Shabbos Guest Question

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 2:32 am

There's a lonely man living around the corner of my house.
We invited him once for a shabbos meal and then a second time and then some more...
By now, he knows he is welcome whenever he wants.
He is becoming comfortable in our house.
And it's starting to irk me TMI

Is this just the yetzer hara not happy with my mitzvah?

A. When he comes, my husband talks with him a whole meal and I am just a listener.
I always shy away from men so I don't join the discussions.
But this is my smallest problem. It's my part in hachnasas orchim.

B. this guest is nice and considerate.. therefore..
he always looks into my plate and if I didn't serve myself a full portion he'll say he's not hungry. Because he thinks I don't have enough and am serving him my portion..

C. He is also a baal teshuva. So he can discuss things like niddah, Tuma and Tohar.. He talks about the importance of clean thoughts while pregnant.
Obviously it's not the divrei torah we normally talk about during a shabbos meal. especially with teens and young kids around.

In short, the hachnasas archim mitzvah which I gladly did because I realized how lonely this man is and how much he loves our house is becoming heavy on my heart and I just don't know if the yetzer hara is taking me on a ride or is there something more to it.

the man is clean, he is nice to the kids and well mannered.
And I'm therefore embarrassed to say this, but he is getting me nervous.

yet I know very well, that the more nervous he gets me, the bigger the mitzvah must be. otherwise the yetzer hara wouldn't make it hard for me. Am I making sense?

People host guest who make a mess, who sleep in, who have the weirdest requests.. I have non of it. Why do I care to host him?!
Thanks for reading ALL of this!

amother

Green

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 2:43 am

Since you (and the kids?) don't talk to him, he's essentially having a meal alone with your husband. In which case, grown-up topics of conversation are ok.

I think if you want to make the guest's visits easier, you need to have a normal family meal and include him in the child-friendly flow of conversation.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 8:47 am

amother [ cornflower ] wrote:

You sound like a very nice person Smile

And you deserve to be comfortable too! So could DH have a quiet word and mention that you don't discuss " whatever " in front of your kids? Also, can you invite another couple, so that you have a friend to chat to?

Kudos on the mitzvah x

I love the idea of inviting another couple!

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 8:55 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

I agree. But he likes to talk. Most of the time it's ok besides for when it's not. Wink

This especially happens since he doesn't speak our primary language which is Hebrew. So the conversation basically flows in English. And when I or one of the kids say something to my husband in Hebrew which he doesn't understand, he could ask: "What did x say?"
It gets me nervous.

amother

Thistle

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 9:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I agree. But he likes to talk. Most of the time it's ok besides for when it's not. Wink

It’s rude to speak a language that your guests don’t understand. Of course he’s asking what you said. For all he knows your talking about him!

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 9:45 am

amother [ Thistle ] wrote:

It’s rude to speak a language that your guests don’t understand. Of course he’s asking what you said. For all he knows your talking about him!

My young kids don't know English and the guest knows it.
And when I talk about a child, I want the child to hear what I'm saying..

Either way, I don't think it's ok to ask what I or my daughter just said.

amother

Sun, Aug 15 2021, 10:27 am

amother [ Green ] wrote:

Carrying on a conversation in a language your guest doesn't understand is inhospitable.

Maybe it would be polite of him to sit back and be ignored, but he's just trying to follow the conversation. You shouldn't be saying things at the table that you don't want him to hear.

Agreed. I never say secrets of stuff like that in front of him.
My young kids don't speak English.
If I talk to the kids or about the kids to my husband, This guest will ask what we just spoke about.
This happens rarely. Since as I said, Mr guest is the head speaker throughout the meals. But on the occasion that we say a word to a child or a child talks to me etc it's really not a very polite thing to ask what the child just said..