It’s 1 week until school and.. UPDATE

amother

Canary

Sat, Aug 14 2021, 11:35 pm

Just wanted to chime in and say that I also have a child who doesn't yet have a school. No I'm not in Lakewood or Monsey either and in this case it's due to said child having some special needs (that are not obvious to the eye of people that they meet). What has bothered me the most is that when we tell people that we have reached out to the Conservative School they freak out and are like "but Hashkafa (we are very Chareidi to put it loosely)" I'm like "I would rather my child get some semblance of Yiddishkeit then be in a public school". BH it seems that we are moving in the right direction and may actually manage to get the kid into the school that we would like them to be with the proper supports, but that school actually starts this week, so it would not be right away.

And in case anyone is wondering, I live in a city without a Jewish school for kids with SN.

amother

Crimson

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 12:25 am

naturalmom5 wrote:

I really dont want to make you feel bad, sincerely

But you need to speakto BIG DAAS TORAH , before ruling anything out

Unfortunately, I know over 20 girls , whose parents didnt want a "modern" school

They are all OTD now.
One girl is cutting herself
One is married to a nonJ..

Lcovod Shabbos, I will stop here....

I will think about you by candle lighting....

All these things happened because they ended up going to a modern school that their parents didn't want?

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 1:48 am

op I understand your pain...I was in your situation last year and I had to use the help of an organization for kiruv kids to get my child into yeshiva....I agree with the above poster that if you dont end up with the proper school aligned with what is the "right fit", then chabad is better than no school and hopefully in the future years if ppl move etc maybe space will open up in the right school

I am sending my son to chabad(not in london) but I know I tried to get into a "better fit" school but was rejected so chabad is better than public school(I cant homeschool as me n dh work)

I feel your pain. I was in your shoes. I wish you the best and hashem should send you to the right school for your son.

hatzlacha.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 2:50 am

amother [ Canary ] wrote:

I’m so sorry. Hugs.

Yes, it’s painful when people think they know how to help you but keep missing the boat.

When this askan told me to apply to a mixed school I told him straight out- would you send your child there?

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 2:54 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I won’t discuss my reasoning here. I don’t want to get into LH or politics. I’ll just say Hasmonean is mixed and modern.

Yes, and it has also graduated many fine yarei shamayim. For a young child,. hashkafa doesn't matter as much as you think it does. I understand it's not in line with your world view, but you're not in a position to dictate the terms right now.

Success10

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 3:09 am

Hi, OP, I just want to send my hugs, and I know you've thought this through thoroughly, and I support your decision to leave the child at home rather than send to a school that does not work for your family. I wish more people on this thread would respect your choice in this area. They are not you and don't know the specifics of your situation. I davened for you on Friday at licht and I truly believe you will be getting great news soon. IY'H.

amother

Starflower

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 3:47 am

This was me 4 years ago, I’m so sorry for your pain. Im not going to tell you what to do because I don’t know your exact situation but I’ll tell you what we did.
We applied for a nursery place in 3 boys school and got rejected from them all.
Nursery isn’t a legal requirement so we put my son in a private nursery, we didn’t want to take a place in a mixed school nursery with the intention of moving him later because we didn’t want the schools to think we would compromise on this. As it happens I think due the the pain and pressure I would’ve sent to a mixed school in the end but my husband was adamant we would not.
A child legally needs to be in a school for reception year and everyone even with a nursery place the previous year needs to reapply to the school but through the local council.
We again got rejected from the 3 boys schools of our choice and got given a space at the local non Jewish primary. We rejected the place and after many phone calls, letters and begging with the ok of our Rav we launched an appeal with the school. Many schools prefer to accept 25 kids per class but legally they can take 30 so the appeal puts you vs the school in front of an independent committee to determine if you should be given a place or if the school are right in holding back the places (they like to say better for students to have smaller classes etc)
BH it never got to the appeal and the school caved in and gave us a place.
My son started in reception and bH is very happy, accepted and doing well in the school we fought so hard to get into.
I hope this helps you on some way.
Wishing you lots of hatzlacha

amother

Carnation

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 3:52 am

Success10 wrote:

I actually think keeping home at this point is the best way to go in England for this age. (I don't currently live in England though I used to, and I've definitely heard of people doing this.) We're not talking about high school age where the child feels humiliated, at this young age it's all about how you present it to them.

It's not like Lakewood where you have multiple options (I know they are all full, but at least the fourth or fifth choice isn't so terribly far off from your hashkafa, even though it isn't what you would have chosen) and I think that if you give in and send to a mixed school they will feel they don't need to help you, it will give the impression that perhaps you're not the right kind of fit for their school anyway.

amother

Carnation

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 3:58 am

amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:

Once she sends there, the schools she wants will less likely accept her afterwards. So we're not just talking about a young child.

amother

Carnation

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 3:59 am

OP, I fully understand your position. Don't listen to those here pushing you to give up on your principles. Those in the US don't realize that there are much less options available in England than they would have if they don't get accepted to their first or second choices. They're advising you to do something they would never dream of doing - sending to a school that is completely out of line with your worldview.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 4:17 am

amother [ Whitesmoke ] wrote:

That is not for you to decide.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 4:19 am

amother [ Starflower ] wrote:

Thanks for your post. I’m going to appeal next week if nothing turns out.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 4:20 am

amother [ Carnation ] wrote:

Exactly.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 4:22 am

amother [ Carnation ] wrote:

Thank you. I’m not caving in. They don’t understand once I send to a school that is not our derech no one will have a responsibility to help us anymore.