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How to help my ocd child
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 6:41 am
My child who is about 13 came to me saying his ocd is bothering him again. He ha a thought that keeps coming and doesn’t go away, it’s abt something I won’t write on here. He says it comes during davening too when it shouldn’t be in his mind... how do I help him get through with this thought or get it out of his mind... he went for therapy and he been overall doing much better but this thought is embarrassing to discus for him .
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:29 am
Therapy.
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oneofakind




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:24 am
Your therapist I'm sure taught him skills to deal with this. Remind him of this and contact therapist so you can learn them too and help him at home.
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amother




OP
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 6:02 pm
Can anyone tell me
How to respond now. He hasn’t been to the therapist in a while so can’t call him
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amother




Steelblue
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 6:09 pm
Encourage him, understanding and approval. Praise him a lot for coming to you when he struggles. Encourage him that many many teens and people struggle with ocd. I'm sure you do this, but just a reminder that addictions (ocd is addictive thinking) thrive on shame and secrecy. Ask him about the tools he learned in therapy, and encourage him to use them. Remind him that ocd is a little tantruming toddler - the more you allow yourself to dwell on the thoughts amlnd compulsions, the more they demand space in your life. The more you tell your ocd thoughts "No!" the more they will respect you and become less demanding.
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anonymrs




 
 
 
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 7:43 pm
Go read all the threads on pandas.
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amother




Seashell
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 8:39 pm
I don't respond too often on here but I feel like I may have some information to help you, OP.

OCD, like depression and anxiety, can often only be helped to a certain extent by therapy - but the right therapist will ensure that the conversation isn't embarrassing or awkward. They will help him feel like he finally has can put a voice to his emotions.

In regards to therapy, it generally needs consistent intensive therapy (no judgement, I know how complicated that can get as a mother! Maybe telehealth is an option?). As a mental health professional, and someone who has dealt with OCD in my immediate family, it is a difficult road but one that needs to be consistently paved in order to be dealt with. It almost never will 'just go away'. As others have suggested, making him feel like he is not crazy and that he is not bad are crucial to alleviating the negative thought patterns - but that alone is usually not enough.

Just for your own reference, OCD is generally an anxiety-related mental health challenge. Therapy in conjunction with medication can be LIFE- CHANGING. Especially if the thoughts are shameful, embarrassing and/or causing a lot of distress in his life, dealing with this as soon as possible is imperative. The longer the child suffers with this, the bigger the impact it has on their life.

Mental health organizations such as Amudim may be able to refer you to a specialist near you.

Treatment may be short-term and just about halting the negative thought patterns and cognitive-behavioral cycles. But without good treatment, you and your child will be going through more pain than anyone ever should

Haztlacha!!
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amother




Amaryllis
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:04 pm
amother [ Steelblue ] wrote:
Encourage him, understanding and approval. Praise him a lot for coming to you when he struggles. Encourage him that many many teens and people struggle with ocd. I'm sure you do this, but just a reminder that addictions (ocd is addictive thinking) thrive on shame and secrecy. Ask him about the tools he learned in therapy, and encourage him to use them. Remind him that ocd is a little tantruming toddler - the more you allow yourself to dwell on the thoughts amlnd compulsions, the more they demand space in your life. The more you tell your ocd thoughts "No!" the more they will respect you and become less demanding.


I think it depends on the thought in question. If the thought is "let me repeat this one more time to get it right," compulsive kind of thinking, then you're not supposed to give in to it. But with a dark thought that comes to the child like she says, during davening, I've heard it's best not to fight the thought so much, just kind of accept it and let it float by, which is more effective.

Others with more expertise can chime in here...
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amother




Steelblue
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:16 pm
amother [ Amaryllis ] wrote:
I think it depends on the thought in question. If the thought is "let me repeat this one more time to get it right," compulsive kind of thinking, then you're not supposed to give in to it. But with a dark thought that comes to the child like she says, during davening, I've heard it's best not to fight the thought so much, just kind of accept it and let it float by, which is more effective.

Others with more expertise can chime in here...


Great point. She should definitely get her son to review the tools he learned in therapy and try to implement the ones that are correct for that situation. While waiting for more therapeutic support, of course.
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amother




Aqua
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:18 pm
B vitamins
Healing the gut
Can help
Aside from emotional freedom techniques
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amother




Begonia
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:18 pm
Have you ever read the book “when my brain gets stuck” with him? I used it with a younger child which is what it’s intended for, but it might be helpful for a 13 year old too. It’s kind of a work book that teaches and explains how OCD works and how to fight it. I’ll link if for you-
What to Do When Your Brain Gets Stuck: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming OCD (What-to-Do Guides for Kids)

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1591.....GJE1J

Hatzlacha
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amother




Buttercup
 

Post Mon, Jul 26 2021, 9:22 pm
Haven't read all the posts but I have ocd and what helped me (this is a standard skill) is to say or think, "oh, here's that though again!" Makes it be just a thought. He sounds like a brave, mature kid. Hatzlacha!
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jul 27 2021, 6:57 am
Thank you all so much such great responses and advice. Healing gut people always say... but what does that mean
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tree of life




 
 
 
 

Post Tue, Jul 27 2021, 7:17 am
Highly recommend going back to the therapist if the original one is not available please get another one it's important to get him help to help him deal with these thoughts
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amother




Plum
 

Post Tue, Jul 27 2021, 10:01 am
anonymrs wrote:
Go read all the threads on pandas.
This, without a doubt. Ocd in kids is always brain inflammation, usually infection mediated, very often strep.
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amother




OP
 

Post Tue, Jul 27 2021, 7:02 pm
Pandas- yes- no one told me about this when he was 6 and his anxiety turned to ocd. So it’s been years. We have tried testing and antibiotics route ... next step I guess is a neutropath . But yes I agree ocd is inflammation.
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amother




Plum
 

Post Tue, Jul 27 2021, 7:06 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote:
Pandas- yes- no one told me about this when he was 6 and his anxiety turned to ocd. So it’s been years. We have tried testing and antibiotics route ... next step I guess is a neutropath . But yes I agree ocd is inflammation.
There is still hope. Find a pandas specialist, whether mainstream or alternative. If you post your location I can try to help.
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amother




Glitter
 

Post Tue, Jul 27 2021, 8:10 pm
My son was diagnosed with OCD in his later teens. He went to multiple therapists and psychologists and tried both CBT and DBT. He tried so hard and suffered so much.
None of it worked and he wasted years of his life. Finally a psychiatrist put him on the lowest dosage of Zoloft (seriously - half my friends are on higher dosages than him for minor anxiety) and Presto Chango he went back to being my wonderful, kind, confident child.
BH - he is now back on track with his life, is in Yeshiva, aced undergrad and is applying to grad school.
I only wish we had gone the medication option sooner!
I’m not saying that therapy doesn’t work - but know that it doesn’t work for everyone and there are other options.
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 12:39 pm
He has suffered so many years especially since he’s a sweetheart of a child and keeps it in, no one knows what he’s been dealing with. With therapy he got significantly better. There are times where it flares. Either his anxiety or his ocd. We did antibiotics at age of 11/12 for over a year, maybe we saw some positive but it wasn’t a Refuah for him. I kept trying not to do the Zoloft , and even dr said give the antibiotics time ..... there are times when he’s told me that his childhood was lost or when he feels depressed but then there are times he seems good .... I feel terrible
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amother




Quince
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 12:59 pm
Op why don't you try meds. It might be a miracle and life saver for him. You won't know until u try!
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