation" for 1 minute. A two year old, 2 minutes. Etc
(Shocker he even discussed having a "time out chair" for this purpose.) Less than 12 months is too young.
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amother
Dustypink
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:47 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | this is absurd! Yes if a 12 month old child for example kicks their infant cousin in the head with their brand new shoes (is walking at 12 months considered super advanced?) and they are told by mommy that this not ok in a gentle way. This is repeated a second and third time then yes I would most definitely send said 12 month old to another room for 120 seconds and tell him that this is because he hurt his little cousin. Yes this has worked effectively for me. I will repeat again - this is not abuse. |
A baby is not going to understand your gentle explanation. You need to physically stop them and just say you won't let them do it. Then remove them from the situation if needed. Not a punishment, not a timeout, just maintaining a boundary and keeping the other child safe.
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keym
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:47 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | this is absurd! Yes if a 12 month old child for example kicks their infant cousin in the head with their brand new shoes (is walking at 12 months considered super advanced?) and they are told by mommy that this not ok in a gentle way. This is repeated a second and third time then yes I would most definitely send said 12 month old to another room for 120 seconds and tell him that this is because he hurt his little cousin. Yes this has worked effectively for me. I will repeat again - this is not abuse. |
And what? He doesn't do it again?
I had a 14 month old and newborn.
When my 14 month old hit my newborn, I moved the infant away and said "nice baby, nice baby".
I didn't punish the 14 month old because HES A BABY. HE WAS SEEING WHAT THIS NEW DOLL IS. My job as a parent is to keep both my babies safe.
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Sb1234
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:47 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | of course there is misbehavior at 12 months. A 12 month old is old enough to understand when your mother tells him or her “no”. If a particular offense is repeated multiple times then yes it is miss behavior ans a minor age appropriate consequence will have a great chance of success. |
The saddest part of all your posts is the complete lack of empathy and humanity. You talk about babies as if they’re dogs you’re trying to train. I’m sorry you can’t see that.
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amother
Pistachio
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:50 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | this is absurd! Yes if a 12 month old child for example kicks their infant cousin in the head with their brand new shoes (is walking at 12 months considered super advanced?) and they are told by mommy that this not ok in a gentle way. This is repeated a second and third time then yes I would most definitely send said 12 month old to another room for 120 seconds and tell him that this is because he hurt his little cousin. Yes this has worked effectively for me. I will repeat again - this is not abuse. |
Oh dear mother of god! A 12 month old INFANT does NOT understand warnings, no matter how many warnings are given! It is your responsibility as the mother of the child to make sure that your baby doesn't hurt babies; which means that you leave the room with your baby. You don't put a baby in timeout for acting their age. If your 12 month old kicks other babies, you pick up the 12 month old and leave together with him. You don't put the 12 month old in timeout. Punishing a 12 month old is abuse, there's no other word for it. It seems like you only have 1 baby, please learn appropriate safe parenting techniques before having another baby. Proper parenting is for the good of the child; & not to make your life easier by not dealing with age appropriate
behavior.
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amother
Impatiens
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:50 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | this is absurd! Yes if a 12 month old child for example kicks their infant cousin in the head with their brand new shoes (is walking at 12 months considered super advanced?) and they are told by mommy that this not ok in a gentle way. This is repeated a second and third time then yes I would most definitely send said 12 month old to another room for 120 seconds and tell him that this is because he hurt his little cousin. Yes this has worked effectively for me. I will repeat again - this is not abuse. |
Let me process this.
So you have a baby exploring his environment and interacting with another child. Baby has no idea what hitting is and it is developmentally appropriate to try out new behaviors.
So mom puts the baby all by himself in a room for exploring in a developmentally appropriate way????!!
I’m sorry but it’s YOUR fault. Mom is supposed to be there watching the kids. What any of us would do is pick up the baby and hold him so that he doesn’t hit.
None of us would dream of punishing him.
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amother
Pistachio
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:58 pm
| amother [ Forestgreen ] wrote: | So don't call it punishment or time out. Just call it removing from the situation. If you do it in a calm, but loving way it is not abusive in the least
By the way, in the graduate class I took on child development, the professor (a child psychologist) talked about how to use time out--1 minute per year of age. So, a 12 month old can be "removed from the situation" for 1 minute. A two year old, 2 minutes. Etc
(Shocker he even discussed having a "time out chair" for this purpose.) Less than 12 months is too young. |
Which situation warrants a 12 month old being removed from the situation and being put in timeout by themselves? Even for 1 minute?
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amother
Cerise
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:00 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | this is absurd! Yes if a 12 month old child for example kicks their infant cousin in the head with their brand new shoes (is walking at 12 months considered super advanced?) and they are told by mommy that this not ok in a gentle way. This is repeated a second and third time then yes I would most definitely send said 12 month old to another room for 120 seconds and tell him that this is because he hurt his little cousin. Yes this has worked effectively for me. I will repeat again - this is not abuse. |
Great. At least we got an example of the 'rare occasions' that warrant this time out for a 12 month old.
You are abusive.
On a side note I think you should consider to start parenting when the child is still inside you.
Hit your belly every time the child kicks. Of course, only after warning a few times. Its not like you can put your own belly in time out. What are you gonna do there.
But your 12 month old is big enough smart enough grown enough. He will underhand time out and what the message is. 
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amother
Amaryllis
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:02 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | behaviors that harm others and/or are not child appropriated. I posted an example to another poster giving the example of a 12 month old child the kicks an infant in the head multiple times with shoes . Agreed that the child is not malicious and doesn’t realize that this is dangerous. But it is dangerous and needs to be stopped if it keeps on being repeated |
So you are the adult.
Hold the child on your lap to stop it from happening, or go play with the kid in another room.
Why are you punishing the kid with timeout? You are not teaching the baby anything.
Babies don't understand what they did wrong.
Last edited by amother on Tue, Dec 21 2021, 8:56 am; edited 1 time in total
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amother
Ecru
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:02 pm
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Look I’m not going to continue arguing because we are clearly not on the same page here. I will repeat for the last time that I do not condone malicious punishments for babies or children of any age. I do condone age appropriate consequences such as putting them in another room for a minute or two for children (or 12 month olds) who are repeatedly doing something that is harmful to themselves or others. I am not abusive and this is not abusive behavior. And don’t come here on inamother when your child is 7 years old to complain that your child is bratty, spoiled, not listening to you etc. or that your teenager is so uncooperative and has chutzpah. Or that your husband is a man child. Learning boundaries and showing right from wrong doesn’t start at age 7. It starts in an age appropriate manner as soon as they can understand basic sentences. Again all in an age appropriate way. Good luck to you all.
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amother
Cerise
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:04 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | Look I’m not going to continue arguing because we are clearly not on the same page here. I will repeat for the last time that I do not condone malicious punishments for babies or children of any age. I do condone age appropriate consequences such as putting them in another room for a minute or two for children (or 12 month olds) who are repeatedly doing something that is harmful to themselves or others. I am not abusive and this is not abusive behavior. And don’t come here on inamother when your child is 7 years old to complain that your child is bratty, spoiled, not listening to you etc. or that your teenager is so uncooperative and has chutzpah. Or that your husband is a man child. Learning boundaries and showing right from wrong doesn’t start at age 7. It starts in an age appropriate manner as soon as they can understand basic sentences. Again all in an age appropriate way. Good luck to you all. |
Can you name one person that teaches what you say here?
Link one article and tell me the name of one proffessional you spoke to about it.
You are not going to continue arguing because you know that you can't back up what you're saying and doing and because you haven't discussed it with anyone outside your cozy little abusive circle.
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Zehava
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:06 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | Look I’m not going to continue arguing because we are clearly not on the same page here. I will repeat for the last time that I do not condone malicious punishments for babies or children of any age. I do condone age appropriate consequences such as putting them in another room for a minute or two for children (or 12 month olds) who are repeatedly doing something that is harmful to themselves or others. I am not abusive and this is not abusive behavior. And don’t come here on inamother when your child is 7 years old to complain that your child is bratty, spoiled, not listening to you etc. or that your teenager is so uncooperative and has chutzpah. Or that your husband is a man child. Learning boundaries and showing right from wrong doesn’t start at age 7. It starts in an age appropriate manner as soon as they can understand basic sentences. Again all in an age appropriate way. Good luck to you all. |
And repeating false statements enough times even though everyone is disagreeing with you must make them true.
Your page is abusive
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amother
Amaryllis
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:08 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | Look I’m not going to continue arguing because we are clearly not on the same page here. I will repeat for the last time that I do not condone malicious punishments for babies or children of any age. I do condone age appropriate consequences such as putting them in another room for a minute or two for children (or 12 month olds) who are repeatedly doing something that is harmful to themselves or others. I am not abusive and this is not abusive behavior. And don’t come here on inamother when your child is 7 years old to complain that your child is bratty, spoiled, not listening to you etc. or that your teenager is so uncooperative and has chutzpah. Or that your husband is a man child. Learning boundaries and showing right from wrong doesn’t start at age 7. It starts in an age appropriate manner as soon as they can understand basic sentences. Again all in an age appropriate way. Good luck to you all. |
You are not parenting. You are abusing. You have zero understanding that your 12 month old is a baby and does not understand consequences or punishments or whatever fancy word you'd like to use.
Maybe you will not come complaining about the above on Imamother, but your child will join the abusive parents forum one day.
I feel sad for your child.
Last edited by amother on Tue, Dec 21 2021, 8:56 am; edited 3 times in total
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amother
Pistachio
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:08 pm
| amother [ Ecru ] wrote: | | Look I’m not going to continue arguing because we are clearly not on the same page here. I will repeat for the last time that I do not condone malicious punishments for babies or children of any age. I do condone age appropriate consequences such as putting them in another room for a minute or two for children (or 12 month olds) who are repeatedly doing something that is harmful to themselves or others. I am not abusive and this is not abusive behavior. And don’t come here on inamother when your child is 7 years old to complain that your child is bratty, spoiled, not listening to you etc. or that your teenager is so uncooperative and has chutzpah. Or that your husband is a man child. Learning boundaries and showing right from wrong doesn’t start at age 7. It starts in an age appropriate manner as soon as they can understand basic sentences. Again all in an age appropriate way. Good luck to you all. |
Honey, you have 1 child while most of us have older kids already. My kids are good kids without being punished as a baby. A 12 month old doesn't understand that what they're doing may be dangerous which is why YOU, as the MOTHER of the child, has the RESPONSIBILITY to babyproof your house and allow your baby to BE A BABY! A baby doesn't understand warnings, even if you give repeated warnings!! Putting a BABY in timeout for age appropriate behavior is abusive. There's NO SUCH A THING AS AGE APPROPRIATE CONSEQUENCES FOR AN INFANT!! If your baby takes a knife that's within his reach, of course we don't punish the baby & we make sure that knives are kept out of reach.
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trixx
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:11 pm
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Anyway OP I think we clarified that you're not the worst mother. See in the scheme of things, a little cussing never damaged a child.
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nchr
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:21 pm
I'm sorry can someone explain how a 12 month old would even be able to kick another baby multiple times with shoes? I've never seen such behaviors and I've been around as many babies as anyone else on this site.
Usually if a 12 month old bothers another child you just pick them up. And most 12 month olds don't even have the necessary coordination to do that. My 12 month olds don't even walk yet.
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amother
Cerise
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Mon, Jul 05 2021, 1:23 pm
| nchr wrote: | | I'm sorry can someone explain how a 12 month old would even be able to kick another baby multiple times with shoes? I've never seen such behaviors and I've been around as many babies as anyone else on this site. |
Because the mother thinks he is an adult that can be next to a tiny baby like any other adult.
She thinks he knows how to use his free will correctly.
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