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I wish I didn’t send my daughter to sleep away camp
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amother




OP
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 5:50 am
She’s young. She was begging for 2 years. dh thought it would be good for her. She had a friend who was going so I gave in and let but for months I had a sinking feeling in my heart.
She left yesterday.
I’m trying to understand why this is a normal thing for young girls to do? Why is it normal for parents to pack up their child’s clothing and send them away for a month??? Children belong with their parents until they get married!
I know girls go to camp all the time and have wonderful memories. I know they make new friends and enjoy themselves for the most part. But what about the hard times? Why is it okay to put your child through that?? All night long I’m picturing my daughter laying in a bed in a room full of bunk beds with girls she doesn’t know yet. She’s always cold. I’m picturing her shivering in the cold country air. I’m wondering if she’s afraid to get up to use the bathroom. She usually goes 1-2 times a night. I’m hoping she figured out how to put her sheet on her bed and that she’s not laying on a bare mattress that the sheet came off of. I’m hoping she had an easy time unpacking all the things I jammed into her duffel bags. Did she know where to put her things?? Did she find her brush stuffed into the front zipper pocket?
Is she unable to sleep with so many people in the room? She usually sleeps with one sister. Is she laying in the dark wondering why I actually sent her away and didn’t put my foot down and be more firm and make her wait till she’s older? Is she homesick? Will she regret her choice? Will everyone be nice to her? Will she get past being self conscious and allow herself to talk to girls she doesn’t know. Will she have a good time even though sleeping away from home for a month is so hard?
All I can think is that I’m pretty sure sleep away camps must have started many years ago for orphans who had no home. How could so many parents think this is normal at this point? I know so many people will respond and tell me that when they sent their daughter for the first time she came back happy.
I’m sure not everyone came back thrilled. I’m positive that many girls actually have a very hard time. Does anyone understand how parents can send their kids away for so long??
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amother




Opal
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 5:56 am
Even if every single thing on your list happens to her, she will still be fine. She just won't have had the best time and won't go back.

Most likely though she will have fun.

I totally get you though. My son went on a day camp overnight last night and I worried about him all night. I just want to talk to him for a second to make sure he's OK and then I can go back to sleep....
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imachild




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:00 am
how old is she?
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amother




Lemon
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:33 am
From the way you are talking, it sounds like your daughter is a kid who will benefit most from going away to camp out of anybody

ETA What I mean is, most of the things you mentioned, a child needs to learn how to handle on their own in order to become an independent, functional adult. It will be really good for her. You need to let her experience these things.
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life is fun




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:35 am
She will surely have fun, possibly some challenging moments too.

She will learn to be resilient and independent life skills.
Either she'll have an overall positive experience and want to go back or she won't. But she knows she tried it.
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amother




Darkblue
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:36 am
amother [ OP ] wrote:

I’m trying to understand why this is a normal thing for young girls to do? Why is it normal for parents to pack up their child’s clothing and send them away for a month??? Children belong with their parents until they get married!


Not in my world. What if a kid only gets married at 25? Or 30? Marriage isnt' the turning point when a kid leaves home. What about seminary? Or college?

I am not American and agree with you that it seems in the States people send kids out super early. Under 11 or 12 is early IMO to send a kid off for a month, though I get that's it's cultural.

12/13 and up? It's a healthy age to be away. I'm not saying it's necessary, but if that's what the kid wants, then it can be a great experience.
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amother




Gardenia
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:36 am
amother [ Lemon ] wrote:
From the way you are talking, it sounds like your daughter is a kid who will benefit most from going away to camp out of anybody


Exactly this. I can’t relate to anything OP worrying about. A bare mattress touching the child’s skin? A cool breeze at night? Op, neither of this with hurt or harm your child even a little.
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amother




Crystal
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:53 am
I assume you didn't send a six year old to some survival in the wilderness camp.

Kids need to learn to take care of things like making their own beds. And learning to be independent makes them feel great. Camp can be a growth experience, especially for a child who's never had the opportunity to spread her wings.
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:57 am
I started going to sleepaway camp when I was 10. I begged and begged. I loved it!!
Learning to be independent is the best thing you can give your children.
No, children do not belong at home until they're married. Maybe in your culture you believe that.
I am a strong advocate of sleepaway camp and of living on your own as an adult before marriage.
Your DD is having a blast in camp.
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dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 6:57 am
I think it's harder for you than for her. If you think in your mind that she is ok & she can do it then she will. If you miss her so terribly & feel bad for her that will make her homesick.
Don't worry, if she has any issue, you would've known already by now, she would call you. If she doesn't call you it's a sign that she is living it up, and too busy to call you. It's hard, but you need to let go in order for her to grow up.

Home till married? Don't be a helicopter parent, how in the world will she get married & leave your home if she never went away from home till then, like ever....

If she has a good experience, let her go again even if it's hard for you. Don't keep her home for selfish reasons, do what's most beneficial for the child. If she doesn't like it, then it's another story.
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sequoia




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:02 am
I went at 11 for the first time and I loved it. My parents were just going to send me for two weeks originally and I begged to stay for a month. Even though I was a shy child.

It all depends on the administration. If the people running the camp are qualified and kind and care about the girls’ safety, it will be fine. Even great!
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amother




DarkGreen
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:04 am
I get the worrying. My child who recently came home from a long stay in the hospital & still is immunocompromised with medical gear & tons of meds went off on a 3 day trip, hosted by an org. Didn't hear from child, but I am sure dc is having a great time.

Every kid away from home makes the home quieter but hey! Enjoy the quiet now. Do something fun with the rest of family.
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amother




Camellia
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:05 am
OP, please get some therapy. This sounds like a panic attack. It also sounds like you have enmeshment issues that will hold your child back in life.

You need to get yourself sorted out, for both your sakes.
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amother




Goldenrod
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:07 am
OP- wow. Stressful reading this.
[edited] ]
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tp3




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:14 am
We all miss our kids. It's good for them to get away and become their own individual person instead of us always making sure things are perfectly so for them.
Space and distance temporarily is a good thing.
Hope she has a fantastic summer!
P.S. just to answer your question: the good times usually far outweigh the hard times. (Have you ever been to camp?)
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banana split




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:21 am
When I read the title I thought you were going to say she got moles-ted or something terrible happened while she was there. OP hang in there! She will have the most wonderful experience! Sounds like you could cut the apron strings a bit - in sure you both can use some space from each other. Kids are very resilient.
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Beingreal




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:32 am
I went when I was 9 and I had a blast but looking at my own kids I can't imagine sending them that young. Plus they are not ready and I am not ready.
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dankbar




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:35 am
Teenagers rather need social life than being attached to mommy
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essie14




 
 
 
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:37 am
dankbar wrote:
Teenagers rather need social life than being attached to mommy

Exactly. They usually want to go away for shabbat throughout the year, as well.
OP, please dont hold her back.
That's not doing her any favors.
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amother




Jasmine
 

Post Wed, Jul 28 2021, 7:39 am
Op, I sent my son this year for the first time, and I felt just like you for the first few days. I cried for two days. Then I got used to him being gone for the most part. He also called almost every day, mostly to ask me to send him things lol, so that helped. He came back last week and he had a great time. You’ll be ok in a few days!
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