Rich people taking my hand me downs

watergirl

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 8:37 am

Some people get a kick out of doing this. I know people in my community who follow all of the food chats and collect anything people don't want. Literally, someone is giving away one can of chickpeas, a few women grab it. The same women comment on every single rummage thread or post and grab all of that stuff also. One of the women I know is someone I've posted about here before; I've realized for her and I'm sure for others, there is a rush of adrenaline or something she gets. She sells the stuff on ebay and as for the food, I hope she is using it. She laughs publically about how she gets WIC, food boxes from our city's version of Tomchei Shabbos, etc. Some people have needs no one knows about but others have almost an illness that brings them to grab the free rummage items and then sell it or whatever.

OP, I've found that when people charge a token amount for each item, it will eliminate the people taking it for the thrill. It also gives those who truly need the clothing a change to acquire it with dignity so they don't feel like they are getting "hand-me-downs", but buying something.

amother

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 9:21 am

I theoretically like this idea of a token price... But I don't like to sell clothes in principle. A couple of women (with money) in my community like to sell every odd and end to make money off of their friends. It's not for me.

watergirl wrote:

OP, I've found that when people charge a token amount for each item, it will eliminate the people taking it for the thrill. It also gives those who truly need the clothing a change to acquire it with dignity so they don't feel like they are getting "hand-me-downs", but buying something.

watergirl

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 9:35 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Try this approach - "The sale of the clothing will go to tzedakka - donate $2 per item to a tzedakka of your choice (or name one), please send me a screenshot to show you've made the donation and it's yours". I've seen this in my community and I've paid for rummage things this way also. People chose our local Tomchei shabbos, who accepts donations via their site, and I will send a screen shot of my donation.

amother

Ruby

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 9:41 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

In my community whatsapp group in Israel, people sometimes give away clothes. Twice it happened that I posted I was giving away clothes and women from wealthy families in the community came and picked up the clothes. (One time one of the ladies even SOLD a couple of nice girls clothes that she took from me). Please don't say I don't know if she was is in need. I know she is not.

How can I post that I'm giving away clothes in a way that will prevent people like her taking them? I want them to go to someone in need, but without embarrassing anyone by saying "only if you're really in need."

I'm curious how you really know this? Perhaps, her dh is financially abusive & withholds money from her. This is her way of getting some extra $$ in her pocket? There could be other scenarios to which you're not privy to, so why let this get in a way of doing a good deed?

IMO, it's your action that counts the most, and not so much the result. You can only do so much, we don't control the outcomes. Hashem knows and sees your intention, and that doesn't change no matter the outcome. Personally, if I'd start focusing if every outcome is happening the way I want it to be, it would add an additional strain and would probably negatively impact what I'm doing.

Hashem is the one who arranges everything. So I run with the concept that if an assumed rich person picked up the stuff, then that's where He intended it to go now. If there was a quick and easy way to find another outlet, I'd go for it. But if not, I wouldn't let that stop what was I doing. Who is the anyway the one to determine who has a real need. Can't someone who has a psychological issue also have a real need? It may not be the real need I had in mind, but it's also a real need.

amother

Steel

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 9:41 am

I used to live in a fairly large community and the baby gemach lady asked me to please take even after I cleared it with her that I could afford to buy baby clothing. She said she had too much clothing and she wouldn't even take a donation later because she said she had too much.

I live in a smaller OOT community now so there is no official gemachim. I have friends who will offer me handmedowns who know I'm comfortable financially. Living OOT I find it so much easier to just have my teen daughter go through some hand me downs where she can try stuff on then having to order online when it might not fit her. some of us also don't like shopping.

I wouldn't sell stuff I got though. to me that's different but truthfully some people wouldn't even mind they just want it out of their house and don't want to throw it out.

amother

Whitesmoke

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 10:27 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

It's really like a question of 5 dollars for a bag of clothes.
You seem to have a skewed view of money. What is bad about selling anything if someone buys it, even a friend?

I totally buy Things from friends if they suit my purposes. Most people are not dirt poor or unbelievably rich. Many are in between and may benefit from cheap or free items at different times in their life. You may or may not be a shaliach to help them at this particular moment.

But why is it better to help a poor person who is showered in my hand-me-downs but not a middle class family who is going through a rough phase?

If I sell a good item for cheap and I have a choice, why not offer it to a friend? Instead of them looking to buy the same item new or off strangers.

amother

Crystal

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 10:28 am

Give to an organization that helps people in need.

I give lots of stuff to my cleaning lady. If she can't actually use something, I know that she will distribute it to someone in her circle who can use it.

Some stuff I give to an organization that runs a shelter for abused women. Since they flee with their children with nothing, everything can be used by them.

I don't understand why these threads devolve into ridiculous justifications and recriminations. Most people want their clothing or other items winding up by those who actually need the clothing because they don't have adequate money. They don't want to have clothing used by people who would otherwise be able to buy their own clothing but are using it to free up money so they can have a more luxurious lifestyle.

I have no problems with giving gifts and hand me downs to my friends and relatives who can afford to buy their own but that is different than a random wealthy person taking items. I think most people would resent that kind of shnorrish behavior and rightfully so.

amother

Powderblue

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 10:52 am

We have a local gemach for clothing. I like to give to them as I feel it's going to a good cause. I would rather give to them than post it on our local group. I've had a few bad experiences where people say they want something and then not pick it up and I have to go through it again. Granted some people maybe could afford to buy, but that's not my cheshbon.

amother

Cherry

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 11:03 am

1) give directly to a gemach

2) ask a few of your friends who aren't wealthy (ppl don't have yo be dirt poor to appreciate hand me downs! It saves them money!!) if they would be interested in clothing that might work for their famiky.

I get hand me downs. Ppl who give aren't picky. I always ask, "if it doesn't work for me, do you want it back? " and most pll respond, "no! Pass it on or do whatever u want with it!"

amother

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 11:22 am

Huh? That's totally twisting what I'm saying. I said I'm not upset with people for who take the clothes I offer. Just asking for ideas to direct it towards those really in need.

Genius wrote:

I didn’t know hand me downs was reserved for the poor.
In my group we take whatever is appropriate and fits size and gender and give away whatever we don’t need. I am so happy when someone takes stuff I don’t need off my hands. Their financial status makes no difference.

amother

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 11:27 am

Where I live people charge the equivalent of 10 dollars for an item of clothing in good condition. It's a business transaction, not a favor. I personally wasn't raised that way. Didn't say anything is wrong, I just don't like it.

amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:

amother

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 11:29 am

Exactly this. Thank you.

amother [ Crystal ] wrote:

amother

Amaryllis

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:08 pm

As others said. Give to a gmach. A wealthy person won't go to a gemach. just make sure the gmach is reputable and distributes directly to people in need. There are some clothing donation places where I live that make it easy to give but they very likely sell clothes by the pound and that hurts my heart cause people want the needy to enjoy their nice clothes.

Genius

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:14 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Huh? That's totally twisting what I'm saying. I said I'm not upset with people for who take the clothes I offer. Just asking for ideas to direct it towards those really in need.

It sounded like you had a problem when “rich” people took the clothes you offer.
Sorry that I misinterpreted your op.

amother

Eggplant

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:55 pm

There's no real way to make sure stuff you give away is used by the "right" people or in the 'right way." Once you give it away, it's out of your control. Even tzedakah organizations sell or throw out stuff they can't use.

I see people posting things like "I want to give x only to a family in need" (not talking about OP) and I think that's a less dignified way to give tzedakah. Now they have to show their poor credentials so you get mitzvah credit? Hashem knows what your intention was. I do get that it's upsetting to see someone else turn around and sell it.

amother

Cinnamon

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:56 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

How do you know why she takes them? Maybe she’s donating them to a gmach or herself donates? It’s not nicer that you’re so judgmental. Either donate them b’sever panim yafot or don’t do it at all. Your mitzvah is to give not to judge.

amother

Lily

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:58 pm

My friend is a single mom who is definately in need. Frequently she makes arrangements with someone to pick-up clothes for her, either my husband or another friend's husband - so you could have someone coming on a nice car, dressed nicely - but in reality they are picking up for someone else.
Sometimes rich people also take turn for worse, especially during COVID times , people who did very well financially are not doing so great.

amother

Aster

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 1:03 pm

I really don't get why everyone's attacking OP. She wants to make people happy that can actually use the clothing, and would not be able to afford such beautiful clothing otherwise, not people that want to utilize her beautiful gently used clothing to add to their hoard of riches. Nothing wrong with that. She's asking for solutions, not judgements on what she decided is the right thing to do.

This is so Imamother.