I'm the worst mother. 3yo cursing.

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

Pistachio

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:25 am

nchr wrote:

I'm sorry can someone explain how a 12 month old would even be able to kick another baby multiple times with shoes? I've never seen such behaviors and I've been around as many babies as anyone else on this site.

Usually if a 12 month old bothers another child you just pick them up. And most 12 month olds don't even have the necessary coordination to do that. My 12 month olds don't even walk yet.

Maybe a 12 month old that isn't given a chance to behave his age because he gets put in timeout if he doesn't behave like an adult, will get out of control whenever he has a bit of freedom of the mom being so on top of him every second......
But you're right, a normal 12 month old doesn't repeatedly kick another babies head.

amother

Burntblack

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:35 am

I think everyone needs to take a step back and stop bashing amother Ecru.
Some 12 months old are more advanced than others. My first child was talking fluently at 12 months while my second barely spoke at 18 months. So my older clearly understood that he could not hit another child at 12 months old! Since my second was born when he was 19 months old it did not come into play. By the time my third was born (second was 14 months old at the time) even though he couldn’t talk - he understood a lot but that didn’t stop him from constantly trying to hit his new baby at every possible moment.
Of course I didn’t potch but I did put him in his crib for a minute or 2 after the 500th time this happened.
It would have been abusive NOT to stop this behavior and let the baby constantly get hurt. I could not attach the baby to myself 24/7 and my second somehow was an Olympic climber and could get to him no matter where I put him.
B”H all is well today and they are healthy adults - though my second is still the chepperer - he loves riling up all his siblings - BH now in a gentler way.
What if your 12 month old was constantly putting bobby pins into an outlet -even if you put covers on them?
You would have to somehow get him to learn that doing that is dangerous- you might have to - dare I say it - gasp - put him in a time out for a minute or 2 each time he did it - if not - he might severely injure himself.
I think That’s all amother ecru is trying to say - sometimes the dangerous/risky behavior can require a gentle 1-2 minute removal from a harmful (to either the 12 month old or younger baby) situation.
That is not abuse.

amother

Pistachio

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:38 am

Amother burtblack, a newborn shouldn't be within reach of a 12 month old. If the 12 month old hits the newborn, move newborn to a safe place. Putting the 12 month old in his crib won't help because he'll do it again and again as long as the baby is within his reach.
If 12 month old is doing dangerous things, we need to babyproof our house so he shouldn't be able to get into danger.

keym

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:43 am

amother [ Pistachio ] wrote:

Amother burtblack, a newborn shouldn't be withing reach of a 12 month old. If the 12 month old hits the newborn, move newborn to a safe place. Putting the 12 month old in his crib won't help because he'll do it again and again as long as the baby is within his reach.
If 12 month old is doing dangerous things, we need to babyproof our house so he shouldn't be able to get into danger.

Exactly.
I had 2 14 months apart.
My baby was always out of reach of the 14 month old.
I bought baby gates and configured my house so that both were able to play on the floor.
I just can't comprehend making it the baby's responsibility not to hit the other baby.
The same way you lock up cleaning supplies, close the bathroom door, make sure no knives are accessable to a 1 year old, the baby can't either be accessible, even if it's complicated.

nchr

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 10:48 am

amother [ Burntblack ] wrote:

If my 12 month old was putting Bobby pins into a socket I would buy a baby proofing socket plastic cover from Walmart.
Anyways, I had babies and siblings 12 months apart, and 17 months apart, and 20 months apart etc. and I somehow never managed to see a 12 month old kicking an infant in the head multiple times with shoes and intent.

amother

DarkKhaki

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:02 am

nchr wrote:

I could have written alot of this 8 months ago. Give yourselves some space and oxygen and you'll see that time outs aren't necessary.

I wouldn't ignore a child who hits because if they are verbal I'd rather try to figure out what they really need (a hug, food, a drink, space) and give them another outlet (a pillow, etc.)

Wow this is such an amazing post. Especially since I know you as an old-school poster. Can you tell more about your learning and what made you learn more?

rubyred

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:15 am

amother [ Nemesia ] wrote:

You and ecru do not agree with this? Are you one and the same, posting under amother ecru, that you're speaking for "her"?

No, not at all.

amother

Bluebonnet

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:16 am

rubyred wrote:

No, not at all.

This is my anonymous name.

rubyred

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:27 am

I think everyone here is incredibly quick to judge and label some posters as abusive without even knowing them in person.

amother

Amaryllis

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:47 am

rubyred wrote:

I think everyone here is incredibly quick to judge and label some posters as abusive without even knowing them in person.

You don't need to know people in person to know their behavior is abusive.
In fact, abusive people are much harder to recognize in real life, and easier to recognize when they share anonymously.

Last edited by amother on Tue, Dec 21 2021, 5:54 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Pistachio

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:54 am

rubyred wrote:

I think everyone here is incredibly quick to judge and label some posters as abusive without even knowing them in person.

A mother that punishes a baby for behaving like a baby is abusive. A mother that punishes her baby instead of dealing with his age appropriate behavior is abusive. We don't need to know who the person is.

chanatron1000

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 11:55 am

nchr wrote:

Physically, I think the baby would have to be holding onto something with both hands to be able to support itself enough to kick.

amother

Burntblack

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:02 pm

As I mentioned in my post - unless I was holding my baby 24/7 my 14/15 month old would find a way to get to him. That is his personality- he is and was very tenacious. BH he now uses that middah for helping others and not taking no for an answer. But back then…..So most of the time I wore the infant in a baby carrier but….that still doesn’t mean that my 14 month old couldn’t learn that hitting, biting the baby was off limits if I was cooking and had to put the baby down or if after 2 hours of a colicky baby being held I somehow managed to get him to sleep in the swing. In my case - nobody ever stepped or kicked the baby in the head.
As I mentioned in my earlier post - I didn’t potch him (I find that counterproductive when telling a child that they can’t hit) but I could and did put him in his crib for 1-2 minutes (with tons of toys) if he continued the behavior. You know what - he learned not to do it and became the protector of his little brother and the protector of any little kid getting bullied that he saw.
He was not abused because he sat in his crib for a minute. He learned that it is wrong to hurt someone and make them cry. He wasn’t screamed at - just removed from the situation where he could do harm.

As for the 3 year old cursing - one day you will laugh your head off at the situation - for now - just keep saying Truck whenever the f word is said. It works!

chanatron1000

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:06 pm

Removing the child from the situation is fine, but the point is to stop the child from hurting the other child, not to teach him not to do so in the future.

allthingsblue

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:12 pm

amother [ DarkKhaki ] wrote:

Wow this is such an amazing post. Especially since I know you as an old-school poster. Can you tell more about your learning and what made you learn more?

This.

amother

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:29 pm

Wow I did not expect this thread to veer so off course.
Does anyone have any applicable advice for me, as the OP?
Can those who would like to continue arguing about the abuse of 12 month olds please start a spinoff?

amother

Burntblack

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 12:35 pm

Whenever the child says the F word - just say - ‘oh Truck? - where is the truck?’
This actually worked for us when my one of my kids picked it up from somewhere.

amother

Khaki

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 5:24 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

I start timeouts at 12 months in a playpen. They don't have tantrums and understand no so no terrible 2s.

Whattt????? A 12 month old!?? That’s so sad!
Please learn child development and stop doing this! This is borderline abusive!

amother

Khaki

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 5:27 pm

amother [ Lemon ] wrote:

If children aren't in time outs before 2 you will deal with a really hard terrible 2s.

What???? This is really triggering me! I feel so badly for your children. This is so wrong on so many levels. Babies and toddlers don’t need punishments. Learn about parenting and child development, this is really sad to read:(

amother

Khaki

Mon, Jul 05 2021, 5:28 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Sorry Op just saw this!

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