Life hack: send your teens and pre-teens shopping

amother

Lightgreen

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:12 pm

WaterKissed wrote:

Op is apparently from Brooklyn, where the streets are so loaded with frum mommies pushing strollers, so the streets are safer. I have family in Brooklyn, and they do this all the time. We can't judge if we don't live there. OP if you feel your daughter is safe, you're good to go. OOT mom's just won't get it.

Streets loaded with frum mommies, doesn't mean the streets are safe. There are crazies on every street corner.

amother

Saddlebrown

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:21 pm

Op, what you did was fine for your situation: the stores were within a 2 block radius from your house and it's a pretty safe area. Most people don't have this kind of convenience so they can't imagine doing that. I'd send my almost 10 yr old, but I doubt I would have sent her at just 9, but it's not crazy young in this situation.

amother

Seafoam

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:25 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I am the farthest thing from a helicopter parent but I think there are still limits. I think a kid aged 11/12/13 could be mature enough for this scenario but any age below that is really pushing it. Maybe OP's daughter was totally fine but a lot of kids wont be which is why its not commonly done.

Maybe OP lives off the main street. That is the scenario I envision. I'm in Brooklyn but I wouldn't be able to do that unless the store was at my corner, which in my case it isn't.

amother

Gray

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:25 pm

You've got to know your kid. I have 1 kid who I wouldnt have dreamed of sending alone to a store at 9, although at 14 can shop for herself very well without me. She has great taste, knows what she wants, and is responsible to stick to a budget. Also she makes sure eth can be returned and if I veto it back it goes. It is a huge help to me. After I had my baby she bought the first few weeks wardrobe for me, including bris outfit, since I couldn't get out.

My current 10 yr old has been going to the local grocery himself since last year, partly because of covid and no school, and I'm amazed at how capable he is. He could probably manage other small errands but it's never been necessary, but I'm thinking he could probably manage to buy himself a yarmulka from the judaica store, or stationary from the stationary store. A few weeks ago I taught him how to use the atm machine and he was so proud of himself. But he is a totally different personality than my older child.
I see many kids his age shopping and out in the streets alone.

amother

Peru

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:31 pm

Really depends where you live. I can see this happening more in Israel than in some other places. Nothing is walking distance by me, so my kids could only go shopping themselves when they could drive themselves. Just started this now and loving it. My son needed a new suit and I gave him the car keys and told him to go to the store and get himself a suit.

amother

Fern

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 4:32 pm

The first time I shopped for my own clothes I was about to go into 7th grade. Times have changed, the stores nearby don't carry anything that frum kids can wear, and I wouldn't send my 12-year-old alone or with friends on the subway without an adult escort. When ds was about 15 I realized that he was old enough, so I gave him money and sent him downtown with some friends to do his own shopping. What amechayeh!

amother

Hawthorn

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 5:08 pm

Like another poster stated...I thnk you need to know your kid.
My son is 10 almost 11. He has a cell phone as do all of his friends. He wanted to hang out with other friends. Get pizza and go to the park (a block from pizza store and wide open )....
I dropped him off with a time frame first time a few wks ago. I can't tell you how happy he was. He thanked me for trusting him!

amother

Coffee

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 5:31 pm

Op, my daughter is ten and is super capable and responsible and she can for sure do this as well. I would caution you though to still take your daughters shopping majority of the time as it’s good for a teen to bond with mom in that way. When I was a teen I was all on my own most of the time and it was lonely. I would shop with friends but it would have been nice to have a mom who cared enough to shop and spend time with me.
As the opportunity presented itself today it sounds like it was great and I’m sure your daughter feels like a million dollars!

amother

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 5:40 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

Ofcourse! We mostly shopped online this season as it’s hard for me to get around but we did it together and tried everything on at home and discussed it.

amother

Coffee

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 5:41 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Ofcourse! We mostly shopped online this season as it’s hard for me to get around but we did it together and tried everything on at home and discussed it.

That’s sounds grt!
Bshaah tova, OP:)

BrisketBoss

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 6:26 pm

amother [ Lightgreen ] wrote:

There is more awareness nowadays, but still not enough. My kids also tell me everything and know about body safety, but unfortunately, I think our kids are of the minority in the community and abuse isn't really spoken about. I think most kids in the community were never given a proper education on body safety. People think I'm too open with my kids because we discuss taboo topics.

Uch, people tell you off for teaching your kids about their bodies? What a dumb, not to mention unsafe, mindset they have.

Elfrida

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 7:36 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

It can be bonding. It can also be the start of World War III. A lot of teens do not enjoy shopping for clothes with their mother.

tp3

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 8:35 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Okay clearly I thought this was more about not trusting the kids choices but apparently I did not know that some mothers don’t allow their nine year olds out unsupervised at all!
Ofcourse there are all kinds of dangers and dangerous people out there and each time we leave the house or even inside of our house things can happen. I believe in educating kids about the dangers and trusting them according to their capabilities.
But I guess it’s very cultural and location-dependent.

Some kids are more mature than others too. If it works, it works.

amother

Crocus

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 8:56 pm

I’ve started my kids at nine by parking right in front of a small grocery (first a shop where I can see every inch through the glass, then we progress by year as kid ages to familiar Jewish groceries that are still tiny but I can’t see every aisle from the car) and I wrote a basic list of four or so items (or draw them if brand name is too detailed), then give money or a debit card. In the beginning the kid comes out every sixty seconds with a question and buying two bottles of milk takes twenty minutes, but by now my two preteens can shop a small list with a younger kid in tow (with me snuggled up along the sidewalk waiting for feedback.)

I’d never be able to do this in an OOT shop rite or no-parking Brooklyn, obviously, but for where I live it’s a great safe (and almost but not quite convenient lol) way to train kids into shopping on their own.

I’ll also allow them to go to other aisles and select items on the (super rare) times I’m actually taking them along to go shopping in person.

For clothing shopping tho it would be a disaster with mu kids’ temperaments - so glad it worked for you OP! What works for us is ordering online together, then kids try on clothes for our joint review, the end. I do the returns and buy the accessories (like shells). Shopping with an ADHD kid doesn’t really work any other way…

amother

Crocus

Wed, Aug 25 2021, 9:04 pm

amother [ Lightgreen ] wrote:

People think I'm too open with my kids because we discuss taboo topics.

Not to hijack the thread but this is one of those times where I say with complete confidence “let the rest of the world jump off the roof”’ and do what needs to be done as a responsible parent. I would literally not give two hoots about what anyone else (including even my parents, best friend, or closest neighbor or whatever) have to say on this topic that isn’t “be wise and educate!” None of their business and not their kids and also a terrible approach!

As a matter of fact, thanks for the reminder. I’m gonna start talking about it more, I naturally forget to integrate it into the rush of life as much as I should!!!